I want to write. I want to talk. I want to create things and I want to do things. I want to mean something. I want to grow. I want to learn. I want to prove... that I am more. More than thins.
Where do I begin?
Where do I start building a life? Where do I start studying and how do I know I can make it? How do I know what's the right path for me? Do I stay or do I go? Do I risk it all? Do I take life changing chances, and if I do, what if it backfires on me? Do I go for the love I want, now? Or do I wait? Do I back off and hope and pray for something better? Is there anything better, and will I want it, even see it, when it stares me in the face? Or do I turn around and be thankful for what I have, might have, could have... with him? Do I make the most of it, do I give it my all... again? What if it doesn't work out? And if it doesn't, will I survive it one more time? What if it does...?
The inevitable "What if...?"
I hate it. I can't stand it. But it's there. Everything I know, everything I read, implores me to go for it, to take chances, to dive right in and give it my all. Then why is it so much easier to read it, want it and dream it, than it is to actually do it? Am I just overthinking things? 'Cause I actually think I am. It's like I see boundaries everywhere. Mostly put there by society, by friends and by family. What will it take to break through?