I've kinda been feeling like this over the 'Festive Season'. I feel like I'm boxed in. I want out. And I want out NOW. If you didn't know... I fcukinghateChristmas. Why?! I honestly don't know. But all these flashing lights, jolly songs, decorations, presents and gift wrapping is driving me insane!!! How do you people do it?!
This isn't normal for me, might I add. I don't know what's come over me but I have a theory... My grandfather passed away just before Christmas last year. So Christmas 2008 was a blur for me. It was an aching, sore, avoid-everything blur. This year... it's progressed. Into hating Christmas. Is that even possible? It's not that I hate Christmas itself. I hate the fuss around Christmas. It seems to me that everyone has forgotten what Christmas is all about. It's NOT about pretty lights and decorations, it's NOT about the carols or the singing, the presents or the gift wrapping, or even the neatly decorated tree or Santa Clause! Do you even realize that?!
Sorry. Does this mean there's something wrong with me? I used to love Christmas. What happened? HAHA! I'm repeating myself.
Yes. Yes I am important. And liked. Maybe even loved. LMAO!!! You DO know I was Hillbilly Duhn's Follower of the Week a while back right?! You don't?! You don't follow her?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!
*Calming Down*
So anyway... she gave this cute award to the followers she's posted on her blog as being awesome!! (Yeah that's me! HeeHee!)
He doesn't believe in love. The boyfriend doesn't believe in love.
*Slightly freaking out*
Not that I'm saying I LOVE him yet. YET. But jeeeeeeezzzzz... is it too much to wish and hope that it might happen?! One day?! ... He says it will change. He tells me (constantly) how in love he is with me. He tells how he WILL love me... He hopes that I can change that for him. He's had so many disappointments in his past. He's given up. Well Whoop-Dee-Fcuking-Doo!! Wake up and smell the farts - SO HAVE I.
But how do you give up on love? How do you give up on such a magical... amazing... Feeling? How do you give up on all that love has to offer? I don't get it. I know that love isn't always real and love isn't always true, but such are the hurdles in life. You have to cross a couple of speed bumps, but you will get over it. They are never that high. So you learn, I say! =D
Me?! Doing a Meme?! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Found it on ScoMan's Blog. Go check his wackiness out people.... Here I go:
1. I've come to realize that my chest-size... is perfectly fine for me. And for the boyfriend apparently. (Side Note: Guys? Is it true that a handful is perfect?!) Whatever.
2. I've come to realize that my job... is not challenging enough for me.
3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving... I'm quite relaxed. But I've also realized... that I HATE driving. Over-did it a bit?! Definitely.
4. I've come to realize that I need... a GHD!!!
5 I've come to realize that I've lost... a lot of memories. Sort of. Pandora's Box is awesome by the way! 6. I've come to realize that I hate it when... People lie to me. DON'T lie to me. I find out the truth. Sooner than you think. In a way you probably didn't think I could or would.
7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk... I get very lovable and loud.
8. I've come to realize that money... is never enough. And is never everything. 9. I've come to realize that certain people... come into your life for a reason. And sometimes that reason is not for them to stay for very long, but rather to teach you a lesson. No matter how small. 10. I've come to realize that I'll always... be able to entertain myself. (Sorry ScoMan but it's VERY true for me as well)
11. I've come to realize that my sibling(s)... are non-existent.
12. I've come to realize that my mom... is absolutely awesome. And the best friend I could ever ask for. (And the fact that she HAS to love helps too... LMAO)
13. I've come to realize that my cell phone... needs a louder and more persistent alarm system. It doesn't wake me up. At all. Anymore. Sh!t.
14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning... that King sized bed really works for my friend and I... who sleep ALL OVER the bed and we STILL had space left because it's so huge.
15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep... I was NOT looking forward to waking up. And going to work. At-Fcuking-All.
16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking... my cat is VERY lovable!
17. I've come to realize that my dad... is a total fcuk nut.
18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook... I have to double check if I'm on my OWN profile. (Long story)
19. I've come to realize that today... is the day before I get my second tattoo! HAHA 20. I've come to realize that tonight... wine is the ultimate relaxer drink with a couple of good friends.
21. I've come to realize that tomorrow... is going to be a good day! (And it's a public holiday in SA!)
22. I've come to realize that I really want to... move to the coast!
23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is... YOU!!
24. I've come to realize that life... is so much better when you have awesome friends like mine.
25. I've come to realize that this weekend... is not all planned out yet. How refreshing.
26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset... is calm music like Enya, Era, Gregorian etc.
27. I've come to realize that my friends... are the family I chose for myself.
28. I've come to realize that this year... I have changed a lot as a person, and I'm happy with all of the changes. (Yes, ScoMan and I are the same in that aspect as well.)
29. I've come to realize that my EX... is not as great as I thought he was. Obviously.
30. I've come to realize that maybe I should... keep my mouth shut more often. I have the tendency to be VERY honest. Not always a bad thing I assure you.
31. I've come to realize that love... is what makes the journey worthwhile.
32. I've come to realize that I don't understand... People. Complicated People.
33. I've come to realize my past... shaped me into who I am today.
34. I've come to realize that parties... are the best when they are spontaneous and random.. 35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified... to lose someone I love.
36. I've come to realize that my life... is pretty damn alright at the moment.
37. I have come to realize that I... have SO much to do in the new year!
Haven't you ever felt like that? Like just lying there under the trees, in the cool shade on a hot summer's day, just staring at the leaves and the sky and everything around you. Just seeing the details. The little things...
It's true... You have stolen my heart. And I hate it. Why do I hate it? Because I'm a damn push-over when it comes to love and the butterflies and hormones are taking over, I'm sure of it. I don't like being so vulnerable. I don't like falling so hard for you. I don't like the uncertainty.
But I do like all the things you tell me. I do like all the ways you make me feel. I do like it when you call me beautiful and kiss me as much as you can. I do like the way you touch me, the way you look at me and the way you hold me. It's almost like I'm the Treasure you've been waiting for your whole life and now you just can't let me go... You really do appreciate me don't you? You really do know what you have in me don't you?
I truly hope so My Love... I'm so tired of hoping. Wishing. Praying. Working on relationships. This time... I don't have the fighting power. This time... I'll just give up. Without a fight. Without a word. Without a second glance. Although I don't want to... I really don't want to. Not this time. Not with you.
A cat named Wilbur went to the store. Why did he go to the store? To get some milk, obviously. Wilbur loves milk, and he goes from store to store to find the best milk but he can't tell the store owners about it since he can't speak. Everyone in town loves Wilbur, with his all black fur, little fuzzy patch of white on his right eye and his three missing whiskers. Every time he walks when his left leg touches the ground, the white eye winks. He's as charming as he is curious.
"Forty thousand chickens perish in barn fire" is the headline of today's newspaper, which Wilbur notices as he scoots through the door under the gait of a trolling fat man.
Normally this wouldn't bother him so much, but lately all the milk has been tasting the same, and not up to par. Something shifty has to be going on, and this barn fire isn't the first one either. As he races out the door and winks his way through the maze of trailers, he tirelessly leaps over old tires, rusty tools, and propane tanks with Velveeta fingerprints on them, leaving his trademark paw prints over every Dodge Neon and Ford pickup in his way. He's got a hunch but needs to do some napping before figuring this out.
Wilbur is a milk taster and connoisseur, he might live in a trailer and not have many possessions but he knows when the milk isn't right. The only other cat in town with a rival palate is Sebastian, but he lives in a drafty barn and has shoddy social skills. You'd lack social skills too if you're wiener was neutered. Sebastian never quite got over the time that he took Mindy out for a nice mouse dinner behind the gypsy tent at the carnival, only to forget the milk. Once the night fell and her stomach was full, Mindy whispered to Sebastian that the night belonged to lovers, and her heart belonged to Wilbur. Plus she was thirsty and in heat, which Sebastian could never fulfill.
Wilbur loved Mindy, she had bright green eyes and a fat ass, but he never could stop her from hanging around the funny sounding restaurant with the pictures instead of words on it. She's been gone for nearly a year now.
All napped up and ready to venture out, Wilbur wondered whether the soft rain showering off the aluminum trailer roof will dampen his night. Tonight he has a date with Felicia, the foxy feline from the yellow house down the way. Wilbur waits outside the window but doesn't see her sexy silhouette as planned. His tail curls in tight, and his piercing calls turn to warbled howls. His ears rest downward, matted by the drifting wind and the heavy rain. You'd swear there was a funeral being held that night in the backyard of that yellow house, by the sound of his melancholy howl. An hour later he can't resist stopping by Sebastian's Barn, where he hears the familiar purr of a female minx, along with the scent of fresh creamy milk. He doesn't need to peek through the walls to see... he knows the scent of the calico dame inside. Sebastian can have Foxy Felicia, but Wilbur misses his milk and he misses his Mindy. If only she wasn't gobbled up by the Chinese buffet.
His only companion tonight is the moon, just one grassy field away.
Amazing words.... Kenna's words once again. Sorry, I can't help it. She's brilliant with words. Words that I can't express right now... but words that I feel. If you know what I mean.
For the longest time I thought I'd lost the best of me But I won't quit now and that's for sure All I ever wanted was for you to look at me And know I'm all yours Like the penguins need their wings for deep cold water dives Like the earth needs the moon to keep it on course When you touch me, I know there is purpose in my life Just know I'm all yours I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along I was so lost but I'm back and I finally know now where my heart belongs I've been wondering if you could ever realize That we're growing up so fast, and it's insane My dear our hearts have gotten good at pumping cheap new lust Into our young veins All this time I've spent without you by my side, I dreamt about you Saw you through the windows in my mind Carved a home for you deep down inside my chest And I never want to lose such a big part of me again
I found this on Kenna's Blog - Oh, This Bittersweet Life. Awesome. Go check her out. She's very original and true to herself. I love how she writes from the heart. And of course... writes words that I cannot I just had to share coz it's so true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I discovered this quote today: "Wait for the boy who pursues you. Wait for the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical. Wait for the kind of person who brings out the best in you, and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the person who will be your best friend. Wait for the person who will drop everything to be with you no matter what the circumstances. Wait for the person who makes you smile like nobody else. Wait for the person who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and a tee shirt. And most of all... wait for the person who will put you at the center of their universe. Because that is exactly where you belong."
As sweet as this quote may be... I have to disagree with it. Because lets face it you guys, we are priceless. And frankly, I think we deserve a lot more than that. So with that being said, (and hoping the author of this quote doesn't mind), I made a few revisions of my own.
"Wait for the boy who not only pursues you…but wait for the boy who chases you like crazy.Wait for the boy who chases you until he can't possibly chase you anymore.Wait for the boy who does everything he possibly can to make sure you're his and he's yours,and refuses to ever let go or give up on that dream.Wait for the one who will not only make an ordinary moment seem magical…but wait for the one who makes sure there are no ordinary moments.Wait for the one who makes every moment magic.Wait for the kind of person who not only brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person,but wait for the kind of person who refuses to let you be anything less than the best you could possibly ever be.Wait for the kind of person who doesn't let you settle for anything less for yourself, because they care too much about you.Wait for the kind of person who sets you straight when you aren't being the best you can be, and who makes you work harder every single day at getting there.Wait not only for the person who will be your best friend,but wait for the person who goes out of their way to be the best friend you have ever had,and ever will have.Wait for the person who will not only drop everything to be with you no matter what the circumstances,but wait for the person who tries to drop everything to be with you, no matter what the circumstances.Not becuase it's the sweet thing to do, but simply because they want to.Wait for the person who not only makes you smile like nobody else...but wait for the person who does it on purpose.Wait for the person who is willing to fight for anything to see your smile.Wait for the person who lives for your smile.Wait for the person who not only wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and a tee shirt…but wait for the person who thinks you are most beautiful in just your sweats and a tee shirt.Wait for the person who tells you that you don't need to wear anything but sweats and a tee shirt,and wait for the person who makes sure that you feel the most beautiful in just sweats and a tee shirt.And most of all… wait not only for the person who will put you up at the center of their universe…but wait for the person who wouldn't settle for making you only the center of their universe.Wait for the person who makes you their entire universe.Because not only is the center of the universe exactly where you belong,but the universe is exactly what you are."
Sometimes I wonder what I would answer if my friends asked me if I was in love with him. Now, they would never question because I'm really good at hiding my feelings due to years of practice. But IF.
"I don't know" I might say. "I'll admit that there is a certain tension between him and me that I don't feel I have with anyone else." Then, after a moment of thought, I might continue: "But, what I do know is that sometimes I want to stroke his back so bad I can't barely stand it, and sometimes I make things on purpose just so I can be near him. What I also do know, is that I'm scared. So awfully scared."
The ting is that I don't want to feel anything. At all. But sometimes the feelings attack me so hard I can't ignore them anymore. They push and push and push, until they finally come through, and then, usually, I run. I can't bear to deal with them, and I certainly can't deal with the feelings that comes after. When you've been hurt. And you always get hurt.
I never let anyone in. It takes years of good behaviour to make me trust a person fully. Much because I've been let down. Hard. I've poured my heart out to people who only stomped it and threw it away. Such things hurt. And leave marks. So, in many many years I've never let myself feel anything for anyone, I've run when I couldn't ignore the feelings anymore. I've run so awfully much, in such an awful long time, and I'm so awfully tired.
So, this time, I shave sworn to myself to stay put, to not run from them. The feelings that make me want him to hold me. The feelings that, when he looks at me in a certain way, are so overwhelming that it takes all of my self-restraint to not move over and kiss him full on the mouth. The feelings that makes me pee myself out of fear.
I really don't know what to do. People tell me loving someone is the greatest thing in life, but I know how you feel when you get hurt, and I know running is easy and it spares your feelings, and... And I'm babbling. I always do when I'm scared. And I'm so awfully scared right now.
How the fuck can you be scared of love? I truly must be an idiot.
-S
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I found this on Le Love as well. Such an awesome and sincere blog. From all over the world really. And awesome pics included. But seriously... think about these words for a second. Do you do the same thing? I do. Sort of. And I am a master at hiding what I really feel. Nobody really knows me in that sense. And once someone starts breaking down my walls and seeing through my pretenses, I want to run as well. It's scary!! But for once it feels like I'm the verge of speaking VERY truthfully when I say I'M IN LOVE. I really am. And I don't WANT to run anymore. I just want to run to him. That's good right?
CAN you bloody believe it?! The wheel DOES turn. I hope you know the saying, otherwise that statement would make NO sense to you. They saying goes that 'Whatever goes around comes around.' And 'What you give is what you get.' As well as 'Do unto others what you want done to yourself.' Oh and another one ... 'What you do to others will come back to you 3 X 3.'
Scary to think about it that way huh? Scary to think that what you give out is what you're going to get back. Whether you like it or not. Scary to think that there are so many people out there with so much negativity in their hearts, with so much hatred and so many issues. Best is... they are surprised when things don't go well for them. WTF?! People like that, in my opinion, have NO common sense. And that's just bloody amazing right there on its own. I mean . . . ? !
Okay, I'm not going into that debate right now. Nor do I have the time.
Have you ever watched The Secret? Well I'm going to be honest here and tell you that I was VERY skeptical over The Secret and all they claim it is. I watched the DVD, I didn't read the book. I just thought to myself 'Well yes, it's a lovely thought and all, but that's just not how it works. That's just not how it turns out.' And can you believe it?! I was wrong. Yes. I admit it. I was wrong. So sue me. =D I'm not here to promote The Secret or speak of any prophecy of any sort. I'm just putting this into perspective. (And maybe if you watch it and think the same thing I was thinking and then later in life you realize but you were as wrong as I was you think back on my wise words as well...)
As you might have realized... I went through a tough time after the break up with Glitch, the Ex (If you're behind on my extremely interestingover-rated mundane life, well then, look it up) ... It's not as if Glitch was the most wonderful boyfriend or I loved him the most or anything like that (We dated for 9 months, get real.) I think I had just had enough. After years and years (seriously!) of not being single any longer than a month, I was just finished. I couldn't take it anymore. I had two blissful weeks after the break-up STILL spent in his arms and talking to him and spending time with him. AKA I had two weeks of blissful denial that we were DONE.
Note to self (Maybe you* ought to copy this one) ~ NEVER DO THAT AGAIN. IT'S A VERY BAD IDEA. ~
After my pathetic denial of the inevitable I found myself - Alone. FAN-FCUKIN-TASTIC. Yes, I cried a bit. Yes, I spent time alone. Yes, I felt sorry for myself. Yes, I missed him. Oh... how I missed him! But did I miss HIM or just the thought of him?? That's what got me thinking I guess... and that train of thought just had no brakes, I'm telling ya! =D
Well I'm not one for self-pity or locking myself up from the world, so I went out and made myself heard. Also my reason for not blogging. I don't get a moment for myself!! (Not that I'm complaining...) I have awesome friends who love me for me and care for and stand by me. I have friends whoneed me. I have friends who look up to me. I have friends I look up to and very much need in my life. My pillars of strength. I have old friends, new friends, funky friends and weird friends. I have friends who expect me to get the party started! Wait. What?! Yes. Me.
Side Note: I never used to be this person. =D
Strange to think about actually. I don't know how this happened. (I'm rambling again. Deal with it.) One minute I'm a friend. Now I'm the friend. Not to blow my own horn or anything. I LOVE what I do. I love being the one who's shoulder you can cry on. I love being the friend you run to for comfort, protection and advice. I love being there for my girls. I love knowing that they are there for me. I love how well we know each other and that we can put up with each others sh!ts and giggles all the way! I love showing them how wonderful the world is and how spontaneous and random we can be together. And it's ALWAYS fun!! I turned to them. Now they are turning to me. And I love it. It gives me meaning. And I needed that for so long. I felt like a lost fart. Not anymore though...
(By the way I've probably been working on this post for 2 weeks now. I can't get to finishing it. And I can't get to the point. I give up.)
Clearly, I was bitter. I found this on my laptop. Hidden. You have to understand something here... I don't have a dad. Never have. Never will. Don't give a sh!t anymore. Yes. Anymore. I DID give a sh!t at one point. It's normal. It blew over. (After some counselling. Admittedly. But it's over nonetheless.) I was angry. I was going through a lot of sh!t at that point in time. And I lashed out at the non-existent dad. HAHA!! Yeah... I'm awesome like that. But anyway, that's a whole different post right there. Enjoy. I think. =D
Dear dad, why'd you do it? Dear Dad, why'd you go? Why'd you have to go and leave us? Why'd you never let me know? You never wanted to know me, you didn't want me to exist. You let my mom go, you dropped us like an old rag. Don't you love us? Did you ever? No, you're useless! You're a fraud! You're just a load of shit sent to give me life! No way, you screwed it up dad! My life is anyway a mess! I hope you burn in HELL, Dear Dad!!
WARNING - HUGE ASS POST THAT HAS NO SIGNIFICANCE WHATSOEVER.
YOU'VE BEEN WARNED...
ENJOY...
Yeah go ahead and laugh. I did too. I thought these would be funny. I came across this site and thought 'Hey why the hell not... I'm bored...' So there you go! LMAO!!
*Click to enlarge and read*
Phychic huh? Not the first time I've heard that about myself...
You are going to die by having a heart attack during sex. This is probably because it fills up so much of your time now that if you died doing anything else, it would be going against the odds.
You are psychic. You are above average when it comes to perceiving the future. You are very observant and clever, with a good amount of common sense. It is very easy for you to predict things and be correct.
Smugness is your biggest pet peeve. What with all their thinking they’re so good. They are so self-absorbed, they won’t acknowledge anyone but themselves. Arg.
Totally True. I cannot stand them. Nobody is better than anybody else.
You like to go sexy/scary at Halloween. You love horror movies and the ideals of Halloween (and all of the candy doesn’t hurt either). You are very laid back and love to chill with your friends watching scary movies on Halloween.
Okay Okay Halloween passed me by I know... but we don't celebrate Halloween here in SA really. So yeah... was just curious... Yummy!
Having a high focus on fun indicates that you value your own enjoyment over anything else. And there is nothing wrong with that. Your motto is we're here for a good time - not a long time.
I have to admit... that might just be partially true.
Kindness is most important in a boyfriend/girlfriend. You want someone who will go through everything with you - the best moments and the worst, and all of those other moments in between. You love to be able to say anything to your partner, and have them say anything to you. You are able to be extremely close with your partner for that reason.
Your life mostly resembles Pretty in Pink. You have some financial difficulties, but because of them you are more creative. You are prone to having a sidekick who follows you everywhere because you are so cool.
You don't really fit into any highschool stereotype: you're pretty much normal. Hovering somewhere in the middle between non-conformity and conformity, you're your own person ... within the group.
You are shockingly normal... and since normal doesn't really exist, that is kinda scary. In fact, you are scarier than the most abnormal person. Go you!
You are a likeable person. You are fiercely loyal to your friends and you have a lot of them. You have may have a few enemies but it is only because they don't really know the real you.
You're a little high-maintenance, but not that much. You like being pampered, but that doesn't mean you're afraid of hard work - you can get the job done, if need be.
You have the best social skills. You love meeting new people and get along with practically anybody. You have tons of friends and are constantly making more. You rule.
You are very sensitive and sympathetic to the feelings of others. You are friendly and fun to be with, but you are easily hurt by others. You are a homebody sometimes and enjoy just chilling with friends.
Okay Okay I'll stop now. You've probably stopped reading anyway. Shows you my boredom and inability to do anything but copy and paste today. I have so much to do and NO intention of doing it today. Work included. Although... I'm heading to Muaythai again today, it's awesome btw! Have to get over my laziness though...
(Late Post. I know. Get over it.)
