Sep 27, 2010

Sept 6 - Perfect Storm

He wants to be with me. Only me. He wants to fight for me and live for me. I am his purpose. I am all that he wants. He wants to fight even if I won't.

I guess that is a very good thing?
It's what every girl wants, right? Someone so devoted and sincere? Then why am I hesitating? Why am I doubting him? Doubting us? No. I'm doubting myself. I'm scared I can't reciprocate. I'm scared I can't do, say or mean enough for him. I'm scared I feel... different. I'm scared I can't fight anymore, that I don't want to. I'm scared I give up on him. Us. Myself. I'm scared that in doing that, I'll lose him completely, and that he might have been the one. The only. What I needed in life.

I'm not up to a relationship at the moment. I don't want to get into that box and have all those expectations. I can't handle it. Then why do I expect him to do it? He is my only. I like it that way. I just refuse to have him tell me what to do, how and with who. I hate it.

Am I keeping him on a string? 'Cause I don't know...

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