Oct 19, 2009

I Feel Fine

I wrote the below piece in school. Obviously. As you'll see. I still feel like this a lot of the time. Just telling people I'm fine. Going about my merry way. Helping everyone else out. Not asking for help myself. But I think a lot of people are like this. We're too proud. And scared. But of what? Rejection? I guess so. Depends really. Anyway... enjoy...

I look up into you eyes, smiling a fake smile.

You ask me how I am and how I feel,

I search your eyes for comfort, I search my soul

For the truth. But I simply reply –“I feel fine.”

Do I really?

Every day I go my usual way,

I walk the school halls non-caringly.

I look you in the face each day,

I put on my protective mask, and I smile at you.

Day after day the same routine, yet in the back

Of my mind I’m screaming for freedom,

Screaming to be myself.

I know if I let go, everything will fall apart

And you’ll see me for who I really am.

I can’t let that happen. So I put on my mask

And I hide behind the shadows of my soul.

Never giving it away… myself.

I can never let you see the hurt and the

Fear I hide, what will you think of me?

So there you are… “I feel fine, nothing’s wrong.”

Don’t worry about me, I’m fine!!!

… NOT …

Author: Maryke Pretorius


ScarletTd1ar1es said...

i just read the first para. cuz i really didnt need 2 u know, read whats next. trsut me there r quite a lot of us lyk dat. to evry1 who asks we r jus fine but somewhere sumthin is missin. i think. i feel.

Andhari said...

It's so human to put on a mask and say okay everytime but there has to be a balance somehow :(

Maryx said...

Thanx Scarlet. I feel less alone. I hate my mask. I bottle too much up inside of me. Not good. Especially when I burst.

Andhari... I'm truly working on that balance lately. It's getting better. Thanx.

ladytruth said...

I think we hide what we feel because it makes us vulnerable and more prone to getting hurt. So we all wear masks everyday and just like you say: tell everyone we're fine

ScarletTd1ar1es said...

totally agree with lady truth.(you just justified ur name madam. :))

maryx. find a vent. cuz if u dont when u burst, the one u burst on is hurt. :(

kys said...

I think we all say that at one time or another, don't we? But the feeling will eventually come out - one way or another.

Maryx said...

Ladytruth - I know. But it's still annoying. It hurts. Yet we don't stop. Our own fault really.

Scarlet - I bottle up too much. I have to stop. But thank goodness I have awesome friends who support me and some who really know me well. But also... it's strange that we as people do not WANT to know about other people pain, heartache or confusion.

Kys - That's what's scary. Depends on what the feeling is.