Happiness

My best friend knows me better than I know myself sometimes…

It’s scary. Freaky. Weird. And great! She’s my Person and I love her. I don’t know where I’d be without her…

She phoned me on Friday to quite calmly tell me that she knows exactly why I’ve been feeling so annoyed, irritated, out-of-my-skin and distant lately. Like I can’t seem to decide what I feel, but she knows. I couldn’t believe it. How could she know? But yes, after she had to lay it out in front of my stupid self, I slowly realized how right she was. How well she knows me…

She doesn’t like Gerhard. He’s the reason why our friendship almost didn’t make it. We didn’t speak to each other for months because of him. Not to mention how angry she is about what he did to me etc, all my friends are. I doubt he’s in any good books. Strange thing is, she’s okay with him in my life. She asked me how long I’ve been feeling this way and mentioned a certain weekend on the farm with a certain someone. She was right, of course. I just couldn’t quite figure out why, specifically.

I thought I could close the book. I thought it’s the right thing to do. I was listening to the opinions of other people, not my own. I was listening to what other people want for me and how they think I should be living my life and how I should be doing things. He was like a dirty little secret. But now… it’s changed. He’s my reason. I’m still in love with him. I still love him. I never stopped. And I actually needed a friend to tell me that?! I knew that. I just didn’t want to admit it anyone, or to myself. That was like admitting defeat, admitting weakness, admitting emotion. I couldn’t allow myself because I was so scared. Since him, I’ve been looking for perfection in a guy. Where I should be noticing/looking for the perfect guy for me. I’ve already found him, I just let him go because he made a mistake…

Guys make mistakes. They screw up. Everyone does, sooner or later. Forgive. Forget. Work through it. Those are my friends’ words. Wise words, I might add. Easier said than done… but so is love. And so my dear friend wants me to go for it. She wants me to put the past where it belongs and try again. She wants me to be happy. Makes me think…

Who would’ve thought that my dear friend would end up being an example for me? An example of a good relationship. An example of patience, love and understanding. Amazing. And so the wheel turns!

Thank you my friend, you’ve opened my eyes to happiness. In more ways than one.

I’m not sure where my emotions are running to now, I just know it’s a good place. It’s a happy place. I can feel it in my bones and the strange smile I can’t wipe from my face most of the time. I can feel it in the air… =D