Jan 12, 2011


I clearly have issues.  I had another dream last night and I don't know what to make of it.  I dreamed that I was was pregnant, again.  In the dream, I was pregnant, but not really showing a belly.  In the dream, I was in labor, I was on the way to giving birth.  Slowly, but surely.  It was so strange.  I wasn't in a hospital, I was at a house, in the garden, with people all around me.  There were friends, family  and acquaintances from all walks of life there.  Supporting me.  Helping me.  Talking and socializing.  There was food and drink and everyone was having a good time, too.  Except for me and my labor pains, of course, but everyone was there to take care of me and make sure I was comfortable and all that jazz.  I even had a male 'midwife'!

In the dream, I knew the father was Gerhard.  But he wasn't there.  In the dream, I still remember thinking that I will send him a message that his child was born healthy and beautiful, and the child's name.  This, in fact, is exactly what happened to my mother, and one of the things I'm quite terrified about.  One of the things he said he would never do to me.  But in the dream, he did.  I was okay, though.  I had everyone who ever loved me there.  I knew we would be okay.  I knew we would be taken care of.

I woke up before I 'gave birth' and before I sent him the message in the dream.  I could hardly move, it was the strangest feeling.  I don't know what to make of it, but I think I will take it as a good sign.  I will be okay, without him.  I will be okay...  I am stronger than anything he can throw at me.  And he's thrown me with a lot.  He's tried to break me, but he won't succeed.
I will 'have that child', without him.  I have a big support system.  I have so much to be grateful for.

I can.


Abby said...

Glad to hear... I have those kinds of weird dreams sometimes, and I am glad that you can take positivity from it. I admire you for that.

JUST ME said...

Be in your power, mama. Know that OF COURSE you'll be okay on your own and with peeps who love you.

The best revenge is a life well lived. ;)

ladytruth said...

Maybe you're 'giving birth' to the new you without Gerhard? It's not easy for you and it's painful, but your support system is there and they're helping you through this tough process. That's just my humble opinion :) But I'm excited about this new Obama-attitude of I can, because you really can, sista! With a little help from your friends ;)

Maryx said...

Abby - Nice to hear.. Thanks!


Ladytruth - that has got to be the best explanation I've heard and can even think of! Thank you!

Vinita Santhosh said...

Really glad to read the last lines... way to go girl!