Mar 17, 2010

Marlene - 17/06/2005

Eunice, my friend on the farm and I, grew up together. Her dad and my mom have known each other for years and years. Her mom passed away when she was 10-years-old. Her dad took years to have any kind of relationship. Marlene was his first real love. They were everything to each other. They 'fixed' each other, to put it bluntly. They were great together and she was great with us, as well as her own kids. Eunice's dad became like my surrogate dad or something. Because of this, Marlene took it upon her to become our 'other mother'. Which turned out surprisingly good. Unfortunately, Marlene committed suicide with all of us in the house. While we thought everything was going great. I wrote this almost a year after she shot herself. Clearly I was young. And a complete drama-queen.

Here I am again. All alone with this inner struggle I can't seem to win. The tears have stopped; they've turned into blood inside of me. I'm trying everything to heal the wounds you left, but it's hard, Marlene, very hard. You left so suddenly. I was so vulnerable, yet you left.

What went through your head?
Did you think we didn't love you enough?
Did you think of the pain?
Did you think of your sons and your daughters?
Or was it all about you?
You've had a very hard life, I know that, and you've been through the worst. But why couldn't you just let it out some other way? I didn't have to end like this! But it did. My new 'mommy' left my side and made me doubt my own life... but almost a year later, I'm still standing. I'm going on, alone with my broken soul.

I'm just thankful I'm alive Marlene. People love me just the way they love you. My friends and my family are so good to me, I can't just go and leave them in the same pain you left me... it's wrong.

Author: Maryke Pretorius

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