I'd like to think I'm extremely blessed in my life. I have fantastic friends and family. I'm blessed with my job and I'm emotionally stable. Most of the time. But I would really want a place of my own though... I live with my Mom, it's just the two of us, and I love it ofcourse, but it would be nice to have my own place with my own things and my own decorations etc etc. I guess that's the big thing missing in my life. And of course the people that have passed me by or passed on, they are definitely missing because I miss them.
Can I even narrow it down? ... Maybe! I would have to say a BAD DRIVER. OMW I can't stand inconsiderate people on the road. People who endanger other people's lives. I can't understand how they don't see what they're doing wrong?!
Also, lying and cheating people. I don't get it. If you want to cheat, you shouldn't be in a relationship. I've spoken about the lying thing more than once before. It's ridiculous. People who kill, rape, steal and torture. I just don't get it. Why?! Yes, they all anger me. Especially how inconsiderate people can be, in general.
I'm really good with children, I hear. I'm good at arranging get-together and parties. I really good with my arts and crafts and my pencil sketches, I hear. Well, I enjoy it immensely so I'm sure I am. I'm really good at talking to people and trying to motivate them, it usually works. I'm really good at, most of the time, at motivating myself. I'm a really good listener, they say.
Paying Insurance, Tax and the general shitty Bills. Don't you life would be so much simpler without them? They should be there... available, and getting paid. Just not by me. That would be great. Kthanks!
I don't believe in living in regrets. I know I have some regrets... here and there. But I refuse to let it get to me. I don't know what my biggest one is though. I even have regrets that really couldn't have helped the situation in question, at all, and it probably wouldn't have been possible at that point in time anyway, but the regret is still there. I just can't allow it to get to me.
It's like... I regret not spending more time with my grandfather. I regret not taking him to the ocean, to Umdloti, one last time. I regret not visiting Eunice more than I did. I regret not answering her last texts in time, no matter how unimportant. I regret some relationships and the things I did during those times. I regret some friendships and the things and siuations they created in me and in my life. I regret not studying directly after school. I regret not knowing what exactly to do with my life, and how.
I don't let regrets get to me. I believe everything happens for a reason. We just have to let it go, because there really is nothing we can do about the past, we can just try and work on the future.
I feel good about myself when I exercise my butt off. I feel good about myself when people compliment me. I feel good about myself when someone loves what I've done, like when I do sketches or when I do my arts and crafts, or when I give them something handmade. I feel good about myself when I buy clothes and I fit into it immediately and it even looks good on me. I feel good about myself when I eat healthy.
I guess I should just do more of the above, like exercising and healthy eating, and the rest will follow.
I've started a new job. I've increased my salary. I've worked hard enough and made enough of an impression to deserve a small bonus and a fantastic increase, considering I've only been working at the place for almost four months. I've started saving money, and it feels great. I've arranged my first camping trip and bought the things we need, it's coming up next week! I'm more stable in my relationships with people, friends and foes. I'm more stable with how I feel about myself. I've started doing bootcamp, I'm getting a boxing bag for Christmas and I'm working on my body image, something that helps me and my self-confidence so much! I went ahead and started building up my Arts & Crafts ROOM, super proud of myself by the way. I've started with DIY projects with Gerhard, absolutely loving it. My Crafting Room looks fantastic so far! And I've got containers and boxes and markers for everything, just have to sort it all out.
There's so much positive in my life, it's amazing. And so much to be grateful for. I strongly believe that we create the positive in our lives. If there is none, you have to make it happen, like I have! Oh, and... it took me a seemingly long time to figure it all out on my own... that our happiness and our positive things do not depends on other people, as much as on ourselves.
You know like the Dog Whisperer? Almost like that. Just with children. For some odd reason everyone's kid's think I'm the coolest thing ever. I reckon it's because I like to think I'm also still a child at heart. I love all the things they love, I still find it fascinating and fun! Things like playing games, talking about silly things, arts and crafts of all kinds, reading beautiful story books, with passion and enthusiasm I might add, watching cartoons and Disney movies, running around chasing them and tickling them, telling stories and sharing stuff, things like that.
Almost every parent I've come across thinks I'm great, because the children find my so fascinating. Everyone says I'll make a great mother some day. I'd like to think so too... but I guess we won't know until it happens. I want kids, don't get me wrong. I love kids. I'm just kinda worried that I'll be one those mothers who are really, really strict and mean. I'm sure I won't be, but the possibility is there isn't it? Especially once they get older, like tween and teen stage. I've been there. We all have. It's hard. We all take chances and make mistakes and LIE to our parents and get away with murder, and some of us get into some real serious trouble with some of things, or something bad happens and we're traumatized for life and and and... it all kinda depends on that stage of life huh? It really, really scares me, you know? The things I hear that young kids and teenagers are getting up to these days? Yes, I know. I already sound old. But I'm not. I mean I should know about most of the things. But I guess, with all the partying, drinking, smoking and flirting I did... I never got into serious situations and dangerous things. I was so protected. And open-minded, might I add. I really hope my kids will be able to make the same, or no BETTER decisions than I did.
Otherwise... yes, I'll definitely be one of those overprotective helicopter mom's. But in a good way. I hope.
So... if you're a parent... what 'kind of' parent are you??
The people in my life. The possibilities that lie ahead for me. My arts and crafts. Love. Nature. Animal. How beautiful the world is, through all the pain and suffering, even though it's sad how little we appreciate it. There's so much to be grateful for, as I've said so many times, and because of that ... so much to be excited about! Sometimes, you just have to look closer, and sometimes you have to give all the 'crap' over to a higher power. There are so many ways to deal with things in your life, and so many people who love you, even if you don't realize it.
No way. Not if someone paid me. If I could be killed now, I wouldn't mind that too much either. It's not that I'm depressed or anything, quite the contrary, I'm just not scared of death. At all. It's strange, I'm sure. I'm more scared of the death of a loved one, than my own.
I tend to write a lot about change. How I have changed, how people have changed, how my life has changed, and even how the world has changed. I guess I like the subject, huh? Change isn't always all that great, though. I don't like change all that much in general, I like being in my comfort zone, but I tend to get used to the change faster than I thought I would. Which is a good thing, I'm sure.
How do you think you have changed this year? Was it big, was it small? Was it because of someone or some situation in your life, or was it because you decided to all on your own? Did you get something positive out of that change, and how did it affect your life?
Change is scary. Change is uncertain. But then again... Change is breathtaking and wonderful, new and interesting. I'm pretty sure there's always something good to say about a change in someone's life, even if we won't know the purpose of that change for ages to come, I'm sure it's all well worth it.
Gerhard and I have changed. Again. Evolved, I guess. We're not in a relationship, but he's still in my life. I think it's because of the change that happened inside me. I just don't care as much anymore. I know it sounds harsh, but it's true. He screwed up, again. He lost me. I turned around and walked away, I told him it's over between us. He wanted to run away and hide and never contact me again, but I knew ahead of time what would come of that. The same circle would replay itself, the same thing will happen that always does. We can't just stay away from each other, we can't just suddenly break contact and expect to be okay with being apart. We always relapse and the shit starts all over again. So I told him that I like having him in my life. I enjoy our conversations and the way we know each other so well. I like that we work and play well together and we understand each other. I like that we make each other laugh. So I asked him to stay, if he wants to, with no strings attached. We're not mutually exclusive, and I love that. I'm not looking for anyone else, neither is he as far as I know. We're just... there. And it works. Better than ever before, according to me that is. I'm sure he feels the same way.
We're going away on a camping trip in a week's time, and we're really really excited about it! I think it's gonna be great! There's so much to see and do in the area we're going. I'll take lotsa pictures and share it later!
People change, good and bad, they change. I've lost friends... and gained some others. It's sad, but it happens. I'm handling it better than I used to. There is still a million things I don't understund, but I don't feel like I have to anymore. Things happen. People change. Friends grow apart. It doesn't have to be ugly, it just needs to happen sometimes. I try and calm myself when I see people changing... because maybe it's me changing. We never know right...
I would love to wake up to the sound of the ocean outside my bedroom window, have a cup of coffee on the balcony in the early morning sun. Get dressed and go down to the beach, spend the morning in the waves and on the rocks, playing and tanning. Have a nice lunch and spend the afternoon reading or doing arts and crafts on the balcony, with the ocean breeze in the air. Maybe take a cat nap. And to round it off, I would love to have a beautiful dinner party with my friends and family, spending the rest of the evening together and maybe taking a midnight stroll on the beach in the moonlight.
My Mother. My Aunt. My Grandmother. My Grandfather. My family is impressing! They are absolutely amazing, that's what I think at least! Quite frankly I don't even know where to start. But I have stated so before =)
So I'm permanent staff now. After my 3 month 'probation period'. And the company really knows how to look after their people. Once they have you, they want to keep you, but in a good way, not in a we're-gonna-lock-you-up-and-force-you-to-work way. Far from it actually. Our offices are situated in Melrose Arch in Johannesburg, South Africa. Google it, nice place. We get lunch every.single.day at the canteen. The company pays and it's not 'worked into your salary'. We usually have a choice between a health pack filled with a muffin, a yoghurt, a health bar or energy bar and a juice. Two packets of crisps (or one bag of popcorn), a chocolate and a cold drink. A baguette, a yoghurt or a fruit and a juice. A tramazzini, a packet of crisps and bottled water. A sandwhich (of all sorts), a yoghurt or a fruit and bottled water. A biltong, crisps and coldrinks packet. Or even a hot meal of the day, like lasagna or briyani or cottage pie. It varies every day.
This last month, I've been to four (yes, that's4) year-end functions or getaways. The company year-end function was held in the basement of Melrose Arch and it was called the Concert in the Car Park. Strange venue, I know, but it turned out great. Mean Mr Mustard and Mark Pilgrim (local DJ) was the entertainment for the night, the food was divine, with a big variety, and the drinks were on the house. I also went to the Kiddies Year-End Christmas party, where I took my 9-year-old niece with. I went to the Secretaries and PSO's year-end lunch and I went to our Project Year end function, where we went on a booze cruise on the Vaal River and have a potjie afterwards.
Pretty much yeah. I love my work and I love the people I work with. Everyone, okay mostly everyone, is super nice and so ready to help with anything. My manager is the nicest guy to work for, and even my Head of Department loves me. Although she already thinks I need more of a challenge. We'll see where that takes me...
I've been here almost 4 months, and the bonus and increase performance appraisals have also seen me through. I got a quite alright bonus for the little time I've been here, they generally give a whole 13th paycheck. Which is gonna be sooooo awesome by next year this time. I even got an increase, it's not grand or anything, but it's more than I got in my whole 3 years and 10 months at my previous job. Goes to show huh! I'm so glad I left there. And the longer I'm over here, the happier I am that I left there. It's amazing what can happen to the staff when a company looks after them.
Our systems are fast, and absolutely efficient. We log calls for IT, Printer support, catering requests, projector requests, building maintenance. It goes through three phases - First the Confirmation (you get sent an email saying that your request has been received), Second an Update (Another email saying that your request has been given to a specific person to assist with), then Third it's the Request Closed (the last email giving the resolution the problem and how it was handled). Isn't that fantastic?! I love it!
The company consists of over 1000 people, so yeah I guess it's necessary.
There are procedures for almost everything here. The portal, working through SharePoint 2010 and the Internet, is fast and efficient too.
Anyway, I'm babbling again. Just wanted to update a little regarding the new job that's been keeping sooooo busy.
Hope you are well Dear Readers, if you're even still there...