Oct 6, 2010

Sept 16 - Apparently I'm a bad friend

I told my friends that I would go out with them on the 4th of September. I told them that I don't have the money for it but that I would try and make a plan as best I can. They assured me that they would help me pay. Embarrassing as it is, yes.
We went out with them, Maritz and I, driving our much (else) needed petrol out on a long road that we are terrified of driving on, as my car was written off by a drunk driver on just such a night out, on that road, two years ago.

I was so scared, I started crying, even though nothing happened this time. As we got to our destination and Maritz and I went to withdraw a bit of money, the machine swallowed his bank card, and as we got back to our group of friends, they informed us they were leaving to go to a different place, on the other side of town.

Wait. What?

I drove that terrifying road... for nothing?!
His bank card was swallowed by the ATM... for nothing?!
I was angry. I was uncomfortable. I didn't have even the petrol money to drive to their next destination, and when we get there, we have to pay entrance as well. I doubt they were gonna pay for the both of us, and if they wanted to, I would let them. I hate it. It's uncomfortable and embarrassing.

On our way to the next destination, I sent them a text message that we wouldn't be joining them, for personal and financial reasons, but that they must truly enjoy the rest of the night out. All I got back was - "That's not cool."
Well, guess what, I know that! Having no money for partying is very uncool indeed. Not that you would know how that feels.

A week later, a different group of friends asked me to go out with them, as Maritz was working and I was going to be home alone. I had to share the embarrassing truth with them too, as I really and truly don't have money to go out. At the end of the day, I went out to a club with them. To cover my own ass, I made sure I was there before 9pm. They have a cover charge after 9pm. I made peace with the fact that I was going to enjoy myself for the night, although I'd only be drinking water when I was thirsty, nothing else. My friends that were there took it upon themselves to buy me a couple of drinks out of their own that night. It was very nice of them, but I still felt really awkward. I'm not a charity case. Stop it!

A week after our clubbing night, I found out that the first 2 friends that I had to drop for the rest of the night, is really radically pissed off with me. After seeing the photo's posted on Facebook, they assumed that I just don't want to go out with them or spend time with them.


Why for the love of all things holy would you ever think that of me?! I was looking forward to such a great night on the 4th. I could see it all in my minds eye. You 'dropped' me. To go somewhere else. Somewhere I couldn't go. They are angry at me for not asking them for money. They are angry that I could take money for drinks, which wasn't the case at all, from my other friends but not from them. Like I WANT to?!

I don't know what to do... I apologized for my actions. I apologized to both of them. I apologized that they misinterpreted what I did and misunderstood what I said. They're not talking to me. Well, they're not contacting me. I miss my friend. I'm not used to not hearing from her. I see her at least once a week. I haven't seen her in 2 weeks. I haven't spoken to her in 2 weeks. I don't think I did the wrong thing, but they do. I don't know how to explain myself or make it right.

Do I just ... let it go?

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