Nov 10, 2010


The past affected me in more ways than I realized. I have insecurities and fears born from things that happened. Unnecessary things. Random things. I have this new found happiness with Gerhard because I finally found it in me to let go of the things of the past. To forgive. But now... there are suddenly new things that I haven't thought of in so long, that really, really bothers me. I know I have to get over it. I know it's nothing to worry about. But I can't help feeling the way I do.

I thought my friend and I shared a very honest friendship, where I can tell her how I feel and she won't overreact like everyone else. But she did. I'm shocked and hurt. I'm sure she is too. I asked her not to contact Gerhard again, because I don't want repeats from the past. I don't want it from her or any of my other friends. It's not just aimed at her, I just thought I could tell her openly and honestly and she wouldn't flip, like everyone else. But she did. I'm not sure I understand. I'm not sure how to react.

I told her I'm not mad at her. I said Thank You for making the effort of talking to Gerhard and making peace with him. I told her how much I appreciate what she did. I just didn't like... all of it. The big picture. I don't like things happening behind my back like that. That was our downfall. I really don't want a repeat of that. I wasn't being mean or mad by telling her how I feel, I just thought I should talk before I bottle it up again. Like I have before.

Maybe I should just learn to keep things to myself more often...

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