Ramblings of Someone you don't know...

I wish I could tell you that I'm doing fantastic.  That life is a song and I'm singing it with my whole heart.  I wish I could tell you that everything is just bloody peachy.  But no, not quite.  It's not like I'm unhappy and down in the dumps or anything, that doesn't happen too often with me.  If it does happen it hits hard, but still.  No, I'm actually doing good.  Even though it feels like I'm living in a bit of a limbo state, too.  Guess it's because my life is standing still in a way.  Work is quiet.  Friendships are stagnant.  Relationships are non-existent.  Social is pretty much useless.  It feels like I'm living in a fantasy worlf of series upon series.  And I don't even care.  I know nobody can change it but me, but I'm just not sure I want to try.  To get what exactly?  More hurt.  More rejection.  More shit!

Okay, yes.  I'm a little bit negative.  And yes, I'll get over it.  I'm just so tired of it all.  I'm tired of people expecting things from me that I really cannot give them.  Or don't want to give them.  Pressuring me into crap.  My reaction is usually to pull away from these people.  Distance myself.  And for good reason, I think.  I'm actually very, brutally honest.  Once you actually listen to me.  When you make time to actually get to know me.  No one has really done that in a while.  And it's as if, when there's no drama in my life, nobody really bothers.  Like I'm not really exciting enough.  I don't have the best jokes, the nicest clothes or the most interesting stories.  And I don't even care about any of that, but it's like people want me to care about it all.

I'm talking in circles.  I know.

I don't really know how to make sense of the frustration of it all.