May 14, 2010

I don't understand...

My Dearest Friend,

I miss you. When I told you this, you got mad at me. I think you've changed a great deal. When I shared that with you, you stopped talking to me. I don't how to tell you that I love you and care for you and that I really, really want you in my life. I don't know how to explain to you that I honestly do not understand what you are 'going through' at the moment. I don't know what it is to be so infatuated with someone, that the whole world evaporates around you and you are left alone - Together with only that person. I don't understand how that is completely okay with you. I really don't understand. Probably because I can't relate.

I asked you to help me understand. To talk to me. Your answer? 'It's difficult...'

I don't understand. I don't understand a lot of things lately.
I don't understand why you would just forget your friends... I thought we would always be there for one another.
I don't understand why you don't want to see your friends anymore... because we really want to spend time with you.
I don't understand why you think you need money to see us... coffee at home is for free.
I don't understand why you need to spend every possible moment with your boyfriend... but you don't have one to spare for your friends.
I don't understand why I would move mountains for you, to see you, to help you, to make life easier for you... but suddenly, you wouldn't do the same for me. (Or that's how it seems).
I don't understand why you need a man to 'make you'... You've never needed it before. (I would never let that happen to me).
I don't understand why you don't talk to me anymore... you have no idea how many times I really need you to.
I don't understand why you're 'gone' out of my life... Was it SO bad to open my mouth and tell you how I feel?

There are a lot of things I don't understand. I really need answers. I really need to know what I did wrong. It bothers me to think that you got mad at me because I told how I really felt. And how much I missed having you in my life. I thought we could be honest. I thought that's what our friendship is based on. I thought you would always be there, no matter what. Like I would be for you. But alright... I get it. What I understand behind this is that maybe I should realize that life is teaching me a lesson.

What's the lesson?
Don't expect from other people what you expect from yourself.
Don't expect other people to do what you do.
Don't expect other people to be anything like you.
Don't trust so easily.
Sometimes it's just better to keep quiet. As much as I DON'T want to. It's just better that way.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I Miss U