May 2, 2012

Friends falling apart?

The 'Best Friend' has decided that I'm not worth it anymore.  I don't know if I've decided the same thing.  I'm just so tired.  I'm tired of being ignored.  I'm tired of having to say sorry all the time, for the stupidest things, and getting nothing in return, even for the big things.  I'm tired of listening all.the.time, and never being listened to.  I'm tired of feeling like I'm doing so much and trying so hard, and I'm not being appreciated for any of it.  She's gotten so angry at me that she won't talk to.  Apparently I yelled at her.  But of course, it's not a problem if she yells at me.  I must just take it and carry on.  She gets angry and has a fight with her fiance, yells at me, I 'yell' back and she ignores me for a week, sends me a lame sorry message, and carries on like there was no problem at all.
Now she's angry that I can't make her engagement party.  I have no money to spend on a R220 p/p buffet.  I have already made solid birthday and housewarming plans with other people.  Delmei has the her engagement party on the same day, which I also have to make an appearance at.  And I tried telling her that I'll come to the pre-buffet cocktails at her parents house because I really, really want to be there.  I'm trying.  I am.  Now, I'm nothing.  And I've already bought them a gift.

Do I go?  Do I leave it?  Do I just go and drop off the gift?  I don't know anymore.  It just feels like everything is suddenly revolving around her since she got engaged.  And you know what?  It's supposed to!  I agree.  She's the bride-to-be and she deserves all the attention and happiness she can get.  I mean, I went to the wedding expo with them, I played Personal Assistant/Possible-Maid-of-Honor, I collected all the info I could get for them, I even made them a file.  I want it to run smoothly for her.  I want to help her and make it special, with the least amount of fuss and issues.  And then?  Nothing.  And you know what?  The rest of us are still here.  I'm still here.  Why is that not important enough anymore?

Thing is, I really don't want to bring it up with her, because I know that if I mention it like that, she'll blow up and accuse me of being jealous of her and them, and their engagement.  Which I'm not.  Far from it, in fact.  I just... don't want to lose my friend.  And I think I am.

Please... tell me if you think I'm wrong and that I'm being selfish or whatever?

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