Jan 26, 2010

Let Me Cry

I want to scream but I don't
I want to cry but I won't
I want to be happy and smile
But I just sit here with sadness for a while.

I know if I hold in my tears it would be words,
But I'll hold it in with all my force.
I want to take my anger out but I stay quiet,
I want to throw things and start my own riot.
My passion is music and writing,
instead of throwing things crying or fighting.

Maybe I'll show my tears, just maybe.
NO! I'm a strong woman not a baby!
You ALL hurt me but I'll show no fear,
By the time you know it I will be gone forever,
Not just for 1 year.

I can't show you that I'm sad, I can't give you that pleasure.
But it's hard to hold this all in with all this pressure.
KARMA will get you for all the pain.
I will LAUGH once you hold your head down for all your shame.
Holding my tears back has caused ANGER & HATE,
but you would never make it up.

It's too late.

I will show you my agony, pain and anger.
And you will ask me 'Why?'
It's because you didn't LET ME CRY...


The author is Erika Aleman. Not me. But wow. How expressive. And true.
It made me think. I hate it when that happens. Sounds strange huh? I shouldn't think okay? As I've said before, I have a Pandora's Box in my mind where I store sh!t that's not important. And sh!t that is. Sh!t I can't handle. Sh!t I don't want to think about. I'm a very good liar. I lie to myself all the time. I'm not good at lying to the people I love though. It's like they can see right through me. But lying to myself is rather easy. Am I talking in circles? Yeah, probably.

Thing is... it just feels like I want to cry. I want to let it all out. I want to open Pandora's Box and let everything out. Deal with everything. Feel everything. Take care of everything. Do everything. Say everything.

But I can't. I have to be strong.
If not for me, for everyone else.

So I hold it all back. I stash it away. Sometimes I have to work really hard to close that damn box, but I succeed... eventually. Sooner rather than later. Usually. Doesn't help though. I guess I have to invest in a bigger box?


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