May 31, 2012

Thought Question #394

I would say my biggest flaw is trying to do everything myself and trying to control everything.  You know that thing of "If you want something done right, do it yourself?".  Yeah, that's me right there.  Team work is a problem for me most of the time.  Mostly because the 'team' usually doesn't work together, or they don't work as fast or efficiently as I would like them to.  I hate being dependant on other people, especially regarding work.  It's annoying.  Because of this, I either over-work myself, or I get pissy and strict with my colleagues.  I don't like it, but I do it.  Urgh.  I should learn to delegate more.  And trust people better.

What about you??

May 30, 2012

Thought Question #393

Finding out that there's more to all of this...  Finding out that I'm worth it.  A holiday maybe...

May 28, 2012

Thought Question #392

Ooooohhhh for so many reasons.  The people were horrible.  Well, most of them at least.  Especially the manager and the general manager/boss.  They don't care about people, in general.  There was a hell of a lot of pressure on me to perform, but no back up when I wanted to take a day or anything, for the longest time.  Promises were made, like future studies, positions, raises, etc.  that never, ever materialized.  They don't make any effort with their employees.  Any of them.  They don't care about the ergonomics of an office, the happiness, well-being or moods of their employees.  I was just going nowhere slowly.  It was frustrating.  Especially after all the work and effort I put into the place to make it more efficient and precise.  Yes, I gained a lot of experience, and I'm glad for that.  I met interesting people and horrible people, and I learned from them all.  But believe me, I'm glad I got out of there.  I'm so blessed to be making progress the way I am.  It's a conscience decision, though.  And it took me a while to realize I have to make it.  I'm so glad I did....

May 27, 2012

Thought Question #391

I think the greatest challeng facing today's youth is being able to be true to themselves, while being judged by the world.  They, and so many 'grown-ups' think that they have to live up to other people's standards, while you really only have to live up to your own.  Dream.  Design.  Create your own life.  Be yourself and be true to that.  Because, if you give in to the pressures of being fake, you might never find yourself again.  And that's just sad.  Every person is unique and beautiful, some of us just have to grow into the acceptance of that, and you know what the best?  Those people usually turn out to be the very best people out there.  Don't give up.  It does get better.  There is a reason for a everything, as well as a place and time for everything.  Believe me, I didn't see it either when I was young.  But it's true.

May 26, 2012

Thought Question #390

I definitely think my Mom and my family raised me right.  I'm strong, independant, and I have my head screwed on right.  I never went down the wrong roads, no matter how many times I slipped up, it didn't last.  I know right from wrong and my values are in the right place.
I feel like I will raise me children the same way.  I'm just scared that I'll be this super strict mom, though.  Oh I guess we'll see when I there, right?

May 24, 2012

Thought Question #389

I guess I'd have to say raw vegetables.  I hated veggies when I was a kid (who didn't?), but today I'm fine with it.  Not sure what else I hated that I enjoy today...

What about you?

May 23, 2012

Missing: Romance

I just don't know where it disappeared to... Do you think romance comes and goes?  Or perhaps it just depends on the person, the feelings and the situation.  My situation is in limbo.  It feels like it anyway.  I don't want a relationship.  I've said that before.  Or do I just not want a relationship with him?  I don't know anymore.  It's not like there's anyone else.  It's not like I'm even thinking of anyone else, or feeling it.  But I also don't 'feel it' with him.  Am I a horrible person?  I guess I am.  It's like I know I'm ungrateful and just being stupid, but how do I get over it?  Usually I'm really good at building a bridge and getting over my shit, I just don't know if this is shit.  He's such a great guy, he tries so hard, he loves me so much, he does everything for me and treats me like a queen.  His queen.  It seems like he stopped his old tricks and he has no contact with any of his ex-girlfriends or whatever.  So what's my problem?  Why can't I love him as much and why can't I just appreciate him as much?  It's just not there.  It's like my heart closed itself up to him, and as much as I try to force the doors open, the lock is stuck and it won't budge any further.  Am I fooling myself, and him, into thinking that this could be more than it already is?  Sometimes I wish I could just be harsh and tell him all of this.  I wish he could be harsh, for once, and just realize that it's not enough for him and that he wants to find a life apart from me.  It would be somewhat of a relief, to be honest.  But I know him, apparently he thinks I'm enough.  At least, now he does.  And I keep thinking he'll change his mind, but he hasn't yet.  I actually wish he'd change his mind, again.

I know I need to appreciate what he is to me and what he does for me.  I just want more out of it all.  I want to feel more.  I want to do more.  I want... something more.  I want to figure it out.  Or have I already and I just can't admit it to him... or myself?

May 22, 2012

I've been feeling like Simba lately... actually for quite some time.  Urgh.
Please prove me wrong.

Thought Question #388

A subject about real life.  The dangers.  The insanity.  The hurt.  But also the beauty and the hope, the motivations and the achievements.  Real life stories, told to young people in an interesting way.  Life lessons, taught early.  At least give them a chance....

Still Waiting

It seems to me that people find it hard to be my friends.  I'm a bit anti-social (whodathunk), I like being by myself, I'm straightforward and honest, I don't care much for pissy parties (not even my own), I'm random and I have a really dry sense of humour.  And I'm sarcastic to boot.  Every now and then I find a friend who handles me just great.  And then, of course, they slowly fade away.  They're not gone, they just live their own lives.  I can't blame them.  But there's one person who I really thought would stick around.  No such luck.  She's living her live, so close and yet so far away.  And here I am, living my life.  I don't know what to say to her anymore.  She has stopped talking to me.  So now, I'm just waiting.  Waiting for her to come around, waiting for her to decide I'm good enough again, waiting for her to realize I'm here.  Because, really, it's up to her.  It's her choice.  She hasn't deleted me off every communication platform in existence, she hasn't screamed or yelled at me, I think.  But she also doesn't talk to me.  I said I'm sorry.  I've asked her what more can I do.  Nothing.

Now, I'm just waiting.  I just don't know how much longer I can wait...

Something my cat would say =D

Christina Otero Photography

Stunning photographer Christina Otero completely WOW'd me with these self-portraits!  Go see her blog!  Quickly!

May 21, 2012

Thought Question #387

Blessed.  That's the best word I can think of.  Even through the bad and the good times.  What about you?

May 18, 2012

Being sad is a waste

It's true, don't you agree?  As I've said before, I hate being negative, just as much as I hate being sad.  Because yes, it is a waste of precious time.  It happens to everyone, of course, in extreme measures sometimes.  We can't help being sad or negative when something bad happens, for obvious reasons.  But at the end of the day... what does it help us?  As hard as it is, I always try to be positive, or look at the beauty in things.  There's always something beautiful in the world, there's always something positive and there's always something to love and to look forward.  Life is full of choices.  What we do with the choices and how we react to stuff, is all up to us.

I'm rambling.  I know.  Sorry.

Thought Question #386

No, I actually don't think it's necessary.  It's nice, yes.  It's wonderful, for sure.  But not necessary.  Just like a relationship.  I don't see the point of labelling myself on Facebook for the world to see "in a relationship" or whatever.  It's like having to engrave it on your forehead or wearing a silly sign around your neck that reads "(Insert guy/girl's name)'s Property".  I'm nobody's 'property' and I don't need anyone labelling me because of it.  I don't want to live by any universal set of rules that wants to make me the World's Best Girlfriend.  I have to do or I have to do that... No!  What if I don't want to?  Is he going to make me?  Am I then not classified as a girlfriend?  Am I a bad person because I don't live up to society's expectations of how I should be?  That's crap.  Don't you think?

A relationship has diddly squat to do with anyone else but the (hopefully) two people in it.  If you want to be with me, if you want to spend time with me, if you want to do things for me... then do it because you want to, not because you have to.  Same goes for me.  If I  don't want to do certain things that's entirely up to me.  I know that if I don't appreciate the person in my life, I stand a chance to lose them, and that's also entirely their choice, as it is my choice as well.  If I want to work towards a future with someone, I will.  If I don't, then well that's it then.  Go your merry way and forget about me.  I don't have to do this or have to do that, I do it because I want to, and that, to me, means so much more than any 'set of uspoken rules'.

Infidelity?  Not a problem!  If you're spending your time in someone else's arms, just be honest about and I'll leave.  No harm done.  Yeah I'll be a bit pissed off for a while, but I'll get over it faster because it's not like you were my "Boyfriend and you promised your undying love to me forever and ever".  Come on people, no one can promise that.  But we sure can try.  Things change and people change.  We have to move with it like the river moving across the earth, between the cracks and over the rocks.  Am I making any sens at all?

A lot of you might think I have a negative outlook on love, but I actually think it's quite the opposite.  I'm very passionate about love.  The real love.  Not the fake kind.  Yes, I admit, I don't have wedding fever or baby fever, and a lot of my friends think it's weird.  But I just feel like everyone's pushing me into sh!t I'm not ready for.  Yeah, get engaged, get married, have a baby, or do it the other way aorund, I don't care.  I'm very happy living my life for now, doing what I want and when I want, being able to plan trips and spend my money the way I want to.  I'm still young and I think that's a miracle I have to live through first hand.  I'll get there, some day.  By then, all of you would have started families, gotten into the daily routine of things, and there I'll be, the last to get married, the last to have a baby, and the happiest.  Because I've been there, and done that.  Because I'm satisfied with life and made it worth my while.

Okay, I might be generalising a bit but you get my point, don't you?

May 17, 2012

Compliments and Smiles

Being kind to strangers are always rewarding... and finally I can share with you a post from The Frisky that gives you 7 Reasons you should compliment Strangers.

We don't always realize what it means to people when we compliment them randomly, but just think about it being you, for a second.  As The Frisky mentions, it's all great and well when our loved ones compliment us, but when a stranger does it it's different.  It's like a whole different meaning!  And it lingers with us for a little while longer...
I love giving strangers and colluegues a compliment now and again, and I always make sure I smile and greet people in a friendly and endearing way.  People need to feel special and open to relationships.  You never know who needs a smile and who's day you're making so much brighter.

Think about it.  And go and read...

25 Teeny Tiny Ways to be a lot more Fabulous !!

Do yourself a favour girls... and go have a look.  =D

May 15, 2012

Thought Question #385

Sleep naked.  And (depending on the length of time I sleep over, I guess) have sex.  It's just wrong.  And it's gross.  And it's overshare.  I'm sure of it.  But on the other hand.... isn't that exactly what we do when we go to hotel rooms etc?  Hahahahaha!

May 11, 2012

Thought Question #384

I don't know if it can be considered one thing - but I would say Scrapbooking supplies!  Because there's so much you could do with it.  Or perhaps money?  That's one thing that I can do a million things with.  I can take it out of the room right?  I could even say food.  I don't care what food.  You know how many people I can feed?  Wow.

What would you want in it?

Thought Question #383

Not easily.  The homeless people we have here are not like in America, please remember that.  Here they are very (truthfully) generalized as thieves, rapists, druggies, drunks and murderers.  I have rather a big problem with beggars myself.  It baffles me how they cannot just go and try and get a job.  Anything.  Absolutely anything.  I mean if you have nothing and you're down and out, no job should be worthless to you.  No job should be embarrassing to you.  Waiter.  Clean toilets.  Watch cars.  Work in someone's garden or house.  Farm work.  Cashier.  Anything is worth it.  I've offered so many homeless people the opportunity to get a job and pull themselves together, yet they refuse because they think they make more money begging next to the road and doing whatever they want.  That's not desperate and down&out according to me.  That's actually enjoying the life you have.

What do you think??

May 10, 2012

Being Naked

The Frisky's - 8 Reasons you should be naked more often.

This article got me thinking about how people are afraid of their naked bodies.  So many think that the nake body is shameful, others think it's just plain ugly or disgusting.  But really?  It's gorgeous, and I think that we should appreciate our bodies more, just like the article says.  Please do yourself the favor of reading The Frisky article.  And I think I'll try it too... what do you think?  Appreciating our bodies are really important.  Appreciating yourself is important.  Just go, stand in front of the mirror, naked, and look at yourself.  Look at your curves, your bumps, your flaws, your beautiful pieces and your "ugly" pieces.  They're not ugly.  Remember that.  Your body IS you.  The expression of who you are.  Clothes, as the article mentions, is a disguise.  Think about it.  It's what we use to hide ourselves.  It's what we hide behind.  Like a mask.  And of course, there's the intimacy aspect.  Apparently accepting yourself naked, makes it easier to be naked in front of someone else.  Give it a go and see where it takes you...

May 7, 2012

Thought Question #382

I would definitely choose my love for all things beautiful, the arts & crafts, the hobbies and the reading.  I really hope I can share all these things with my kids one day =D

May 6, 2012

Keeping my last name when I (ever) get married...

I read another article about The Frisky journalist who took his wife's last name.  And you know what?  WOW!  I think it's awesome!  "Tradition" states that the woman must take the man's last name when they get married, and yes, it's great and all and most women just can't wait to be Mrs. Whatever.  But really?  I don't care much for it.  It might be because I just love my own surname that much, or it might be because of the heritage behind my own last name.  I don't have my father's last name (Thank goodness for that!), I have my grandfather's last name, my Mother's maiden name.  And I'm super grateful for that.  My Grandfather, if you don't know already, was practically my Hero growing up, him and the rest of my family of course, but he was the head of the household and I guess you could say that I base my man-choices on him, like any daughter would with her father.  I don't care much for my father.  But my Grandfather is the ultimate, and his last name is super important to me.

The best thing is, Gerhard doesn't mind.  I mean I would never force him to take my last name, but in the same breath he wouldn't force me to take his.  I don't mind that my kids take my husband's last name one day, I mean that's to be expected, they will be his legacy as well at the end of the day.  But do I have to?  I don't think so.  I mean for what?  To go through the motions of changing every bloody document on my name just so my surname can change?  Seriously overrated if you ask me.

What do you think about changing a last name when it comes to marriage?  If you're a guy, would you mind if your wife keeps her last name?  Or would you be deeply offended?  And ladies, what is your take on this?  How do you feel about it?

Would love to hear what you think.

May 3, 2012

Lessons in Womanhood

Being Friends (with Benefits)

Check out The Friskie's - 6 Rules to follow for a Successful F*ck Buddy Relationship and come back and tell me what you think... Have you ever had a FB?  If so, how did you handle it?

What a controversial subject right?  Yeah, that's why I love it.
Friends with Benefits can be a complicated thing to work around.  But so many people make it work.  I guess it has to do with the circumstances and feelings surrounding them.  On the other hand, it can screw up a friendship brilliantly.


Fearing Anal

The Frisky's - Real Fears Women have about Anal Sex that men usually never think about should open up a couple of guys' mind's out there.  Go ahead and read it.  I did.  And yes, it's real.  At least for most of us out there.  What do you think?

May 2, 2012

Thought Question #381

Quite a few... Bra straps showing.  Wearing a black bra beneath a white shirt.  Believe me, it IS see-through no matter what you do.  Wearing clothes that really doesn't suit your figure, whether you're small or big, it goes both ways.  Come on, honestly, it doesn't matter what your size is, you can look beautiful with the right clothes on.  But when you're big, please don't try and fit in those tights.  Bad idea.  Another things is low-cut tops and dresses that show your breasts struggling to breath.  It is really necessary?  Less is more ladies.  Less is more.  What are you trying to prove?
Other etiquette disasters are things like manners.  Simple manners.  Not being rude and obnoxious.  Asking your guests if they're thirsty or hungry.  Offering.  Saying 'Please', 'Thank you' and 'Excuse me'.  It's really not hard, and it's definitely not embarrassing.  Why people forget that simple fact is beyond me.

The worst of it all for me... When you see someone happy, married, taken or whatever - leave them the fcuk alone.

What do you think?

Friends falling apart?

The 'Best Friend' has decided that I'm not worth it anymore.  I don't know if I've decided the same thing.  I'm just so tired.  I'm tired of being ignored.  I'm tired of having to say sorry all the time, for the stupidest things, and getting nothing in return, even for the big things.  I'm tired of listening all.the.time, and never being listened to.  I'm tired of feeling like I'm doing so much and trying so hard, and I'm not being appreciated for any of it.  She's gotten so angry at me that she won't talk to.  Apparently I yelled at her.  But of course, it's not a problem if she yells at me.  I must just take it and carry on.  She gets angry and has a fight with her fiance, yells at me, I 'yell' back and she ignores me for a week, sends me a lame sorry message, and carries on like there was no problem at all.
Now she's angry that I can't make her engagement party.  I have no money to spend on a R220 p/p buffet.  I have already made solid birthday and housewarming plans with other people.  Delmei has the her engagement party on the same day, which I also have to make an appearance at.  And I tried telling her that I'll come to the pre-buffet cocktails at her parents house because I really, really want to be there.  I'm trying.  I am.  Now, I'm nothing.  And I've already bought them a gift.

Do I go?  Do I leave it?  Do I just go and drop off the gift?  I don't know anymore.  It just feels like everything is suddenly revolving around her since she got engaged.  And you know what?  It's supposed to!  I agree.  She's the bride-to-be and she deserves all the attention and happiness she can get.  I mean, I went to the wedding expo with them, I played Personal Assistant/Possible-Maid-of-Honor, I collected all the info I could get for them, I even made them a file.  I want it to run smoothly for her.  I want to help her and make it special, with the least amount of fuss and issues.  And then?  Nothing.  And you know what?  The rest of us are still here.  I'm still here.  Why is that not important enough anymore?

Thing is, I really don't want to bring it up with her, because I know that if I mention it like that, she'll blow up and accuse me of being jealous of her and them, and their engagement.  Which I'm not.  Far from it, in fact.  I just... don't want to lose my friend.  And I think I am.

Please... tell me if you think I'm wrong and that I'm being selfish or whatever?

May 1, 2012

Happy Birthday Shannyn !!

My dear friend Shannyn turned 24 today and we had such a great time sharing a braai at their place, and playing Kings, the drinking game.  It was absolutely hilarious!!