Mar 11, 2010

Memories: My First Love

They say first love never dies. They say you never forget your first love. They say that your first love taught you how to love and you compare your future lovers to that person, in a sense. They might just be right. Unless of course your 'first love' was a boy in pre-school. Then there's not much hope for you. Let me tell you about my first love. I don't really care if you read it or not. I'm writing this for me, remember?

My first love was Ockie. Wow and was I crazy about hi
m?! Beyond repair, I'm telling you!! Now you have to sort of understand the history beyond Ockie... His grandfather was General of the South African Air Force. My grandfather was General of the South African Millitary. Closely linked. Obviously these two men got to know each other. So did their wives. So did their children. And eventually, their children's children (aka US). We only officially met each other when I was 14 and he was 16. Yeah... young love. Puppy love. But apparently we played together when we were kiddies when our parents used to visit each other. Apparently we went on like two little boys playing cops and robbers and tag and swimming and we (more than) once had a bath together because I had to sleep over. Quite disturbing actually. Who'da thunk years later...?! Well anyway, we can't remember those days. Thank Gawd!

Ockie and I 'found' each other and hit it off immediately. Once our families realized what was happening, all the stories of us as kids came seeping out. They thought it was absolutely hilarious of course. We had so much fun together and he was my first real boyfriend. I fell in love instantly. And apparently so did he. But you never know these d
ays, huh? Those days... whatever! We did just about everything together. I remember nights in the garage of all places, watching dvd's and drinking and smoking and laughing. I remember lying on a blanket on the grass together, watching the stars and telling each other stories. I remember going places with him. I remember how he made me laugh and how he tackled me on the bed to tickle me. I remember how we had this 'game' to try and get the other one off the bed. I never succeeded. He's way too strong. And fast. I remember making pizza together and his hand slipping with the salt pot. I remember fishing and going to parks with his dad....

Weird thing is, we didn't even live anywhere close to each other. His mom just had a lot of patience and time. I love his mom! Still do. I saw her not too long ago actually. I was scared sh!tless to ask her about Ockie, but she told me anyway. He's happily in a LONG term relationship and possibly getting engaged soon. They live together and they have a dog. Whoopie. Wow. I'm really glad for him, don't get me wrong. But it's weird how those words stung. It's abnormal or something, after all these years. But I guess that's what first love is all about. It's something you never forget. It's something you compare future lovers too... sure enough.. it was. Not anymore though. Thank goodness.

In the end, I went to live with him and his parents for a whole 2 weeks during school holidays. They lived about an hour and a half drive from us. Which, thank goodn
ess, wasn't too far for my mom to come and pick me up when the sh!t hit the fan... Ockie had this annoying friend, Jacques, who lived right next door to him, who got him to smoke weed and drink a lot. And I mean A LOT. I hate both those things and I stood up to them. They got annoyed with me, Jacques kept telling me off and Ockie didn't stand up for me. Not once that day. I lost my temper and I went into the house to fetch some money to walk to the garage up the road and buy myself an ice cream. Thing is, to get to the garage I had to walk past the shebeen. Which is dangerous all on it's own. What if I get killed or something happens to me?! I didn't exactly care. I started walking and eventually Ockie and his dad came after me in the Jeep. I refused to get in and his dad left Ockie there with me, where he started walking beside me and started fighting with me all.the.way.home.

Needless to say we said some things we shouldn't have said and broke up IN the street. I just carried on walking, licking my ice cream and crying my way home. Well, to his home. I gave my mom a call to come pick me up and two hours later she pulled into the driveway. Of course she just had to sit down and chat with Ockie's mom and that took another 2 hours of waiting to leave. In those 2 hours, Ockie asked me to join him outside. We spoke. He told me how much he cares for me and that he's sorry it had to end like this but maybe it was better this way. I agreed. He gave me 3 kisses before we left. A kiss on my forehead. A kiss on my nose. And a kiss on my mouth. Oh and I still remember how his lips felt on my skin. I still remember how he hugged me so tightly I thought I would explode. And how I didn't want to let go...

The memories of Ockie have faded so much over the years... but how he made me feel is still with me. I guess it's true then. "People won't remember what you did, they'll remember how you made them feel." =) I miss him sometimes. I still think about him. I think about how we used to be and how we could have been. But I know it wouldn't have lasted. I know we were just kids and that love (nature) ran it's course with us. And that's okay. But I will always wonder... Is that weird?

What is YOUR true love story??