Jan 19, 2011

Some things I learned about myself this past weekend

This weekend I went to a career-psychologist.  What an eye-opener.  She started the session talking about things from the time I was born up to the present day.  I took my mother and my aunt with me (she asked me to bring the two people closest to me, who know me the best).  It's amazing what she can deduct from what I've said.  It's amazing how some things that seem irrelevant, have so much importance.  It was fascinating to say the least!

Here are some of the things I learned about myself through the whole process:
  • I hate change.  I've known this for quite some time, I just never knew how 'serious' it was and how far it really stretched.  Really interesting.
  • I have no faith in myself.  Turns out, it's true, even if I didn't want to admit it.  There are a lot of things surrounding this, of course.  But the main point, it turns out, is that I don't have enough faith in myself to follow my dreams and take full responsibility and full risk for them.  I want to take the 'safe option' of studying something that is familiar to me in my line of work, but did I really think my 'line of work' through?  I doubt it.  Can I see myself doing it for the rest of my life?  No.  The 'safe option', to me, also includes knowing that when I get the degree in Strategic Supply Management, that I will always have a stable job, a stable income, and I will know the environment.  There is a definite market in the supply chain industry.  Isn't that what everyone hopes for in their job?  Well, yes.  But is everyone happy in their line of work?  Really, really happy?  I definitely doubt that.  I need to work on following my dreams, risks and all, and to get out of my comfort zone!
  • I have 5 Role Models in my life.  My mother.  My grandmother.  My aunt.  My uncle.  My grandfather.  They are, in essence, my family.  I have extended family of course, but no one as close.  These five people raised me, shaped me, and made me the person I am today.  I had an amazing childhood, and also quite a protected childhood, thanks to these five people.  I also couldn't have asked for better role models.  And it's strange, how something(s) from each and every one of them, have manifested itself in me.  I am not complaining of course, I am grateful.
  • I am not a team player.  I prefer working on my own thankyouverymuch.  This comes through in many facets of my life.  It stemmed from her asking me if I ever played any sports in primary school.  Which, by the way, I didn't.  All I did was athletics and that's only because I was forced to do it.  I've never been a fan of team sports.  I'd probably punch my team mate or something.  But in high school I ended up doing extra-curricular sport in the form of Kickboxing and Muaythai.  Why?  Because I could do it on my own!  And if I had to do it with someone, the idea was to punch them or kick them in one way or another anyway.  Bonus!  So yes, it turns out the one-girl-show that is Maryke, doesn't play well with others.  It has come through into my school and work situation through the years, as well.  I work better alone than with others.  Go figure.  I've always had this idea that if you want something done right, do it yourself.
  • My creative side is dominant.  No shit, Sherlock?!  I'm sure I could have told her this from the get go, but the idea was for her to figure it out herself.  She gave me 'tests' to do.  Not the traditional question-and-answer test, just a list of things that I had to decide if they interest me or not, on a scale of 1-9.  Pretty interesting.  We narrowed it down to 6 things and used the same type of scale on them.  Art, graphics, animation (etc) and creative thinking is the strongest, hands down.  And when she heard that it is exactly what I want to do, she almost fell off her chair.  She couldn't believe me 'decision' to go into Strategic Supply Management.  It's just not me.  Yes, thank you, I knew that already.
  • I don't like the spotlight.  Yeah, I never did enjoy it.  I'm more of a behind the scenes person.  I'm also better at helping and/supporting other people than I am at asking for it in return.  I don't like spotlight, at all.  I didn't like it in school, I still don't like it.  Strange thing is, I'm pretty much the Master Drama Queen when I'm with my family, and sometimes when I'm with me friends.  But then again, that's my comfort zone.
  • I am protecting my inner child.  Fascinating, right?  I thought so.  I had to ask her to explain of course, and it turns out that she's right, even more so than I want to admit to anyone.  I am protecting the child I once was and I don't want to let her go.  It's a good thing, in a way, but also not so good, obviously.  I have to kind of explain to little me that it is okay to let go and do things on my own, completely on my own.  That I am capable of doing it all and that I have to have faith in myself.  No one is there to do it for me anymore.  No is there to take care of me anymore, I have to do it myself.  Even if I have supportive family and friends to lean on.  But that's just what they are - support.
  • I am very emotional.  Noooooooo... Ya think?!  Yes, I think with my heart before I think with my head.  Scary thought sometimes.  Gets me into trouble more often than not.  But I won't complain.  That's just me.  Ya gotta love me!  She reckons that if I go for the studies in BCom Strategic Supply Management, my emotional unhappiness will overwhelm my ability and intelligence to be able to do it, and I will just stop.  I will have wasted money, time and effort.  And I really, really, really don't want that to happen.
There are a lot of things that were mentioned and elaborated upon in our two and a half hour session with this woman, but these were the 'highlights'.  Some things to think about and some things to work on.  But at least now, finally, I have my family standing behind me in my decisions. Very liberating, I tell you.  It feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.


Ella Unread said...

Woah those are great things to learn!!!
It's very cute that you're protecting your inner child...I've been thinking, if you aren't a team player, wouldn't it get difficult to get others to do stuff for you? hmm, just thinking.
It's cool you are being helped to find out what you want, leaving your family pressure aside, that is. I am glad they are supporting your decision now :)

Maryx said...

Thanks Ella! (And yeah now that you mention it like that... oh well!)