Jan 21, 2010

A Dream I didn't want

I had a dream last night. About Glitch. The Ex-Boyfriend. Why would I have a dream about him? Why would I even want to have a dream about him?? It's normal right? I mean, I dream a lot. There's bound to be memories stuck in there, and thoughts and feelings, and they replay in my dreams? I'm sure that's it.

What's most disturbing is... this dream has made me think of him. It's made me think of him with rose colored glasses on again. It's made me think of the good times, the fun times, the romantic times and the crazy times. I can't remember the dream exactly but I recall something about being at his house. But outside. And I'm pretty sure I was with another guy. Not sure who though. And as this guy pushed me down on the ground, or a bed or something of the sort, and pushed my head back to kiss me in the neck... I was staring straight at him. Through a window. But not just him, his mom and dad as well. I really like his mom and dad. I'm really sad he screwed that up for me. I would have loved to still visit them. But after he freaked out on me... haven't I told that story yet? I should. Soon.

Anyway... after he saw me he came outside and tried to take me away. And I walked away with him. Willingly. I walked away with him and we just... walked. We talked a lot. Like old times. We laughed. Made jokes. Bullied each other. We were just so comfortable together. And every time he touched me I
felt those familiar fireworks we had...

Okay now I feel like a cheater.

I'm over him. I know I am. I don't want him back. I'm ... pretty sure... of that. I think it's just the comfort zone I was in that I miss. I guess. The old times. The good times. But in the end... the bad times outweighed the good times.

Is it true that you can't ever stop loving someone? I mean, if you stop loving someone, maybe you never loved that person to begin with. I don't think love every disappears. It just evolves. Or fades. But never truly goes away. I guess I must have loved Glitch. 9 months is enough for me to love someone. And his family. He (they) were my world for quite some time. And I wouldn't change that for anything. But now... memories are rushing back. Old feelings are coming alive. And I'm pushing them down left, right and center. Is it because the BF and I aren't sunshine and roses at the moment? Could be I guess. But I hate it. I want it gone.



Andhari said...

It's not about stop loving someone. It's more like, when he suddenly appears in your mind it tends to bring emotional feelings from the past. But it doesn't always mean you're not over the guy.

sid kane said...

Oh frigging hell. You totally made me cry at work. *sigh*

Maryx said...

Andhari - Thank goodness. HAHA!

Sid - Sh!t. Sorry. Sharing my sentiments here?