Jan 17, 2012


I've been thinking about boundaries lately... the boundaries we set for ourselves and the boundaries we set for other people.  Friends, family, acquintances and collegues.  I've been feeling uncomfortable about some people in recent times and trying to avoid spending time with them.  It's not how I know myself but I'm not blaming myself for it.  There are certain times when I find people who want tell all, like share their life story with me in personal detail.  These people tend to be work collegues, which I find strange.  I'm not the type to generally mix my professional and my personal life, but there are people who have made me more comfortable with sharing my personal life with then, who have made me comfortable in opening up to a certain extent, at work.  And I did.  Only to be brought back to earth that they, in fact, couldn't care less about me and my personal life.  I've accepted the fact of course, but because of that I've turned a bit cold towards them.  I try and distance myself, sometimes too much, and tend to keep more to myself in the workplace.  Is that good or bad?  I honestly don't know.

Tell-All people can be found everywhere, I'm sure.  Like when someone you just met suddenly confides in you about their divorce or something just as personal.  You really do not need to know.  I've found that people find me easy to confide in, even about random sh!t, and it's a good thing I'm sure.  But there are a lot of times that I quite frankly don't care, and find myself in a position where I can't get out of the conversation without being rude or hurting the persons' feelings.

Then you get people who suddenly trust you with their life.  People who jump to closeness way too quickly.  I've met some of these people, and I find it a bit odd, but also quite comforting.  Probably because I know where they are coming from.  Thing is, too many people value trustworthiness and honesty above all, and tend to shut out the people who attach themselves too quickly, ending up hurting these people.  I, for one, cannot stand fake people in my life and tend to shut them out really quickly.  I don't want people in my life who just talk about themselves all the time, I don't want people in my life who don't care about me and how it's going with me as much I care about them and their lives.  I don't want selfish or dishonest people in my life, and I sure as hell can't stand negative people, at all.  When I find someone to be negative I distance myself rather quickly from them.  I'm trying so hard to be positive, and if I find I cannot lift someone up with me, I let go.  Some people just don't want to be helped, and it's beyond annoying to me!

Life is never that bad, I promise.  There is always a way to get out of a hole, whether it's one you created yourself or one you find yourself in because of circumstances or the influence of other people.  And I'm a big believer in the fact that if you send out negative messages to the universe, the universe will respond negatively.  If you remain positive and try your best, there is always positive things coming your way, big or small.

Another boundary includes the need that people have for affection and love.  Sometimes, when you do not get your needs met or when you are negative and feeling lonely, you tend to try and soak up any bit of attention any person can give you.  This may seem needy to some, but at the end of the day it's like you are a dry sponge just yearning for attention and love, in any shape or form.  You cling onto people who care for you and this may lead to pushing those people away, leaving you worse off than before.  It's understandable, but it can be helped.  The trick is to happy with yourself, alone, before seeking the company of others.  Not to fill the void, just to add to your happiness and growth.

People become consumed with other people, at times.  I've had friends in the past, who've gotten so consumed with a certain person or a special someone in their lives, that they forget about the other areas in their lives.  They find value in that person and they feel worthwhile and appreciated, so they let go of other important areas in their lives, like friendships and career and family.  It happens, all the time, where you find that a friend has a new girlfriend/boyfriend, and becomes so attached to this person that they never seem to have time for anyone else.  This, to me, is wrong.  Friends are extremely important.  Family is extremely important.  What would happen if the person consuming your life, had to leave?  You would have nothing left.

Boundaries are important in all areas of life, the confusing thing sometimes, is knowing where to set which boundaries and in what situation or area of your life.  You cannot have the same open relationship that you have your partner, and share it with the people at work for example.  Also, visa versa. 

What do you think about boundaries?

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