Nov 10, 2009

Don't Make Any Promises...

He told me he's sorry. He told me he loves me with all his heart. He told me I'm his one and only. He told me I'm the one he wishes for every day and night. He told me he'd never lie to me again. He told me he'd change. He told me that nobody could ever replace me. He told me that I'm The One. He told me he'd work for me and fight for me.

He promised me.

Then why don't I believe him? Why am I not able to look into his eyes and feel the love we had for each other, anymore? What happened for me to lose what I thought we had? I guess that's exactly it... I thought we had it. I thought we could make it. But an ex is an ex for a reason. We couldn't make it the first time. It didn't happen the second time. And we didn't even get to the third time. Doesn't that say something? It's just not meant to be. He's just not for me.

But he promised me.

Please, don't promise me anything. Don't promise me forever either. Just love me day by day. Because forever never ends. Forever love isn't supposed to hurt either. It's not supposed to make you cry or make you want to run away. It's supposed to be your everything. Your reason for breathing. What I feel when I think of him, now, is just so wrong. In so many ways. He lied to me. He thought I wouldn't find out. He tried to hide things from me. He got clingy and baby-ish. I need a man, not a child. What don't you understand? I need someone who can look after me as I look after him. I need someone who can be there for me. I need... a lot of things. But all I needed was him. But he just couldn't be there...

So I did what I always do... I put up my walls and radiated my awesomeness! *Winks*
I AM better than that. I AM amazing.
I AM a good friend. I AM worth remembering.
I AM worth keeping in your life. I AM gorgeous.
I AM the one you'll miss when I'm gone.
I AM someone you don't want to mess with.
I AM all that...

And you know what? It's okay to think like that. It's okay to give myself so much self-worth. If I don't do it, who will? And you know what... ? .. People around you pick up on that and they realize that. People appreciate that and learn from that. People appreciate you.

So don't promise me anything ever again. Asshole.


Simon said...

I may have had zero experience in romance, but I can tell you that words such as ‘I will never lie to you again’ and ‘I will change’ are rarely upheld.

Good luck sustaining your awesomeness though.

Maryx said...

True. Unfortunately. Why is that?!

And thanx. I will. It's all about how you feel about yourself. And I won't let anyone else tell me otherwise. (Especially not a man)