Apr 14, 2010


I like building bridges. Not the actual, stone and cement kind mind you, the mental bridges. The ones you have to build to get over the curve balls life throws at you. I like building them. I like telling people to build them. Not only because it's easy to say, but because it's easy to do as well. I have to build bridges. I have to stay sane and one step ahead of everyone else. Or I like to think so anyway. I can't afford to sit in a corner and feel sorry for myself. I don't afford myself that luxury. I realize everyone needs it sometimes, but I hate it. And I hate burdening people with my sh!t. Although I usually do. I realize that. I also realize that people have to talk about things. People need advice and acceptance and to know they are, in fact, not losing their marbles completely.

It's like when I phone a friend and yell and scream and huff and puff at them for something that has absolutely nothing to do with them. When I'm done, and they've listened, I feel better. I'm calmer. I feel more sane. I try and be that friend for others as well. I want them to know they can vent by me if they need to. I'll always listen. But... there are certain things that just get old and overdone. You have to cross the bridge at some point. I know it may take long or it may be quick and more or less painless, but you have to cross it.

I think I have crossed my bridge. I built, and built, and built. I think I'm ready to cross it now. I took a time. I was hurt. I was vulnerable. I was emotional. I admit it. But I'm crossing the bridge now. Although I don't have all the answers I want, and my understanding is a bit vague, I have realized that I must let some things go and leave it in my past. If not for my own sanity, for the sanity of others as well.

I have a problem with forgive and forget. I think it's because when I give you a part of myself and do it fully and completely. No holds barred. I try my very best never to lie to you or deceive you and I try everything to be the best friend you could think of. I don't always succeed. Realistically... I just don't. I can't be that to everyone. I have my faults. I make mistakes. I just have to realize that, as I have.. so do others. And that's okay. That's normal. Human. I have built my bridge and I'm crossing it.

Will you cross it with me?


Andhari said...

"When you're down...make a bridge and get over it."

So familiar with that line. Not always easy to apply, of course, but the message is good. Even your closest people will get wired up if you keep on whining and whining. For the first few stages, you need people to build that bridge but then you gotta do the finishing all by yourself. I'm happy that you're ready to move on.

Maryx said...

=) You're so right! As always... hehe