I feel like this today. I just want to curl up into a little ball and wish it all away. I want to go to my happy place... but my happy place is the same thing I'm running away from today. (Except for the ocean of course). Am I making any sense? I didn't think so...
My heart is breaking for the second time this year, because of the same person. I can't believe I let this happen. I can't believe I was stupid enough to let myself go. Even though I knew, and still know, that it's exactly what I want. I know how he makes me feel and how he claims that I make him feel. I know what I want and I'm so glad that I finally came to realize it. But now... I want to turn around and run away. I realize how much it will hurt me, I realize how much I will cry and break, all over again. But honestly... I want to run. I want to get away from it all. (I want to run to him. But it won't help.)
He wants time. He wants us to get to know each other. He's not ready for a relationship. He doesn't want a relationship. But he wants sex, of course. He wants time spent together. He wants loving words and anecdotes. He wants affection and love.
I don't know how to allow myself all of that without, which I've already done unfortunately, falling for him really, really hard. And guess what - he wasn't there to catch me. He didn't even know I was falling, so he says. He didn't even know what he did to me. He's scared...
Scared of what?! He's the one who broke my heart! He's the one who left me for better tidings! He's the one who couldn't commit to me! I should be the scared one!! And I've been scared... for so long after all that happened. I've been confused, terrified and lost. All because of him. Well, mostly because of him. But now... I've let myself go. I've let myself give in to what my heart wants. And he let me. He encouraged me. WHY?!
It was a bad idea, clearly.
1 comment:
hope u feel better soon n come in terms with your mind... as u already know.. this too shall pass...
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