Feb 16, 2010

You Want Me to WHAT?!


I've known Ilze for 14 years. That's a long time. That's a long friendship. We lost track of each other through the years. We spoke less. Shared less. We found each other. Lost each other. And found each other again. We're close now. We're like two butt cheeks. We're like family. Ilze is there for me when I need her. Through thick and thin. Ilze supports me. Ilze knows that she wants me in her life. Ilze knows that she loves me. As I love her. Ilze doesn't hide stuff from me.

Get the picture? We're tight.

I've known Gerhard (that's the ex-boyfriend, Peanut, by the way) for about 6 years. I met him. We saw each other a couple times. We lost contact completely. We found each again last year. We hit it off. We fell in love. We started dating. It was amazing. He screwed up. He lost my trust. He did some things he shouldn't have done and said some things he shouldn't have said. I left him. I want him back. I want him in my life. I love him. Yes. I love him. But all he does is hurt me. Lately. We spend the weekend together. We have fun. He's met my friends. They got along like a house on fire. (Shitty saying btw).

Gerhard asks me (every time he visits) if we can go and visit Ilze. Alright. Fine. Weird. But fine. (Especially since he told me straight that if it wasn't for me he'd want to be with Ilze. Disturbing much?) Sunday I told him that Ilze doesn't want to see him. He's MY ex. MY problem. She's MY friend. She stands by ME. Understandable right? What a great friend! Apparently not. Not to him. He was under the impression that when he met Ilze, through me, that they're buddy buddy best friends. Not according to Ilze. Unspoken Friend Rule ring a bell?

A fight ensued between Gerhard, Ilze and I with Gerhard freaking out all over the show. No one getting through to him and him not understanding the friendship plot. Very childish I assure you. At the end of the day - HE ASKED ME WHO WOULD I CHOOSE BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM!

Why in the name of everything Holy would you ask me that question?!
Do you have a death wish or something?!

I am shocked. I am speechless. I am hurt. He has NO RIGHT to ask that of me. He is NOT being fair. But honestly... did he think he would gain favor over my Best Friend?! What would I have if I don't have her?! He could drop me like an old rag at any time. Nothing lasts forever, remember? THEN what do I have?! NOTHING

I love my friends. I need my friends. They are my sanity. They are my refuge and my pillars of strength. As I am to them. No one will take that away from me. No one.

6 comments:

Simon said...

Umph. I'm afraid blokes are pretty clueless when it comes to this sort of thing. You know, emotions. Subtlety. Things like that.

Jenn(ifer) said...

boys. they just don't get it.

Mr. Condescending said...

That is NOT right!

Indrayani said...

This is...So wierd!

Hillbilly Duhn said...

I hope you told him to f off. I told my hubs when we first started dating that my friends were me. If he ever made me choose, he'd be the one to loose out, not them, not me....

He understood, even though he has a few issues with one of my friends being in love with me. He deals cause he knows I won't make that choice.

Maryx said...

Simon - Frustratingly enough Yes!

Jenn - Clearly!

Mr. C - Thank you

Indi - This is...So wrong as well =)

Hillbilly Duhn - Yeah well he understands full well that although I want him as my No.1 in my life, my friends DO come first. Am I talking in circles?