Grenade My Ass

Gerhard, I never thought I'd have to write something like this, but now I am...  WHY in the name of all things Holy did you ever think it okay to send me that song?!  I know you try and express yourself with song lyrics.  I know that.  I know you.  But ... seriously?!  Bruno Mars - Grenade?!?!

Are you so self-absorbed that you really, genuinely saw our whole screwed up 'relationship' upside down and wrong way round?  I should be sending YOU this song you numbnut!!

Okay... I'm trying to calm down here, but I'm SO flabbergasted by your actions that I don't really know how to react?  Never mind the two things you sent me?!

I CAN'T HAVE YOU

If loving you is wrong
Then my heart knows not what is right
I cry myself to sleep
Every second of the night
What is there to do?
What is there to say?
I know I can't have you
But still I give my heart away

I’d walk a thousand miles
And cry a thousand tears
Just to know your love
Will be waiting for me
But what is there to feel?
When you don’t feel the same?
I know I can’t have you
But still I give my love away

You are my dream come true
I wished upon a star for you
But what am I to know?
If you really love me so
I know I can’t have you
But still I give myself away 

ONE LAST WORD

One Last Word
Sitting in silence,
In the middle of the night,
Not able to sleep,
Because of our stupid fight.

Love now lost,
So much pain,
Its not all about you,
Dont be so vain.

I dont know what to say
My feelings are mixed,
Im wondering if ever,
Things will be fixed.

I was so sad,
As you walked out the door,
Our relationship broken,
But I couldnt take any more.

I didnt want us to end,
I want you to know,
Ill always love you,
But cant let it show.

Its too complicated,
And will always be,
I love you to bits,
But you cant be with me.

I have to tell you,
I believe in fate,
Im waiting for god,
To find my sole mate.

I know Im crazy,
Even insane,
But I believe in this,
And have no shame.

Im so sorry,
Im not right with you,
Now Im saying goodbye,
What else can I do? 

 Why?!  Please oh please just tell me why?!

Yes, I don't understand.  Do I ever?!  You gave me a missed call today.  You sent me an MMS Message of your naked upper body 6 days ago.  You comment on my blog.  You found me on OkCupid.com and sent my an email.  You email me songs.  Please, explain to my WHY.

You asked me never to contact you ever again.  You told me how very unhappy I make you etc etc etc.  I did as you asked.  I know I slipped up here and there.  I shouldn't have.  I told you I'm sorry.  I don't respond to any of the contact you're trying to make.  But come on?!  I replied on the OkCupid mail, asking you why.  I'm waiting on your response.  Because really now, why would you send me this whole 'poems' thing telling me you don't want me etc etc yet YOU are the one contacting ME?!  Trying to get MY attention?!

You'll always have a place in my heart Gerhard, just like I will always have one in yours I guess.  But please, when you say you're going to do something, or that I have to, stick with it.  For once in your life, stick with it.  I'm doing okay, you know?  I'm dealing with things that has nothing to do with you.  New things.  Different things.  New people.  Different people.  Not you.  Why would you want to come and stir things up for me?  If you love me, like you say you, why would you want to keep on stirring things up and hurting me?

If you want to stay away from me, then stay away.  If you don't want me in your life, then go.  Just make up your mind.  Your mood swings are (still) worse than a rollercoaster ride.  You (still) give me whiplash.

And remember, for future reference, that you let me go.  Not the other way around...