Jan 19, 2010

Build a Bridge. I Had To.

Is it a common thing for men to want attention
Is it that hard for men to understand that there are, in fact, other people in my life? Other people who deserve just as much
(if not more) attention, love and time as he does. Other people who need me. Friends. Family. Co-workers. Is it that hard for men to understand that I do, in fact, work when I'm at the office? I don't sit around waiting for a text from him or try and contact him as much as I possibly can.

I have
NO.PATIENCE. for Pity Parties. None. Zilch. Nada. Nothing. Be a man. Grow up. Stand up for yourself and be independent. You're not a 6 year old boy for goodness sake you're 26!!

I feel like screaming. I feel like running. Ready... Steady... GO!! Away from here. Away from him. Not a good thing I assure you. He's pushing me away by clinging to me. He wants more attention. He wants more love. He wants more texts. He wants more phone calls. He wants more time. And I don't know how to give it to him!!

NEWSFLASH : Even if I DO love you...
My world does not revolve around you!

That doesn't mean I don't think about him all the time. That doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with him and see him as much as I can. That doesn't mean he is of any less value in my life. I am a strong girl. I am independent and I have a life outside of my relationship. Which I think is very healthy. Thing is, I don't think he has that. That can't be good right?

We sorted out our sh!t with the whole
Christell issue. I think he got a big scare. Good. I don't know how I'm going to trust him again like I used to. As a friend says... A relationship is like a 3 legged pot. Every leg on the pot means something - Love, Honesty & Trust. If one leg breaks, the pot falls down. It can't stay upright. And you have to fix it damn well quickly I guess! It'll take time, I know, but I believe in second chances. I believe that what happened doesn't change the person he is. His qualities and his ways. It just changes the situation. The trust. The honesty. It makes a person wonder. And that's never good. See, I can forgive, but I know I won't ever forget.

There I trailed off my subject. Again. Oops. Whatever.
I'm just so frustrated right now! I don't know
what to say to him and I am in no mood (ever) to coochie coo lovie dovie anybody. I'm not his mother. I'm not his babysitter. I am ME. I am all that I want to be and I like that I have found who I am and what I want. I don't have time to make some ELSE feel better. I do it all the time and I try my very best. Especially with him. I can't do more than that. And I don't need negative people in my life either. They just drag me down with them. Why would I want that?

Where do I go from here?

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