I wanna tell you what’s been happening in my life. I wanna listen to you tell me what’s happening in yours. I wanna share things with you. I wanna laugh at your silliness. I want to hear you laughing at mine. I wanna tell you that sometimes, I just can’t stop thinking about you. I wanna tell you that sometimes, I wish you were right here with me. I wanna tell you that sometimes, I wish I could wake up and have you next to me. I wanna tell you that sometimes, I miss you more than I want to admit, even to myself.
I wonder, of course, if this is only because I’m alone. You were my comfort zone. You knew me. In ways... well in ways no one else did. I wanted it to last. I wanted us to get better. I wanted us to be fixed. It was harder than I ever thought possible. I wonder if I miss you, or just the idea of you. I wonder if I miss you, or just the way it used to be.
I can’t go back to you. I have to physically restrain myself not to call you or send you a message or a mail. Because I want to. So badly, sometimes. It’s hard, controlling myself, sometimes. But I know I’m strong. I know I can do it. I wish you could realize that about yourself. I wish that for you, every day.
I want you to be happy. I want you to find love. I want you to have a better relationship with God, because as much as you talk, I don’t think you really believe. I don’t think you’ve given your life and everything you have over to Him. Look at me talking... I haven’t, either. But I’m working on it. As much as I can. And I’m taking it day by day.
Take Care of yourself Gerhard. If not for yourself, then for me. Learn to be alone, but not lonely. Learn to love yourself, because there is so much to love! Learn to be by yourself and learn to be okay with that.
PS – I do love you. I never stopped.