Apr 29, 2010

It's just keys

I don't quite know how to handle fighting with a friend. Even just sorting out something bad to make my own life better, and talking to them about it, terrifies me. No matter how necessary it is. I hate fighting. I hate feeling like this. I hate the thought of losing someone I love.

A friend of mine came to live with my mom and I for a month. To get out of the place she was living in until she moves into her own flat with another friend of hers. Awesome! Or so I thought. We saw her once a week. Because the rest of the week she was staying with the new boyfriend. We (and by 'we' I mean myself and the rest of the friends) hardly ever got to see her even if we invited her for dinner or wine. The new boyfriend was always there. IS always there.

During the time my friend moved in with us, I offered up my gate remote to her because I can open the gate with my cellphone (for guest visit purposes). I did this for a whole month. Sometimes, depending on the weather and how the gate feels I guess, the thing won't open when I want it to. So there I sit, stranded, can't go into my own home or I can't get out. Either way, it's NOT nice. Especially when I'm late. So I end up phoning my mother (who's cellphone is also connected to the gate system, like mine) and ask her to open for me. This drives her, and me, absolutely loony!! She gets angry and irritated with me, she yells at me, she yells through my phone at the gate.. it put some (a lot) of strain on our relationship. But we endured it because we were helping my friend and she needed the remote.

She only used the remote once.a.week.
I go in and out of my house every.day.
I had issues with the gate on average three.times.a.week.

My friend moved out this weekend past. She left with the keys and remote. And all her belongings. She'll bring my keys when she gets a chance. Okay Okay Breath. Calm down. It's fine. It's no big deal. Really. . . That was Sunday. Monday, I wasn't at work. I wasn't far from home all day. I was home Monday night. No keys. Tuesday was a public holiday, I went to the shops for 3-odd hours and I was home the rest of the day. No keys. Another fight with mom. A fight with gran (She's the owner of the house). I offered to drive to her place and pick up the keys, on both days. She hasn't fully moved in yet because she doesn't have a bed. She's staying with the boyfriend until she finds a bed. He lives way on the other side of town. I can't come over to get the keys. She'll bring my keys when she gets a chance.

Wednesday (yesterday) she tells me she's bringing the keys. Whoohoo!! Wednesday night she sends me a message that she can't come over to bring the keys because her boyfriend is on standby for work and he has to go for a job that night, and that she'll bring the keys on Friday. Guess what sweetie?? I have plans on Friday. Guess what sweetie?? You have your own car. Guess what else?? You have a drivers license and you are a totally independent, strong woman who can think for herself and drive to my house to bring me the keys. Seeing as it's your responsibility, I don't see what the problem is. Because, as if it's not enough that you have our house keys and remote, you also have our alarm code, which we have to change now, because my mom doesn't trust your boyfriend, even though she trusts YOU.

I spoke to her today. I told her (very) nicely that I don't want to fight with her, but that she has to make a plan with our house keys. It's becoming a problem for my mom and I. Did I say that in the wrong way? Did I say that rudely? I don't know. Because she got ANGRY with me. Angry. She lashed out and told me that she can't drive at night because she can't see (that's new) and that she was with the boyfriend all night long while he was on call. She sarcastically said to me 'Sorry but it's not like I've had the keys for a month and don't want to give it back!'.
I asked her why she's angry with me and she told me that I upset her and that it seems as if we don't trust her and that she's going to steal stuff from our house.


Miscommunication. Once again. Fantastic.

I love my friend and I don't want to upset her. I didn't even want to hurry her up for the keys, but I was left with no other choice. I feel like a monster. But is it justified? I'm not sure. I just want to let it go. That's all. I hope she can too.

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