WHy do I still feel for him? Why does my heart beat faster when he's near me? Why do I crave his touch and his eyes on me? Why do I want to kiss him so badly? Why do I want to spend time with him? Laugh with him? See his smile?
I thought I was going out of my mind this weekend.
I completely and utterly believed that I was SO over him. I totally convinced myself that he's a thing of the past and that, even if we could be friends, I could totally be okay with him seeing other people and JUST being friends. And... I think I am. Okay with it. And over him. Mostly. But not completely. What a scary thought...
We spent time together. Because I went to visit my friend, Leigh, in Amanzimtoti. We didn't plan this. In fact, we never planned to ever see each other again. But things happen and plans change. We had to see each other if I wanted to see my friend. They live together for Pete's sake. What was I to do? I was terrified to say the least. I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to be around him. And I didn't want to have him being horrible to me. Seeing as our paths separated rather badly. In his eyes. But the thing I was most scared of... That we would we get along like we always did. Brilliantly.
That's exactly what happened. We got along like two peas in a pod. Most of the time (Read: Especially when he was drinking). Says a lot huh? A lot has changed since we last saw each other. His drinking isn't one of them. It's calmed down, but I think it's just because he doesn't have they money to drink like he used to. Otherwise he would. I could be mistaken though.
We had a ball of a time. All of us. Well, I think so. I enjoyed it. There were times we did close to nothing and times we were busy. No one really had money for anything but we enjoyed each others company. And that's the most important part of a friendship I think? Him and I got along great as well. Although I had to watch (and hear) him sucking face with the slut of the town (Literally. She has a well-known reputation. That he didn't know of. Now he does. Yay Me.) =D We enjoyed talking, joking and laughing. We enjoyed sharing a couple of stories etc. We had a heart to heart or two. Not about us. Thank goodness. I enjoyed it.
The weekend was fun and I would love to tell you all about it. I will sometime. Just not now. Not here. Another story for another time. I don't want the things I type here to be ripped out of proportion by anyone. I know that what I FELT was wrong. Maybe even what I did. I don't know. But I don't want to make anything of it. The past is the past is the past... Let's keep it that way. For my sake. And yours.