Thought Question #168

I am looking forward to moving into my own little place.  I am looking forward to spending time with the one I love.  I am looking forward to creating things and designing things in the future.  I am looking forward to sleeping.  I am looking forward to next time I go to the ocean.  I am looking forward decorating my own little place someday and inviting people over and entertaining people.  I am looking forward to making my home a comfort zone for all my friends and family.  I look forward to studying.  I looking forward to learning new things.  I look forward to getting a new and better job.  I look forward to spending time outdoors once it gets warmer.

I think I have a million things to look forward to.  I'll make you crazy writing them all down.

Share some with me?

Thought Question #167

My future, especially.  The people I’ve lost.  The times in my life I want to have over, like my childhood.  The past, sometimes.

What about you?



Thought Question #166

It’s not as much a ‘who’ as it is a ‘what’, I think.  I don’t remember much of my dreams.  And when there are people involved, it always varies.

What about you?



I want a room like this... (I'm sure I've said it before)

Thought Question #165

If I knew it was the last day?  No.  I’d go and spend as much time as possible with the people I love.  And I would do my very best to spend it by the ocean, too.

What would you do?

 

Thought Question #164

I need to figure out what I’m going to study and what I’m going to actually do with my life.  Because it clearly seems like I’m not going the route my dreams would want me to go.  I guess it just takes a lot to get to where I wanna be.  One step at a time, right?  Like my Grandfather always said – How do you eat an Elephant?  Piece by Piece.

What’s your next BIG STEP?

Thought Question #163

I am trying to learn more about what I love and what makes me happy. I am trying to make plans to reach my dreams and my goals. I am trying… really hard. But it seems as if I’m getting nowhere, most of the time…

Urgh.

What are you doing for your dreams?

Thought Question #162

I think… both. Some things I have to see to believe, like people’s promises or actions. Other things, like my faith and religion, is not exactly something I can see, to make me believe it. It’s all in the heart I guess. Somewhat complicated and not an argument I want to get into, but interesting nonetheless. It took me some time to get to where I am today, in my faith, and I’m definitely not where I should be or want to be. I have a long way to go still. I still have days that I wonder. I still have days that I doubt things, important things, small things, big things, that are connected to God and his ways. It’s somewhat of a sensitive matter sometimes, but I’m getting through it. At the very least, I’m trying, and I’m learning.

What do you think?

Tired...

Too many Questions...

I want to write. I want to talk. I want to create things and I want to do things. I want to mean something. I want to grow. I want to learn. I want to prove... that I am more. More than thins.

Where do I begin?

Where do I start building a life? Where do I start studying and how do I know I can make it? How do I know what's the right path for me? Do I stay or do I go? Do I risk it all? Do I take life changing chances, and if I do, what if it backfires on me? Do I go for the love I want, now? Or do I wait? Do I back off and hope and pray for something better? Is there anything better, and will I want it, even see it, when it stares me in the face? Or do I turn around and be thankful for what I have, might have, could have... with him? Do I make the most of it, do I give it my all... again? What if it doesn't work out? And if it doesn't, will I survive it one more time? What if it does...?

The inevitable "What if...?"

I hate it. I can't stand it. But it's there. Everything I know, everything I read, implores me to go for it, to take chances, to dive right in and give it my all. Then why is it so much easier to read it, want it and dream it, than it is to actually do it? Am I just overthinking things? 'Cause I actually think I am. It's like I see boundaries everywhere. Mostly put there by society, by friends and by family. What will it take to break through?

Being Twenty-Something (They call it the Quarter-Life Crisis)

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that
there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not
like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or
two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those
friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the
greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch
with are some of the most important ones.

What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't
really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as
you.

You look at your job ... and it is not even close to what you thought
you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing
that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger.

You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual
because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your
life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable
and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone
and scared and confused.

Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with
dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and
further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move
forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such
damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone
decent enough that you want to get to know better.

Or maybe you love someone but they love someone else too and cannot
figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad
person.  One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap.

Getting wasted and acting like an idiot doesn't seem as fun.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk
with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make
a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for
yourself...
and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to
be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it.

We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we
can to figure this whole thing out.

Pass this to your twenty-something friends... maybe it will help someone
feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that take our breath away."

It's really amazing when two strangers become the best of friends, but
it is really sad when the best of friends become two strangers.

Love from another twenty-something!!

Ironic, isn't it?

The Real Me...

Finally, yes. A picture of my amazing Mom and Me. I don't think I've ever really posted pics of myself on my blog, so this is all new to me. Some of you already know me. Some of you know me, but don't know how I look. Well then... now it's out there. What do you think?

(I'm the one in the blue, if it's not obvious anough)

Thought Question #161

I would say I have a skill for dealing with people in a personal manner. I have a skill for being a friend and a good listener. Or at least I hope so. I also have a skill for arts and crafts and drawing. So they say. I think we all have skills, amazing skills and hidden skills, skills we don't even recognize as anything special.

What skills do you have?

Thought Question #160

Fear of failure has stopped me from going after my dreams, aggressively. Fear of rejection and repeated heartache has stopped me from going for what, and who, I love. Fear of judgement has stopped me from sharing things with people I love. There are a lot of fear that has stopped me from doing all kinds of different things. I hope to expell those fears. I hope to work on making it better. Getting over it. One way or another. It's possible, right?

What about you?

Thought Question #159

Someone needy? Someone less fortunate? Well, I've given clothes to our Winter Warmer project at church to hand out to people who need it more. We have been collecting warm clothes, blankets, socks, scarfs and even bibles to hand out where necessary.

Other than that... I have helped friends, I guess, emotionally. Or so they've said. I'm happy when I can help. It's really fulfilling. I wish I could do more...

What about you?

Thought Question #158

Not at all... Will this time in my life matter in five years? Probably.

Will your day matter?

Thought Question #157

I wanted to be an artist. And I still do. In one way or another...

Please share with me, dear readers, what did YOU want to be?

Hey You

And really, truly mean it. In all ways possible.

Can you do that?

Thought Question #156

The first thing I think of is happiness and peace of mind...

What do you think of?

Thought Question #155

I think there are a lot of things I could think of, but as I've said before, I think your past and the events and people in your life are what shape you, in the end.  I don't think I would erase much of anything, really.  Except maybe the few times I got drunk or did some really stupid things!  =)

Would you?

Thought Question #154

With my friends and my family.  The other parts of it I spend alone, doing things I love.  Like my arts and crafts, my drawings, watching movies and series, cuddling with my cat and sleeping.

What do you do?

Thought Question #153

Silence, to me, can convey sadness, disappointment, secret love and pain.  Silence can convey a lot of different things in different situations.  I have been staying silent about certain situations in my life for a long time now, in the hopes that it might make me the better person.  I don't know if that sounds selfish or something but the way I see it is that when people say horrible and mean things to me, I have the choice to respond in the same way they attacked me, allowing them to pull me down to their level, or to keep quiet and not say anything, maybe even pray for them (I didn't think those words would be coming out of my mouth).

I choose the latter.  I don't have the need to hurt people the way they have hurt me.  I'm so shocked and disappointed by so many people, it's ridiculous.  Sometimes I wish I didn't trust people as much.  Sometimes I wish I could just have a delete button and delete those people, those feelings and those memories.  But hey, everything teaches us, right?  Everything happens for a reason.  Of that I'm sure, even if I'm not always sure what those reasons could be.

What do you think?

Thought Question #152

I guess it depends on how big the backpack is.  =)  I guess I would say my laptop.  My phone.  My pencils and papers.  My red jersey.  My cat.

What about you?

My Little Books

I have these little books that I write things in.  Quotes.  Things to remember.  Motivational Pieces.  I like to keep at least one of these little books with me at all times.  They help me.  It's my own silly little thing to do to motivate myself.  It helps me to stay positive.  It helps me to think more clearly about decisions in my life.  It helps me not to make rash decisions and it helps me to calm down about drama in my life.  And you know what?  It really works.  For me, at least.

Another thing that helps, I found out, is my religion.  I'm building on it.

I wish I could share it with other people.  I want to.  I have before, but they just brushed it off it seemed.  I guess what works for me doesn't always work for someone else.

What do you do to keep yourself positive and helps you through hard times?

Future? What future?

I worry about my future almost constantly. Why do you think I have so many distractions? It's almost ridiculous. I want to study, but I don't know what. I'm so unsure about it that it scares me. I can kick my own arse that I haven't started yet. I regret not being able to study full-time, it makes it really hard for me. I have a lot of trouble taking the money from my family for studying, because I'm so scared I disappoint them. I'm so scared that I don't make it, that I don't make them proud. I'm scared that I'll waste their money, again. The pressure scares. Making major decisions like that scares me. I know I should be making them myself. I know I should be able to know what I want to do with me... and I thought I did. But I'm so confused and unsure. I think it's because I'm listening to other people and not to my heart. To myself. What I want and see for myself... I've written about it before, I've talked about and I've had fights about it. Maybe it's just not in the cards for me? Or maybe just not now, or anytime soon. There is just so much I want to do and so much I want to learn that I don't know where to start. It's rather overwhelming. And I hate the pressure and the stress. I'm not ready. And I'm at a loss. Lost. I wish they could realize that, 'cause I'm so tired of talking and hoping. And being disappointed.

Making Mistakes

Believing