Dec 10, 2009

Mr Condescending Deleted This Post off his Blog but I Love It! =D

A cat named Wilbur went to the store. Why did he go to the store? To get some milk, obviously. Wilbur loves milk, and he goes from store to store to find the best milk but he can't tell the store owners about it since he can't speak. Everyone in town loves Wilbur, with his all black fur, little fuzzy patch of white on his right eye and his three missing whiskers. Every time he walks when his left leg touches the ground, the white eye winks. He's as charming as he is curious.

"Forty thousand chickens perish in barn fire" is the headline of today's newspaper, which Wilbur notices as he scoots through the door under the gait of a trolling fat man.

Normally this wouldn't bother him so much, but lately all the milk has been tasting the same, and not up to par. Something shifty has to be going on, and this barn fire isn't the first one either. As he races out the door and winks his way through the maze of trailers, he tirelessly leaps over old tires, rusty tools, and propane tanks with Velveeta fingerprints on
them, leaving his trademark paw prints over every Dodge Neon and Ford pickup in his way. He's got a hunch but needs to do some napping before figuring this out.

Wilbur is a milk taster and connoisseur, he might live in a trailer and not have many possessions but he knows when the mi
lk isn't right. The only other cat in town with a rival palate is Sebastian, but he lives in a drafty barn and has shoddy social skills. You'd lack social skills too if you're wiener was neutered. Sebastian never quite got over the time that he took Mindy out for a nice mouse dinner behind the gypsy tent at the carnival, only to forget the milk. Once the night fell and her stomach was full, Mindy whispered to Sebastian that the night belonged to lovers, and her heart belonged to Wilbur. Plus she was thirsty and in heat, which Sebastian could never fulfill.

Wilbur loved Mindy, she had bright green eyes
and a fat ass, but he never could stop her from hanging around the funny sounding restaurant with the pictures instead of words on it. She's been gone for nearly a year now.

All napped up and ready to venture out, Wilbur wondered whether the soft rain showering off the aluminum trailer roof will dampen his night. Tonight he has a date with Felicia, the foxy feline from the yellow house down the way. Wilbur waits outside the window but doesn't see her se
xy silhouette as planned. His tail curls in tight, and his piercing calls turn to warbled howls. His ears rest downward, matted by the drifting wind and the heavy rain. You'd swear there was a funeral being held that night in the backyard of that yellow house, by the sound of his melancholy howl. An hour later he can't resist stopping by Sebastian's Barn, where he hears the familiar purr of a female minx, along with the scent of fresh creamy milk. He doesn't need to peek through the walls to see... he knows the scent of the calico dame inside. Sebastian can have Foxy Felicia, but Wilbur misses his milk and he misses his Mindy. If only she wasn't gobbled up by the Chinese buffet.

His only companion tonight is the moon, just one grassy field away.


Mr. Condescending said...

Aw, I didn't think anyone would like it!

kys said...

Poor Mindy. Thank goodness I didn't go to Super China Buffet like I normally do on Mondays.

Daffy said...

I had a great comment and then I read Kys and it just totally sucked the funny right out of me. I bow to the superior comment....

Maryx said...

Mr C - WTF?! I loved it! =D

Kys - HAHA!! Great story right?

Daffy - ?! heehee *Bow together then*