1. I always wanted to have someone, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life... (Inside card) - I've changed my mind.
2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life... (Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.
3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am.... (Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me ..
4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go.... (Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.
5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age.... (Inside card) - Almost lifelike!
6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me... (Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.
8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket... (Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .
9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday... (Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.
10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but wonder..... (Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking
11. I'm so miserable without you... (Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.
12. Thank you for being part of my life..... (Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!
13. Congratulations on your wedding day! (Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.
15. Hooray..... (Inside card) - You're divorced.
16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened... (Inside card) - Especially since you survived.
17. Congrats on getting married... (Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.
18. Someday I hope to marry... (inside card) - Someone other than you.
19. We have been friends for a very long time.... (inside card) - What do you say we stop?