Aug 26, 2009

That Girl

Here I go again with my age old poetry... If you don't know yet, I'm going to post a couple of old poems that I wrote through the years. Through the teenage years I think. I don't write poetry anymore. Or the excuse for poetry I had. Sometimes I'll tell you the story behind the poem... sometimes I don't remember... This specific one was written for a girl friend of mine. Who just decided I'm not good enough anymore. Strange thing is... she came crawling back to me 3 times after that. I'm too forgiving sometimes. But I never forget...

I see you sitting there,
You look so familiar.
Oh, I used to actually know you,
But not anymore.

Now you’ve got you own life,
And you just don’t give a damn
About a girl who’s just sitting there
Waiting for her life to end.

You never seem to notice that
The girl there is me.
You just turn your back and
Carry on, forgetting we ever met.

I thought you would appreciate
The things I did for you.
I gave you a whole new life
And friends who care for you.

I guess I didn’t realize that
Those friends would take my place.
So now I sit here all alone,
Just waiting for the end.

Author: Maryke Pretorius (2006)

Does this explain enough?

I found this on Le Love. It totally explains what I'm feeling... Unfortunately.

When I think about you not being here with me (I actually think about you all the time), it makes me sick to my stomach. I miss you so much it physically hurts.

Whenever I talk about you, I feel a knot in my throat. I can't picture myself with anyone but you. And time goes by but, how I feel doesn't change, it never goes away, even when I hate you for leaving me, for not loving me enough, it doesn't weather. How I cried myself to sleep wishing I could feel you close to me one more time. How I wish I could just stop feeling because it hurts so much. I want to move on, I want to walk away and just remember you every now and then as someone I was fond of. I'm tired and frustrated because I don't understand you, I don't know what it is that you want or feel... sometimes I think you don't even know that yourself.

I can go and conquer the world and make my wildest dreams come true but, in the end you are not here. I feel as if I lost a part of me, you took and I want it back. I play it cool, I cry when no one sees me, I dream of you. I'm in hell.

You wanna run away with me?

Let's run away to a far away land... Where the sea is crystal clear and the sand is soft and just warm enough not to burn your feet. Where the trees whisper age old secrets in the wind... and we can understand them word for word... and discover what once was... Where the birds sing to us instead of the stereos and sound systems. Where they know all the songs of our hearts...

Let's run away to a thick tropical jungle of overgrown trees and plants, where the different shades of green and the circus of wild colors pull us into a different time... A time of magic and wonder. A time where animals once roamed free... where nature could run its course. Unhindered. A time forgotten through the sands of time.

Let's run away to a place of serenity. Of history. Of peace and quiet.
Let's run away together. To a place where times are easy. To a place where wealth and status don't matter. To a place where love co-exists with everything. Where it's enough.

Please run with me...


~Click to Enlarge... Very True~

Inner Peace

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment ,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

...Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!

Aug 25, 2009

Buttermilk Pancakes with Maple Syrup

I'm SO in the mood for this I hardly have words... so I'll just share it with you random readers!

Makes about 6

4 fl oz (120 ml) buttermilk
5 oz (150 g) plain flour
½ level teaspoon baking powder
pinch of salt
3 large eggs, beaten
about 1-2 oz (25-50 g) lard

To serve:

lots of pure maple syrup and crème fraîche (And if you're South AFrican - Butro is the best!!)

First sieve the flour, baking powder and salt together in a roomy bowl and make a well in the centre. After that, whisk the buttermilk and 3 fl oz (75 ml) cold water together in a jug and gradually whisk this into the bowl, slowly incorporating the flour with each new addition of liquid. Finally, add the eggs a little at a time until you have a smooth batter.

Now place a large, solid frying pan over a medium heat, add 2 teaspoons of the lard and heat it until the fat shimmers. Then, using a tablespoon of batter per pancake, place 2 or 3 spoonfuls into the pan.

They will take about 1 minute to turn golden brown, then turn them over using a spatula and fork, being careful not to splash yourself with the hot fat. Give them another 45 seconds on the other side, by which time they should have puffed up like little soufflés, then briefly rest them on some kitchen paper to absorb any excess fat.

Repeat this with the rest of the batter, adding a little more lard if necessary. They will keep warm in a low oven, but to enjoy them at their best, have everyone seated to eat them as soon as they come out of the pan.

Yum Yum!! What do you feel like pigging out on? Even if you can't...!! =(

Aug 21, 2009

I'm A L.I.A.R.


Yes. I'm a liar. I lie to myself. I don't lie to friends or family though. I might not tell them everything, but I don't lie to them. Then why do I lie to myself? You know why... Because of the Pandora's Box inside of me. It's such a wonderful thing when I need it. But such a curse when I actually need to handle the sh!t that's inside of it. Okay, did I lose you Dear Reader?

My Pandora's Box is my way of handling my issues. Not a good way I might add. Because I hardly every work through my issues. I just store them in the box until I think I can handle it, then I take it out and work through the specific one I took out, I cry the tears I need to cry, I yell and scream at my pillow or talk it through with a friend (or my cat). Although finding a friend to talk about any of my issues with me is SO hard. We tend to talk about their issues. Not mine. Mine seems too unimportant. Too mundane. That or nobody knows about my issues coz I don't ever share them. My fault. I know.

Thing is, nobody's problems or issues are ever mundane. To them it's MAJOR. To others, sometimes myself included, it might not be so big. I have the knack to analyze a problem and tell someone very quickly to build a bridge and get over it. Okay but then it's not a BIG problem, I'm not a Bitch ya know? (Well not always).

To get to the point...
I saw the ex again on Thursday night. Then I saw him again on Friday night. Thursday night I went to his house to fetch my computer screen. I ended up staying later than intended. I ended up sleeping over. In his bed. With his insistence of course. *AKWARD*
Friday night he called me and asked me to join him and his parents fro drinks and a live band. So I went. Eventually. It was a lovely night. Both nights were lovely. We get along splendidly. We definitely haven't lost our spark. But is that the problem? Or the solution?

It scares me. It confuses me. It delights me. It's unhealthy. I'm quite sure of that. I can't exactly LIVE my single life while falling for my ex all over again? Okay yeah I said it out loud. I'm so sad. Thing is... I need more time. And I know it.

Urgh!!! Please excuse my ramblings! I've been rambling on this post for 4 damn days now so I'm just gonna post and cringe... waiting in anticipation as to what you readers have to say...
Better than nothing right?

Aug 18, 2009

I Saw Him Again Last Night


Remember how I said that the ex and I share mutual friends now? MY friends who turned out after 8months to be OUR friends? Remember how I said we're gonna have to see each other again because of these mutual friends? I didn't? You're memory sucks. =)

Just the other day... I realized the ex still has some things of mine at his place. Understandable of course. I practically lived there. So I phoned him yesterday to check if I could come pick it up after work. It was fine with him but he only gets home around 7pm, whereas I get home at around 6pm. So as I am the designated driver to work and back for one of our mutual friends, my BFF (her fiance is now his BFF), I decided to stay for coffee at BFF's house until he gets home so I only do one trip back. I know myself, I get lazy and relaxed sitting at home. Then I won't want to go to his place later.

Got to BFF's house and her fiance tells me the ex is coming over to their place. So I phoned to tell him I'll meet him over there. He can just stop at his place and bring my things with him. Well he got there and we ended up staying for another hour and a half. Chatting. Laughing. Getting along brilliantly. We left at the same time. He was parked next me. We hugged each other goodbye, got into our seperate cars and left our seperate ways. I went the whole way home, and even in bed, without crying. I came close. But I didn't. I'm so proud of myself. It felt natural that we got along so well. (Although he DID look as if he'd seen a ghost a couple of times.)

It hurt seeing him. I found myself staring at him when no one was looking. I found myself looking at his face. His eyes. His mouth. His smile. His hands. His body. All the things that used to be 'mine'. If I can say it like that. It hurt like hell but I got through it. I sat back at one stage thinking to myself... we're getting along fine. Why did we fight so much and why did we fcuk each other up? Everything happens for a reason right? I tend to believe that. I believe everything has a purpose. Our purpose was to learn something from each other. To leave footprints. To be friends?

You Boyfriend Breaking Up with You & Telling You that You can Still Be Friends is

Like Your Dog Dying and Your Mother Telling You that You Can Keep It...

Aug 17, 2009

My (First) Singles Weekend

So Friday night I decided, with two of my single pals, to go out looking for fun... Rep (A very long ago ex-boyfriend of mine), Philicia (BFF2) and I went to friend's of his who live nearby. Got a couple of drinks and had fun getting to know new ppl. Total careless abandon. What a strange feeling... Still getting used to it.

We had lots of fun chatting away and drinking with the 'new friends', they're awesome, and finally ended up at Frankie Bananas. A cocktail bar / Club / Quite-a-tiny-place-where-everyone-meets-everyone-and-they-become-friends-for-the-night. Nice. I met up with high school 'friends' (You know those ppl who think they know you but you just never socialized with them back then and quite frankly you never think you will in future? Those. ~Even tho
ugh I have 2 of those who turned out to be awesome friends after school. I digress~), and met some more ppl. Danced the night into oblivion with BFF2, picking up guys on the dance floor to dance with us (remember the whole place is a bloody dance floor) and ended up getting a number or two... I'm clever though, I get THEIR numbers, they don't get mine.

The night ended around 1am at BFF2's place where the 3 of us had to fit on her double bed 'cause there's nowhere else to sleep.

No. Nothing happened.

Okay maybe something happened.

Carrying on...

Saturday we just colored my hair (as I had the nicest highlights in my hair... and it started growing out... badly... I HAD to color my hair. For my own sanity. And other ppl's eyes). =) Later the afternoon we went to a friend's birthday Braai where we ended up staying until very late. We played Kings, a card (drinking) game and ended up laughing ourselves absolutely stupid and having tons of fun. The food was lovely, the company was brilliant and the jokes were great.

I have to add, it felt so strange being on my own. Doing my own thing. Thinking about myself first and foremost. I'm SO used to putting someone else before me, taking care of someone else and missing out on so much because of that certain someone. That's just me. I give 100% in a relationship. I don't believe it's a bad thing, though I have to start noticing how much my partner puts into the relationship. Clearly not as much as I do.

I missed him. I really did. But when I stood back and fully saw what I was doing and how I was enjoying myself, on my own, I was pleasantly surprised. The BFF and Rep even told me that they could see the old me coming out. And that it was amazing to see. I do hope so. Because it did FEEL good.

Anyway I'm rambling again. I just thought I'd share the Reader's Digest Version of my weekend with you. Not much detail I know but I'm still getting there. LOL!

What did you do Dear Reader??

Aug 14, 2009

It's Just Not Fair

Creative Ice Cube Trays

These are just so cute I thought I'd share it with ya'll out there...

Aug 13, 2009

I'm Imperfect & Proud of It!

Vergelykings - Die Wit Rus

I'm sorry I just have to post this - This is SO FUNNY!!! I just about lay on the floor laughing! But sorry to my avid readers, it's in Afrikaans, and translating it to English will just spoil it completely. So here goes... straight out of the pages of Die Wit Rus:


Julle sal agterkom dat ek redelik dikwels van vergelykings in my stukke gebruik maak. Party mense se vergelykings word sêgoed, soos bv; So swart soos die nag, so koel soos ´n komkommer, so bleek soos ´n laken. Ek sou ook graag wil hê dat van my vergelykings eendag sêgoed moet word. Nou het ek gedink. Ek gaan ´n klomp van my eie vergelykings hieronder uiteensit en dan moet jy, die leser, dit in die regte lewe gaan gebruik. Wie weet miskien haak daar ´n paar in jou vriende se woordeskat vas.

So akrobaties soos ´n heuningvoëltjie op Speed.
So aantreklik soos ´n model sonder inhibisies
So aggressief soos ´n Buffel met ´n slagyster toegeslaan op sy bal
So aragnafobies soos ´n blinde muskiet
So onbeperkend soos ´n gaas kondoom
Soveel skop soos ´n dubbeltot Toquila in ´n draughtglas Etanol
So depresief soos iemand met ´n wen-lotto kaartjie en twee dae om te leef
So vergeetagtig soos ´n alsheimer-pasient op ´n daggatrip
Lang vingers soos ´n dieretuin-oerangoetang
Groot jeupe soos ´n dragtige Vrieskoei
´n Groot mond soos ´n honger planktonetende Walvis
So kosbaar soos kakpapier by ´n kunstefees
So skaars soos ´n glimlag by die lisensiekantoor
So vinnig soos ´n honger jagluiperd met Terpenryn onder die stert gesmeer
Klein handjies soos ´n sirkusnar
So kort soos ´n mier se ooghare
So swaar soos ´n pregnant Olifant
So skaars soos ´n slim, vriendelike spietkop
So verveeld soos ´n kind by ´n sitrus-seminaar
´n Harige bors soos ´n Gorilla op kreatien
Hang knaters soos ´n Boerbok wat warm kry
So heilsaam soos die Lanbou-weekblad se voorblad
So sensueel soos ´n bronstige Kameelperdmerrie
So mooi soos ´n Elandbul met ´n grys nek
So bevredigend soos ´n lekker lang poep in ´n stil vertrek
So soepel soos ´n gegriesde motorfietsketting
´n Lang nek soos ´n nuuskierige Volstruis
So mooi soos ´n biltongruiker
Ruik so suur soos ´n resies-vrieskoei se hoewe
So dikbek soos ´n asmatiese blaasoppie

Die Wit Rus

Who Knows?

Who knows what life may hold for us?
Who knows where we might be?
Who knows what roads we’ll take someday?
Who knows what we might see?

I don’t know, maybe someday the path
Will change, and we’ll meet again. The
Inevitable crash that might change our
Lives forever. Maybe the world will be
A better place someday, and we’ll be
Forever free. But what’s the chance of that?

Who knows? Maybe it’ll happen, maybe we
Will happen. Maybe our love will grow
Stronger and bind us forever together.
Maybe we’ll have our happy ending.

Who knows?

Author: Maryke Pretorius (31/10/2005)

I have to share this! If you like playing around with photo's, if you like decorating your home, if you like going large... go to this site asap!

You upload a photograph or picture, the site blows it up large and divides it into A4 blocks for you. Perfectly done. You print it out, put them back together and Voila! You've got a huge poster for your wall. Whatever and wherever that wall is.

I think this is just SO much fun to play with.
Go check out the Gallery. Love the ideas in there!

Goofy Came To Visit Me Last Night

Yes. I know. I'm random like that.
Goofy = An Ex-boyfriend. No not THE ex boyfriend. The one before him. There I just confused you. ;) Whatever. So he came to visit me last night. Yeah I'm single one day and I've already got other guys in my house. No. Turns out we're really good friends. We get along better than when we dated and we're really comfortable with each other. No Shit. We were together for one year and 8 months. That's quite a while. To me. You get used to each other eventually. Not like Glitch and I. (The most recent ex... Fcuk I'm confusing myself. I'm not a whore ya know? I've just got a couple of long term relationship behind me.) Glitch and I never really got used to each other. Not really. I was never comfortable with him. I don't think I could ever really be myself, for fear of being judged. By him. And his family. Nice hey? What an awesome relationship! *Insert Sarcastic Face Here*

So Goofy is 21. Turning 22 in December. And he's 'dating' a 36-year-old women who's son is 18 and daughter 16.

I'm sorry my friend but... WTF?!?!?!?!?!

Don't get me wrong I have nothing against older women. Nothing. But the age gap is just a little bit too much for me. She could be his mother. If she had a kid at 15 instead of 18. Totally possible. Right?
She looks like a really nice woman. He showed me a photo. Sounds like we would get along smashingly too. And it's really cool that he has matured so much that older women go for him. 'Cause it's not his first time. He's been a 32-year-old with a kid and a 34-year-old single woman. All within the last 8 months. Nice.

I guess it's just something I'm not used to. Besides the fact that my mother dates younger guys. But 10 years max. Okay, over share. Sorry.

So Goofy just wants me to support him in this decision of maybe being in a relationship with this women. Because his mother is up in arms over it. Understandable. So I couldn't help but ask him a couple of obvious questions regarding this relationship. Such as:
  • Do you want to commit to her?
  • Are you ready for that type of commitment?
  • Do you know what you want?
  • Do you know what she wants?
  • Do you understand that at age 36, any woman has the right to want to settle down? That's what I would want.
  • Are you ready to settle down?
  • Are you ready to be 'father' to a guy 4 years younger than you and a girl 6 years younger?
Yeah he didn't quite expect that and could hardly give me straight answers. All he knows is, he's not serious about it. Well it sounds like she is. The way she's going on about the two of them. The way she's always missing him etc... etc... etc... That's the Rightful B!tch in me comes out to tell him to just leave it then. Avoid hurting her. What is he?! A Player?! I don't believe that! (Sorry, I get carried away sometimes) I just want him to be careful okay? No. I don't want him back. I like the way things are going for us. I like to have a friend who knows me so well. That I'm so comfortable with.

This is such a rambling post. But that's the point right? I don't always need to make sense. Just thought I'd share that bit of info with you.
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Aug 11, 2009

Single Girl in a Single World

Why is it that something that is the best for both parties... hurts so much?
Why is it that even though there was so much fighting and so much hurt during the relationship... I still love him?
Why is it that I can't look at him without falling hopelessly in love with him all over again?
Why is this so hard and so necessary at the same time?
Why can't we fix it just one more time?

I'm single. I said it.
We spoke about it. No yelling. No fighting. No alcohol. Just him and I. For the last time. Together for a second more. Oh don't worry I'll get over it. I always do. The thing is, we share mutual friends. Well, my friends. So we're gonna have to see each other. A lot. How will that go ya think? We made a promise that we wouldn't come to any get-togethers with someone else. At least for a while. Is that good or bad?

Okay I'm a bit out of words now. Think I'll just go to bed with my cat and my tears. It'll be better tomorrow. I hope.