Aug 13, 2009

Vergelykings - Die Wit Rus

I'm sorry I just have to post this - This is SO FUNNY!!! I just about lay on the floor laughing! But sorry to my avid readers, it's in Afrikaans, and translating it to English will just spoil it completely. So here goes... straight out of the pages of Die Wit Rus:

Vergelykings

Julle sal agterkom dat ek redelik dikwels van vergelykings in my stukke gebruik maak. Party mense se vergelykings word sêgoed, soos bv; So swart soos die nag, so koel soos ´n komkommer, so bleek soos ´n laken. Ek sou ook graag wil hê dat van my vergelykings eendag sêgoed moet word. Nou het ek gedink. Ek gaan ´n klomp van my eie vergelykings hieronder uiteensit en dan moet jy, die leser, dit in die regte lewe gaan gebruik. Wie weet miskien haak daar ´n paar in jou vriende se woordeskat vas.

So akrobaties soos ´n heuningvoëltjie op Speed.
So aantreklik soos ´n model sonder inhibisies
So aggressief soos ´n Buffel met ´n slagyster toegeslaan op sy bal
So aragnafobies soos ´n blinde muskiet
So onbeperkend soos ´n gaas kondoom
Soveel skop soos ´n dubbeltot Toquila in ´n draughtglas Etanol
So depresief soos iemand met ´n wen-lotto kaartjie en twee dae om te leef
So vergeetagtig soos ´n alsheimer-pasient op ´n daggatrip
Lang vingers soos ´n dieretuin-oerangoetang
Groot jeupe soos ´n dragtige Vrieskoei
´n Groot mond soos ´n honger planktonetende Walvis
So kosbaar soos kakpapier by ´n kunstefees
So skaars soos ´n glimlag by die lisensiekantoor
So vinnig soos ´n honger jagluiperd met Terpenryn onder die stert gesmeer
Klein handjies soos ´n sirkusnar
So kort soos ´n mier se ooghare
So swaar soos ´n pregnant Olifant
So skaars soos ´n slim, vriendelike spietkop
So verveeld soos ´n kind by ´n sitrus-seminaar
´n Harige bors soos ´n Gorilla op kreatien
Hang knaters soos ´n Boerbok wat warm kry
So heilsaam soos die Lanbou-weekblad se voorblad
So sensueel soos ´n bronstige Kameelperdmerrie
So mooi soos ´n Elandbul met ´n grys nek
So bevredigend soos ´n lekker lang poep in ´n stil vertrek
So soepel soos ´n gegriesde motorfietsketting
´n Lang nek soos ´n nuuskierige Volstruis
So mooi soos ´n biltongruiker
Ruik so suur soos ´n resies-vrieskoei se hoewe
So dikbek soos ´n asmatiese blaasoppie

Die Wit Rus

8 comments:

Simon said...

Christ. Well, I guess that ‘So akrobaties soos ´n heuningvoëltjie op Speed.’ is something like ‘As acrobatic as a hummingbird on Speed.’ – but that’s about as far as I’m prepared to go.

Mega8815 said...

I'm so proud of you Simon!!!
I'm truly impressed. Yeah some of these just aren't the same when translated. But if you ask me nicely I can try my best.

Thanx for stopping by and making the effort!

Jenn(ifer) said...

Ohhh I feel so left out!
Like when I was younger and my grandmother would speak french with all her friends and I would just stand there and stare; not having a clue as to what they were saying.

I'm going to laugh anyway... Ahh Ha Ha! :-)

Simon said...

Heh. No, don’t worry.

Mainly going by guesses on the similarity to German and/or English words, such as klein (small?), lang (long?), kort (short?), slim (bad?) and so on.

I’m just trying to work out what German/English word ‘swaar’ resembles, that makes it like a pregnant Elephant.

Mega8815 said...

Jenn - So Sorry Girl, but yeah I know how you feel. My grandparents as well as my mother,aunt&uncle spoke french. It was so frustrating when they'd talk about me or something regarding me. Thanx for stopping by though. 'Vergelykings' are just Comparisons. Quite funny. I'll translate a couple when I have the chance. =)

Simon - Slim = Clever & Swaar = Heavy. Awesome!

Mr. Condescending said...

simon is the MAN!

Mega8815 said...

Oh definitely Mr C! I'm shocked and proud of him! How many languages do you know?

Mr. Condescending said...

I like you just assume I know other languages hah.

I can't speak any others completely fluent, but I can get by pretty well in spanish and italian. I can read french fairly well and like simon, although to most likely a lesser degree...find the root language of most words.

I can write arabic and greek fluent as well, and know somewhere around 300 chinese characters. I actually have a pretty strong passion for alphabets and language.

too bad I don't know afrikaans!