Sep 22, 2010

August 6 - Broken Pieces

I try to do the best I can. I really do. But maybe my best isn't good enough. I try to be a nice person, I try to help other people. I try to be the best friend, the good daughter, the perfect granddaughter, the awesome girl in your life. I try to keep myself sane. I try to work hard, study hard and play hard. I try to keep other people happy, as well as myself. It's harder than I thought. It's difficult. It's frustrating. It's not as rewarding or appreciated as I would like it to be.

Yes, that's right, I would like to be appreciated. I would like to hear what I did right and that you noticed it and that it was good. I would like to hear a 'Thank you for being a good friend' or 'Thank you for your help'. And I want to really mean it. I don't have to do the things I do. I want to. I want to be a good person. I want to be the friend you can call at 3am when you're in trouble or just need a shoulder to cry on. I want to be the one you can be proud of. I want you to share your worries, your happiness, your likes and your dislikes with me. I want you to want me in your life. I want to make you happy. I want to make you smile and laugh. I revel in the joy that your joy brings me. I bask in the joy it brings me to bring you happiness.

Don't take advantage of me or go out to use me or hurt me. I trust easily, but I hurt easily too. You destroy me with your harsh words and broken promises. You break off pieces of me and step on it. I will never be the same again. I will be scarred and broken and shattered. It takes so long to fix me. It takes a lot of love, attention, affection and soft words, to fix me. But no one has ever really bothered. No one has ever really listened. No one has ever really noticed...

I need you more than you need me.

I will never say it out loud, but it's true. I'm broken. Used. In pieces. I have no clue how to put myself back together and I have no idea where to even start picking up the pieces. There are so many people out there who have pieces of me, I tend to give it freely. They probably don't even know it. They probably forgot...

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