Tangled : Person In My Closet

As you may have guessed... I love all things Tangled.  =)

Tangled : Mother Knows Best

Tangled - When Will My Life Begin

Thought Question #88

I have a big fear that I will never be good enough for anybody.  Because I was never good enough for him.  I have this fear that I will/have hurt the people I love.  I have this fear that I will never find someone that's right for me.  I have this fear that I will never have children.  I have a fear of drunk guys.  I have a fear of failing.  I have a fear of speaking my mind, and someone not understanding.  I have a fear of being controlled, and letting it happen.  I have a fear of falling for someone who doesn't feel the same way.  I have a fear of asking questions trying to understand, and someone fighting with me about it.  I have so many fears, so many small things that keep me from happiness.  As I've said previously... it's just me.  It's my fault and I realize that.  I put up defense mechanisms to 'protect' me.  I keep people away from me.  I don't always say how I feel.  Different people and different situations have instilled these various fears in me.  I can probably name most of them by heart, if you asked me.

I have built prisons for myself, as scary as it is.  We all do it, at some point.  We don't ask for help.  We don't talk.  We don't share.  We don't think we deserve the good things.  We don't think we're good enough.  I don't.  And sometimes, most of the time, it's really, really hard to get past that, and let go.  To be myself.  To be positive.  To open up.  I'm so scared that opening up will hurt me, but at the same time, my soul is screaming at me to let go, to open up, to let it in.  I'm so careful.  But why am I forcing myself to hold back, to be careful, when all I really wanna do is jump right in and let it happen to me?  See where things go?  Just go with it?!

It's a hard pill to swallow...

What prisons have you built?

Thought Question #87

I'd like to think I do.  Literally, I really do!  I do a little happy dance in my car when I get green light after green light after green light.  Or when I drive up to a red light and it turns green just in time.  Red lights - I don't always like.  Who does?  But also... I'd like to think I celebrate and appreciate  the small things, but I don't.  Always.  People forget.  I do too.

What about you?

Thought Question #86

You have to love them enough to realize when they are better off without you.  Or when you are better of without them.  No matter how much you love a person, sometimes it's just not meant to be.

Love is... putting someone elses happiness before your own.  Right?

Thought Question #85

Honesty.

Reliability.

Strength.

Wisdom.

Sexuality.

This one is rather debatable.  Especially from person to person.  Personal values consider the things you hold dear to you.  The things you want from someone and value from yourself.  Am I right?

Me? Stylish?

My dear friend Ella Unread passed me the Stylish Blogger Award... She thinks I'm stylish?  Nicely done, Maryx.  Haha!  I'm supposed to share 7 reasons I'm stylish.  Say what?!

• (Ella says...) I have a fairy-like face - oh so stylish! =)
• My blog design rocks!  (Well, I love it)
• I got a pretty nice compliment the other day - that I look a lot more mature because I'm a lot more stylish and classy than most of the girls my age.  How sweet.
• My cat has a metallic black collar with pictures on it.  For the cat mafia boss of the area - I'd say he's stylish! (Sorry Ella!)
• My 8 year old niece and I dress up to go to the movies and out for pizza together - that's hot!
• You won't catch me with shoes on at home and you probably won't see me sleeping in fancy nighties or lingerie.  Ever.  I'd prob go naked first.  Stylish much?  Hahahahaha!
• I blog.  That's stylish enough as it is.  The End.

Thanks for sharing Ella!  I had fun thinking up crap to prove I'm far from stylish, yet trying! =)

Seeing as I can't send it back to Ella, I'm going to pop it over to some odd favorite Bloggers of mine:

• You. Me. No Adult Supervision... Sally-Sal write the most amazing things.  I can't get enough.  And I speak for a lot of people.  She's for sure stylish in more ways than one.  (Not to mention her hot profile picture!)
• Vivre, Rire, Aimer... Jordan delights me with her short posts of love and hope, and I adore her simple blog header!
• Amy Goes On About... Amy Walsh is a blogger I recent came across, and I love her rantings!  Plus if you check the pics of her - stylish lady for sure!
• Hearts and Truths... Michael definitely deserves this award, even though I'm pretty sure he won't post it on his blog.  Not necessary!  His posts, on all 3 his blogs, inspires me daily.  His friendship, from faraway, is something I, and so many others are very, very grateful for.  Thank you M!

Thought Question #84

Urm... Food?  Friends and family?  Hope?  Dreams?

Yeah... I'd say so.

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover

Gerhard emailed me this song.  And what a song it is.

The words stung a little, but not even close to how I thought it would...

I hope you are doing well Gerhard, wherever you are.  I hope you find your true love someday.  I hope you get the chance to work on bettering yourself.  I hope you find out how to make yourself and someone else happy.  Completely.  I don't hate you.  I never have.  I'm not angry with you, although I guess I should be.  I'm okay.  Without you.  I don't hurt as much anymore.  I don't fuss over things regarding you, and us, anymore.  It gets better every day, and I'm so thankful for that.

I still miss you.  I think I always will.  I still think about you, that won't change soon either I guess.  And that's okay.  I've made my peace with that.  You meant a lot to me and you were a large part of my life and my heart.  I'm sorry I sent you those emails.  I know it didn't say much, but those emails had emotion.  A lot of emotion.  And that was wrong of me.  I don't know what I was thinking...  I wasn't thinking.  I was feeling.  I was hurting and wondering.  It still happens.  Unfortunately.  So many things make me think of you.  What we had.  What we've been through.  How it all came to an end.  But I'm more alright with it now than I've ever been.  Almost relieved.

Gerhard, know that you are loved.  Always.  Know that someone out there cares for you with their whole heart and soul.  Know that you will always have a safe haven to go to, when you have nowhere else to go.  Know that I am here.  Always.

And take care of yourself...

Thought Question #83

I see my dreams...  I see the future I want... I see flashes of images - things in my life.  People in my life.  I can't pinpoint what I see when I close my eyes.  It's different all the time.  Sometimes it's colorful.  Sometimes it's art.  Sometimes it's dark and scary.  Sometimes it's beautiful, wonderful, insane!

What do you see?

Thought Question #82

Cannot or really, really don't want to?

I cannot live without food, water and my comfy bed.  I cannot live without love, friendship and dreams.  I really, really don't want to live without my cat, my family and my friends.  I really, really don't want to live without my mom.  I really, really don't want to live without my art.  I don't want to have to live without any of these things... but will we ever know what the future holds?  What we'll have to put up with and go through?

What do YOU have that you cannot live without?

Thought Question #81

I haven't come across something like this before.  Directly at least.  Indirectly yes.  But I would say I do and I will try and keep my head held high and not let them get to me.  Or get myself out of the situation that person is putting me in or sharing with me.

Hello Butterflies... Welcome Back

I met him over 8 years ago.  We went to school together.  He was the cute blonde guy in school.  Not popular.  Not an outcast.  Just there, like me.  He left his then-girlfriend to pursue me.  We started hanging out and soon spent a lot of time together.  Memories were made.  Chemistry was shaped.  Smiles and laughter was shared.

And then he moved.

We haven't spoken in about 8 years.  Until he found me on... yes you guessed it - Facebook.  We started commenting on each other's things.  I found that he was browsing my photo gallery.  He wanted to see me... when he came back.  He still lived 5 hours away, but is planning on moving back.  Soon.

Two nights ago he showed up at my front door.

Last night, he took me to see his family, who were asking about me.  Last night, he kissed me.  Again.  Last night, he told me that he felt the same way.

I don't know where this is going.  Where it might go or not.  I just really like this feeling.  These butterflies... it's like they're healing me from the inside.  It's like they are soothing me.  Giving me back my hope.  Giving me back my strength.

Wish me luck...

Thought Question #80

I don't think I can answer this one... I really, really cherish my old memories. But I really, really look forward to making new ones. In so many different ways.

What would you do?

Thought Question #79

I like to think I own my things... but how exactly do I know the difference? =) My room isn't too messy. I know where most of my things are. That's good, right?

Thought Question #78

I have gone into childhood memories with the Thought Questions. My happiest childhood memories include my grandfather, my grandmother, my mother, my aunt and my uncle. And they are precisely the reason it is so special.

I couldn't have asked for a better childhood. At least, I don't think so. And that's all that matters.

What is your happiest memory as a child?

Thought Question #77

There are many. Some that weren't even as much on purpose as quite by accident. Some stand out, like people helping me during the car accidents that I've had. People being really nice to me at unexpected moments. People making me laugh. People being there when I need them. Family showing me they care more than I thought they did. Realizing someone has actually been listening to you. Realizing someone cares for you more than you ever thought possible.

There are so many things. Small gestures. Surprises. Gentleness. Understanding. Small things... turned big.

Please share yours?

Thought Question #76

Truthfully? I imagine being happily married, raising my beautiful children and being in my dream career. Is that too much to ask?

What about you?

Thought Question #75

That's a bit confusing. But I would say the more important thing is loving what you do, but the thing we want the most is doing what we love.

Am I right? What do you think?

Thought Question #74

Travel-wise? I want to travel the world. There are so many places I want to see. So many things I want to experience. But one place in particular is Paris, France. I want to go there with my Mother. I want her to take me to the places they went as a family when she was a kid. I want her to show me around and take me to all the little shops and places, as well as to all the big places like the Louvre and the cathedrals and the castles. I want to see everything. I want to take it all in.

I want to go to Tuscany, Italy, and Rome. I want to go to Switzerland, Germany, and England. I want to go to America and Canada, and see all the sites and sounds.

I want to be able to do all of this... Someday.

Thought Question #73

I'd have to say my honesty and my sense of humor. Not everyone does, but I do, and that's what matters most, right? I like my eyes and hair too, physically.

What about you??

Thought Question #72

I can't think of an enemy that I have. I like to think I don't. But if I think about labeling someone an enemy of me, I think about people who have hurt me and the people I love, people who have raped, murdered or done something to destroy another person. Any person. I don't exactly know what is different, but there sure has to be something different. I don't know how a person's head needs to function for someone to be like that, do those things, hurt someone that much, in whatever way it may be. I can't be like that. I'll never be able to live with myself.

What do you think?

Thought Question #71

What a question!

To have humanity. To love and be loved. To give and receive. To co-exist. To help others and be helped. To dream. To live. To do the impossible everyday. To appreciate. To care.

There is so much to being human... what can you add?

Thought Question #70

I've tried, sure. We've all tried. There are a lot of things that you can control, I think. Like where you go in life, what school you decide to attend, if possible, in what field you want to work, if you want to go out tonight or not. But then there are things like emotions, that you cannot control. Things that other people do to you and for you, you cannot control, but that changes you. Completely. I'm sure we all wish we can control the course our lives take... but what would be the fun in that?! =)

What about you??

Thought Question #69

Yes, I think there is. Everyone's version of perfect in their significant other, differs. And that's a good thing. And then you get things like... A perfect flower. A perfect baby born. A perfect sunset. A perfect view. A perfect baked pie.

It's the small things, I think. There are so many perfect things in things world. Even YOU are perfect. Just the way you are. Even if you don't always believe it to be true.

I want tell you

I have so many words bottled up inside me, but it still hurts too much to try and make sense of it all. I want to tell you how Gerhard wrote me off, again, and how hurt and relieved I feel. I want to tell you how Nicolas wrote me off, again. I want to tell you of the fragile state my group of friends are in. I want to tell you how Nicolas' parents accused me of trying to kill him, as well as my own mother. I want to tell you how unhappy I am at work and how I haven't heard anything from the interview I went to almost 2 weeks ago, although they say I'm still a candidate. I want to tell you about the hectic weekend I had, first to a long-time friends' birthday party, then out dancing and drinking with my dear friend who lives on the farm who hasn't been out since the birth of her first child almost 3 years ago. I want to tell you about how I kissed 3 guys I didn't know the names of, under the influence, in one night. I want to tell you how I feel. I want to tell you how I got to know a Facebook friend of mine a lot better. I want to tell you about the younger guy I met. I want to tell you about the older guy that I've been secretly in love with for years, that I'm starting to actually talk to now (Never thought I'd have the guts). I want to tell you... anything and everything.

So please ask me...

Thoughtful Question #68

That I was a good person.  A good friend.  A good girlfriend, wife and lover.  A good daughter and granddaughter, niece and aunt.  A good... everything.  I want to be remembered, that's all.  I want to be loved even after death.  I want to have meant something.  Does everyone feel this way?

What would you want them to remember?

Thoughtful Question #67

How would we know what the good is, if we didn't know the ugly? 

Thoughtful Question #66

At the moment?  Not very much.  But I would definitely have to say my friends and family, and also - My passions and dreams.  I want to do so much.  I want to create.  I want to go places.  I want to help people.  I want to make people happy.  I want to make myself happy.  If you ask me this question in a couple of years (hopefully) I will answer it in the same way, but if I'm lucky enough I will be able to add my husband, the love of my life, and my children, to the answer.

What more 'meaning' could you want than that? =)

What gives YOUR life meaning?

Thoughtful Question #65

"Life goes on"

Thoughtful Question #64

What a strange... hard... question...

I know they say ignorance is bliss.  And I'm sure it is!  Because sometimes you shouldn't know everything.  But innocence?  That is just beautiful.  The innocence of a child especially...

Thoughtful Question #63

Does it have to be WHO? Because then I'd have to answer... Me. It's a really hard truth, but it's there. I believe that the only thing standing between you and happiness... is you. Just you. You can change or stay the same. Everything in life is a choice. There is always something you can do about it, no matter how small. Something to make it better for you. Something to make it easier, or make it go away. If you already have nothing, what do you have to lose?

Then again... the WHAT that is standing between myself and happiness - would probably be money. It's not nice to say, but it's also true. Thing is, there is always a means to end. I have to make money to make myself happy in the ways that I want. No one can do it for me.

What would your answer be?

SayingImages (Because I usually can't say how I feel)