Mega Ramblings!

Thought Question #312

2012-01-27T13:00:00.000+02:00

I'm not big on music. Yes, I'm weird like that. But I would have to say that it would be upbeat music, I gess. What do you listen to?

Thought Question #311

2012-01-27T04:00:00.000+02:00

My passion for all things beautiful and wonderful.

Thought Question #310

2012-01-26T21:00:00.000+02:00

I don't focus much on celebrities and the things they do or don't do. But I have to say that Catherine Zeta Jones strike me as admirable. I don't think I've ever seen or heard really bad things about her. She's classy, beautiful and respectable. She's got self-confidence and she's intelligent. I think there's pretty much a lot to be admired.

What do you think?

Thought Question #309

2012-01-26T12:00:00.000+02:00

Amazing. I don't even know if I have any better words. I loved my childhood, as I've written here before.

Thought Question #308

2012-01-26T08:00:00.000+02:00

The times I spent with Eunice and her children is very high up on the list, even though there are quite a few memories that make me smile. Like when I got the job at TWP. The fun times I spent with friends. The vacation we went on in December. And so many others...

Yours?

2012-01-25T18:30:00.000+02:00

Thought Question #307

2012-01-25T16:00:00.000+02:00

This relates a lot to my favourite sounds. I love the smell of rain. I love the smell of freshly cut grass. I love the smell of horses. I love the smell of the ocean. I love the smell of a (clean) baby. I love the smell of my cat. I love the smell of my bed, cuddling into my pillows. I love the smell of my grandmother and grandfather. I love the smell of my mother's perfume on our scarves. I love the smell of the beach. I love the smell of a library. I love the smell of a brand new book.

Put your feet up

2012-01-25T11:27:00.000+02:00

Thought Question #306

2012-01-25T10:30:00.000+02:00

I can't think of anything right now... Only the things that I've read recently. Which is sad.

Please share with me if you have??

Thought Question #305

2012-01-25T08:00:00.000+02:00

Understanding. Honesty. Views and/or things we have in common. I think it's very important to know what you are looking for in a friendship, just as much or maybe even more, than you want to know what you're looking for in a relationship. At the end of the day a friendship is also a relationship, the two of you get so close and you have to chip away at each others' flaws to find the really honest friendship on the inside.

What do you look for?

Thought Question #304

2012-01-24T14:00:00.000+02:00

The sound of the waves crashing on the shore. The sound of rain. The sound of the wind blowing through the long grass and leaves in the trees. The sound of a child laughing. The sound of a cat purring. The sound of a horses' hooves hitting the ground. The sound of a waterfall.

How am I supposed to specify my most favorite? Can you?

2012-01-24T11:24:00.000+02:00

2012-01-24T11:21:00.000+02:00

2012-01-24T11:15:00.000+02:00

Thought Question #303

2012-01-24T08:00:00.000+02:00

This is kind of a hard question to answer, for me. I guess I'll just have to repeat myself again and say that financial security would be my ultimate 'secure'.

What about you?

2012-01-24T07:04:00.000+02:00

Thought Question #302

2012-01-23T20:00:00.000+02:00

Get a new car. Be financially independent. Am I stuck on repeat? Hahahaha! Yeah, I thought as much.

2012-01-23T11:13:00.000+02:00

Thought Question #301

2012-01-23T09:00:00.000+02:00

Finding myself and finding my happiness. Being content and happy with myself. Accepting myself and my life. Realising that I have so much to be grateful for. Finding my religion. Starting my bootcamp. I don't know if I can call all of this "a moment", but it definitely was the most defining time in my life this past year. And I'm so glad I got to experience it. Now... I have to make sure I hold on to it.

Thought Question #300

2012-01-22T16:00:00.000+02:00

My Mother is my friend, my Mom and my greatest supporter.

Thought Question #299

2012-01-22T12:00:00.000+02:00

That I just might be turning into a hermit cat lady and I'm perfectly okay with that. Hahahaha!! Yes, I know it's strange, but since I've created my little arts & crafts room in our spare bedroom, I close myself up in there and forget the world while I'm busy watching movies and series and either creating arts & crafts or doing my pencil sketches. I do go out and I do see my friends, those that matter at least, but I find myself becoming agitated and annoyed when I don't get enough time to spend on the things that I love, on my own. I mean, anyone can join me of course! It would be so much fun, but I just don't have people in my life who are fascinated by the same stuff that I am. Unfortunately. Grietjie comes close though.

Anything you've learned about yourself?

2012-01-22T11:09:00.000+02:00

Thought Question #298

2012-01-22T09:00:00.000+02:00

I like the work I do. I like that we get lunch every day, and a variety at that. I like that we have good coffee at work. I like the team I work with. I like the manager I work for. I like the buildings we work in and I like the people I work with, all over the company. I like that I work flexible hours and that I get home a lot earlier than I used to. I like that I get to further my education, learn new things and grow as a person. I like that the very fact is important to the company.

I dislike that a lot of times I have to depend on other people for my work. I dislike that I have to wait for other people to be able to carry on with a lot of my work. I dislike that I cannot teach old dogs new tricks (ie. implement new procedures etc.).

I think I'm quite positive about my job. Finally. What about you?

Thought Question #297

2012-01-21T08:00:00.000+02:00

The Engineering world. I'm pretty new in the field of Engineering, where I'm just a Project Secretary, but I'm learning fast. It's just that when they start to talk about EPCM and Shaft Sinking stuff, not to mention the millions of other documents and specifications, I'm lost. I'll get there, eventually.

Thought Question #296

2012-01-20T15:30:00.000+02:00

Keeping myself happy and positive and gaining my own financial stability and independence. I will reach it though. It always seems impossible until it is done.

What is your biggest challenge at the moment?

2012-01-20T13:00:00.000+02:00

2012-01-20T09:30:00.000+02:00

2012-01-20T09:00:00.001+02:00

Thought Question #295

2012-01-20T09:00:00.000+02:00

Wow... I hardly watch any TV at all. I can honestly say that in the past month, I've watched a maximum of 2 hours TV. Yeah, I know it sounds absurd, but do remember that I have a laptop full of movies and series that I watch while I'm doing my arts and crafts or when I'm busy with pencil sketches. Does that count as TV?

Thought Question #294

2012-01-19T22:00:00.000+02:00

There are various things! Spending Christmas together. Nicole's 9th Birthday Party with a Tie-Dye theme. Braai's spent at my aunts' house. The birth of a new niece and her christening. Going on holiday to Banana Beach. I always enjoy spending time with my family.

What about you?

2012-01-19T17:30:00.000+02:00

Thought Question #293

2012-01-19T12:30:00.000+02:00

I wish I'd spent more time thinking about my future and the direction I wanted to study. Because five years ago, I had the opportunity, more than I do today.

Colourful

2012-01-19T12:03:00.000+02:00

2012-01-19T11:33:00.000+02:00

2012-01-19T10:58:00.000+02:00

Thought Question #292

2012-01-19T07:49:00.000+02:00

I'd have to say the experience of change and being ripped out of my comfort zone. I didn't like it at the time, and applying for a new job in a big company scared the sh!t out of me, but I made and I'm happier than ever.

Thought Question #291

2012-01-18T21:00:00.000+02:00

Right now I'm excited about my friends' wedding coming up in February, as well as my other friends who recently got engaged and another one who just had a baby boy. I'm excited about some arts and crafts projects I have going. I'm excited about the new season of Bones. I'm excited about starting with my Diploma studies and other courses in the near future. I'm excited about finishing the Feasibility of the 18Shaft project successfuly and perfectly, with everything intact, and starting with the Execution Phase. I'm excited about learning more regarding my pencil sketches. I'm excited about applying for car finance and seeing of I can do it on my own.

There's a lot to be excited about and I always try to see it in my daily life. We tend to stress too much about things we cannot change, and worry too much about tomorrow. Live for today and grab the moment. Find the small excitement in life and the beauty of it all. It makes a difference, I promise.

What are you excited about lately? Please share!

Thought Question #290

2012-01-18T14:00:00.000+02:00

I want to remember the people in my life that meant so much to me. I want to remember the happiness and the excitement. I want to remember the goals I reached and the happiness I brought to others. I want to remember the things I did that stood out. I want to remember the good. I want to remember the good that came from the bad things I went through. I want to remember that I worked hard and that I stood by my beliefs and who I truly am. I want to remember that I did what was right and what was good. I want to remember that I meant something to some people.

What do you want to remember in twenty years?

The Fever is Running High

2012-01-18T11:30:00.000+02:00

I am relatively certain that the thing called "Wedding Fever" and "Baby Fever" is a very real thing. Apparently I'm at the age where I'm supposed to be getting engaged, getting married and getting pregnant. Almost all my friends, especially around my age, fall into one or more of those categories. I mean... what if it's contagious?! Yes, I'll admit, I have entertained thoughts of marriage and having children, but realistically I know that I'm not ready for it yet. But... how are they?!

This first thing would be to have a long-term stable and happy relationship. Which I can't say that I have. I guess it's my own fault. The second thing would be financial stability and being able to move in with that person and have sex as often as possible. Which I also don't have. Gerhard lives 2 hours away from me, to begin with, and we're not moving into a place of our own any time soon. If ever. Neither one of us is financially stable enough to do it either.

But I mean come on!! I'm 23!!

I don't want to get married and invite hundreds of people and arrange a wedding and flowers and cake and decorations and what-have-you. I don't want to live with someone and think up ways to murder them in their sleep and have my privacy totally violated and not be able to be alone. I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night to a screaming infant that I have to take care of 24/7. Not yet anyway. Don't get me wrong... I want it all. Just not now. I'm sure I'm supposed to be too young for it all. And yes, I know that at my age my grandmother and your grandmother was already married with 3 children. It's the 21st Century people! Get with the program!

Or am I the one who's totally and completely behind??

More and more young adults are getting married and doing the baby thing before the age of 25. It's starting to become a trend. But then again, think about this one... Apparently the majority of young adults who are not married by the age of 25 is focusing more on their education and their career. They want to be financially stable before starting a family, of any kind. I think those are the smart ones, to be honest. The majority of young adults living with their significant others before the age of 25, or having children before the age of 25, aren't as focused on their careers or education. I'm not saying this is true for everyone, I'm just saying the majority. And yes, I did hear it from a valid source.

Well, I'm under 25, I'm on my way to focus on my education and I'd like to think I'm focusing on my career. But marriage and babies? I don't think so. Not yet.

What do you think?

Thought Question #289

2012-01-18T07:23:00.000+02:00

I like my life, and I like the way I am and all... but I have to admit that there are things that I envy in people. I don't think I envy one specific person, but rather a multitude of people with these traits or things things in their lives. I envy the people who are financially secure. I envy the people who are able to control their bodyweight and exercise frequently. I envy the people who get to go into a clothing store and fit into the first outfit they find, because the size is right there and perfect for them. I envy the people who are in stable, happy relationships, and/or about to get married or have a baby. I wouldn't mind having that myself, any of that. But I'm definitely not ungrateful. I am my own person and I have my own ways. Things happen the way they do for a reason, and I trust that the outcome will benefit me greatly when the time comes. I trust that I will be at my happiest when the time is right, and when the reason is right.

Whom do you secretly envy and why?

Make Friends With Yourself

2012-01-17T15:00:00.000+02:00

By Gerti Schoen, MA, LP

One of the hardest things for the Gentle Self is to let go of the harsh and critical thoughts in one’s own head. The self-imposed reprimands usually pile up high. Often we don’t even think as “Me,” but we take on the voices we internalized from others who have made us feel inadequate in the past: You are a nuisance… You should be working harder… You are too fat… You are a loser… Nobody is interested in what you have to say…

Sometimes we aren’t really aware of the thoughts that put us down that way, but they’re there, running somewhere in the background, and impacting everything we do. As soon as you hear yourself say “I suck,” “I’m not good at this,” chances are that your inner critic is at work.

Lots of people struggle with this kind of self- blame. For some, the voices are devastating and pervasive. What we automatically do in this situation is to try to tune them out. To get rid of them. Out with the negative thoughts.

Unfortunately there’s no way to control them. The harder we push them away, the more likely they come back, and sometimes with a vengeance. Just like we can’t tell our bodies to stop hurting, we can’t command our mind to quit worrying.

What we want to do is approach ourselves in a caring and compassionate manner. “Well, what is going on today?” we might gently say to our battered mind. “What happened that these thoughts are haunting me more than other times?” Very often it goes back to an inconsiderate remark someone made. A disrespectful gesture. An argument with your spouse. Feeling that your needs were neglected. Maybe our bodies are tired and the mind needs rest as well.

Very often, some nurturing is required. It’s almost like taking that vulnerable part of yourself into your arms and comfort it like you would try to soothe a friend or a child. “Of course I feel low, I’ve been paying attention to others all day and didn’t check in with myself at all.” “I know that the critic in my head thinks that I have nothing to say. It’s because I never got the chance earlier in life to show what I have to offer. I know that I have plenty to contribute once I feel comfortable and trust the people around me.” Allow yourself the time you need to warm up to your environment.

Don’t push too harshly. It will only make the scared parts of yourself shut down. We want to encourage them and coax them out of hiding into the light. There’s usually a part of you that feels stronger and more confident. Let that part take the lead. Pay attention to your professional self, your witty self, your brotherly self, your athletic self, your creative self – whichever is the strongest. Let them nurture the frightened part of the self, so you as a whole can breathe easier.

Thought Question #288

2012-01-17T11:00:00.000+02:00

Peace of mind and spirit. More calmness in my life. More structure. Amazing people. A great manager to work with and a great team. More time in general, as I work from 6am - 3pm it gives me a lot of free time as well. I get to spend more time with my Mom, who works at the same company. I get more time to spend with family and friends.

What about you??

Boundaries

2012-01-17T09:00:00.002+02:00

I've been thinking about boundaries lately... the boundaries we set for ourselves and the boundaries we set for other people. Friends, family, acquintances and collegues. I've been feeling uncomfortable about some people in recent times and trying to avoid spending time with them. It's not how I know myself but I'm not blaming myself for it. There are certain times when I find people who want tell all, like share their life story with me in personal detail. These people tend to be work collegues, which I find strange. I'm not the type to generally mix my professional and my personal life, but there are people who have made me more comfortable with sharing my personal life with then, who have made me comfortable in opening up to a certain extent, at work. And I did. Only to be brought back to earth that they, in fact, couldn't care less about me and my personal life. I've accepted the fact of course, but because of that I've turned a bit cold towards them. I try and distance myself, sometimes too much, and tend to keep more to myself in the workplace. Is that good or bad? I honestly don't know.

Tell-All people can be found everywhere, I'm sure. Like when someone you just met suddenly confides in you about their divorce or something just as personal. You really do not need to know. I've found that people find me easy to confide in, even about random sh!t, and it's a good thing I'm sure. But there are a lot of times that I quite frankly don't care, and find myself in a position where I can't get out of the conversation without being rude or hurting the persons' feelings.

Then you get people who suddenly trust you with their life. People who jump to closeness way too quickly. I've met some of these people, and I find it a bit odd, but also quite comforting. Probably because I know where they are coming from. Thing is, too many people value trustworthiness and honesty above all, and tend to shut out the people who attach themselves too quickly, ending up hurting these people. I, for one, cannot stand fake people in my life and tend to shut them out really quickly. I don't want people in my life who just talk about themselves all the time, I don't want people in my life who don't care about me and how it's going with me as much I care about them and their lives. I don't want selfish or dishonest people in my life, and I sure as hell can't stand negative people, at all. When I find someone to be negative I distance myself rather quickly from them. I'm trying so hard to be positive, and if I find I cannot lift someone up with me, I let go. Some people just don't want to be helped, and it's beyond annoying to me!

Life is never that bad, I promise. There is always a way to get out of a hole, whether it's one you created yourself or one you find yourself in because of circumstances or the influence of other people. And I'm a big believer in the fact that if you send out negative messages to the universe, the universe will respond negatively. If you remain positive and try your best, there is always positive things coming your way, big or small.

Another boundary includes the need that people have for affection and love. Sometimes, when you do not get your needs met or when you are negative and feeling lonely, you tend to try and soak up any bit of attention any person can give you. This may seem needy to some, but at the end of the day it's like you are a dry sponge just yearning for attention and love, in any shape or form. You cling onto people who care for you and this may lead to pushing those people away, leaving you worse off than before. It's understandable, but it can be helped. The trick is to happy with yourself, alone, before seeking the company of others. Not to fill the void, just to add to your happiness and growth.

People become consumed with other people, at times. I've had friends in the past, who've gotten so consumed with a certain person or a special someone in their lives, that they forget about the other areas in their lives. They find value in that person and they feel worthwhile and appreciated, so they let go of other important areas in their lives, like friendships and career and family. It happens, all the time, where you find that a friend has a new girlfriend/boyfriend, and becomes so attached to this person that they never seem to have time for anyone else. This, to me, is wrong. Friends are extremely important. Family is extremely important. What would happen if the person consuming your life, had to leave? You would have nothing left.

Boundaries are important in all areas of life, the confusing thing sometimes, is knowing where to set which boundaries and in what situation or area of your life. You cannot have the same open relationship that you have your partner, and share it with the people at work for example. Also, visa versa.

What do you think about boundaries?

Thought Question #287

2012-01-17T07:16:00.001+02:00

I've sabotaged myself in my love life, I've sabotaged myself in my finances, I've sabotaged myself in my relationships with people, my friendships, I've sabotaged myself in my career and in my further education. It's strange the things we do to ourselves. The things we think are right, for the moment, the indicisions that hold us back. It's obviously nothing to be proud of, but it can always get better. I can always get better. And I definitely intend to.

How about you? What have you done to sabotage yourself?

Thought Question #286

2012-01-17T07:10:00.002+02:00

I think that one year from today I will be more stable in my life. I will be more stable in my finances and hopefully be more independent. Perhaps, one year from today, I will live in my own place. One year from today I hope to have a solid Diploma behind me, as well as various other courses and knowledge. One year from today, I might see myself in a whole different setting...

Where do you see your life one year from today?

Thought Question #285

2012-01-12T08:12:00.001+02:00

Yes. I'm very happy. I'm calm and collected. I'm emotionally stable and well-managed. I have a really nice job with a salary that's a lot better than what I used to get. I have so much more apportunitites than ever before. I have some great people in my life who mean the world to me. I have no relationship sh!t (most of the time). I understand people a bit more than I used to. I have more patience than I used to. My religion is... well, it's getting there. I have a beautiful little Arts & Crafts Room of my very own, with all my things stored and a big table to create things on, where I can disappear into my own little world and just create more happiness. I smile more. I enjoy more things. I appreciate more of the little things in life.

I guess... in a way this all should be really strange. With all that's happened in this past year. But I'm just really grateful that I've turned out so well despite it all. Don't get me wrong... it still hurts. I still miss them and still regret this and that. I'm still sad about a lot of things, deep down. I just don't let it overwhelm me. I won't.

Are you happy? I really, truly hope that you are.

Thought Question #284

2012-01-12T08:12:00.000+02:00

My family. My Mom, my Grandfather, my Grandmother, my Uncle and My Aunt. Ex-Boyfriends, too, might I add. Without them I also wouldn't be who I am today. They shaped me, with good and bad.

Who has had the greatest impact on your life?

Thought Question #283

2012-01-12T08:11:00.003+02:00

What an apt picture... I can only say my cat, Mega. I don't have children or a husband, so none of those. My Mom, and I'm sure my friends too, are quite independent and doesn't depend on me for anything.

Who depends on you?

Thought Question #282

2012-01-12T08:11:00.002+02:00

I want more happiness and love... but who doesn't right? And I want less fighting, sadness, unsurity and insecurity.

What about you??

Thought Question #281

2012-01-11T14:39:00.000+02:00

I missed out on the opportunity to be a full-time student. It only comes by ones in a lifetime, for most of us. I didn't take it because of family pressure and uncertainties in myself.

What about you?

Thought Question #280

2012-01-11T11:02:00.001+02:00

Oooohhh a couple of times, of course. I think we all do, more than we ever care to admit. I felt lost and alone, and a myriad of other things when I lost my Grandfather, when I lost my friend and her family, when I went through different kinds of shit with Gerhard, when I worked at CG, when I couldn't study what I wanted, when I picked up weight, when I went for a stupid operation. There was a couple of times. I'm just really glad I came through better than before.

What about you? Care to share?

Thought Question #279

2012-01-09T12:26:00.001+02:00

I would like to forgive my father. Whoever he is. Completely. It's not that he bothers me, at all actually, I think it's just that in the back of my mind I haven't completely forgotten, or forgiven. I'd like to forgive some friends I once had, Bernice and Herman. The things they did and said were ridiculously unforgivable. I say I've forgiven them, and that I don't care, I'm just entirely sure if that's true. I guess I have this idea that if and when I forgive someone, that I have to invite them back into my life and make what they did okay. I know it's not true though. Forgiving someone is up to you and only you, it doesn't make what they did okay, it just makes you a better person, calmer and happier, without the burden of all the stress and tension they've caused, or what they did. I want to forgive guys that have been in my life, the things they've done to me, the way they've hurt me in the past. It's hard, and I'm over it, but I'm not sure if I've completely forgiven them.

Who would you like to forgive?

Thought Question #278

2012-01-09T12:23:00.001+02:00

Oh I just want them to think I'm nice. I want them to see a true friend in me, even if they're missing out on that part of me. I want them to see a good, happy person. I want them to be infected by my happiness. I guess I'd also like them to think of some sort of pretty, don't we all want that?

What would you want people to think at first?

Thought Question #277

2012-01-09T12:21:00.000+02:00

I would have started exercising on my new boxing bag. I can't wait to start. But other than that... not much. I like how things are going lately. I'm more than happy in my new Arts & Crafts Room, watching movies or series and doing pencil sketches, when I can. The rest of the time I spend with family and friends, or maybe out on the town.

What would you want to change?

Thought Question #276

2012-01-09T12:17:00.000+02:00

My Mother, I guess. I want her to be proud of me. I want my family to be proud of me. I don't care about trying to impress people, I'm pretty chilled about that. I'm also not the bragging type. But my family is important and I want them to be pleased with the person they raised. I try, hard sometimes, but it doesn't always work. Small things are my downfall. I didn't go and study what they wanted me to study. I don't have the perfect partner in life who matches or exceeds their expectations. I don't have a perfect job and tons of money. I don't have a perfect size 0 body. They tend to make me feel like a failure with those things. But I try, and that's the most important part I guess.

Who would you like to please the most and why?

Thought Question #275

2012-01-09T12:12:00.000+02:00

Fear of failure has stopped me from getting out my comfort zone sooner. Which, eventually when I did, made me happier than I've been in such a long time. Fear of failure has also stopped me from going out there and studying what I want to study and being who I am, fully. I'm still working on that though.

What about you??

Thought Questions #274

2012-01-09T12:01:00.000+02:00

I hear my hair and my eyes are very striking. Go figure. The rest, I still have to work on. The other day, I heard I have luscious lips! Hahaha!

What would you say are your most striking physical attributes?

2012 is here!

2012-01-09T11:53:00.001+02:00

Since I've been a bit MIA I'd like to, finally, wish each and every one of you amazing people a Happy New Year filled blessings and love ahead!! I don't know if you believe in New Year's Resolutions, 'cause I don't, but if you have them I hope you Ace them successfully!!

May all the happingess in the world find you!

Merry Christmas !!

2011-12-25T09:00:00.000+02:00

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

May you and your families and friends be blessed beyond comprehension during this beautiful time of the year, and the amazing New Year ahead of us! Take Care and Be Safe!

All my Loves and Kisses,

Maryx

Thought Question #273

2011-12-23T14:00:00.000+02:00

I'd like to think I'm extremely blessed in my life. I have fantastic friends and family. I'm blessed with my job and I'm emotionally stable. Most of the time. But I would really want a place of my own though... I live with my Mom, it's just the two of us, and I love it ofcourse, but it would be nice to have my own place with my own things and my own decorations etc etc. I guess that's the big thing missing in my life. And of course the people that have passed me by or passed on, they are definitely missing because I miss them.

What is missing in your live??

Thought Question #272

2011-12-23T08:00:00.000+02:00

Can I even narrow it down? ... Maybe! I would have to say a BAD DRIVER. OMW I can't stand inconsiderate people on the road. People who endanger other people's lives. I can't understand how they don't see what they're doing wrong?!

Also, lying and cheating people. I don't get it. If you want to cheat, you shouldn't be in a relationship. I've spoken about the lying thing more than once before. It's ridiculous. People who kill, rape, steal and torture. I just don't get it. Why?! Yes, they all anger me. Especially how inconsiderate people can be, in general.

What type of person angers YOU the most??

Thought Question #271

2011-12-23T06:00:00.000+02:00

I'm really good with children, I hear. I'm good at arranging get-together and parties. I really good with my arts and crafts and my pencil sketches, I hear. Well, I enjoy it immensely so I'm sure I am. I'm really good at talking to people and trying to motivate them, it usually works. I'm really good at, most of the time, at motivating myself. I'm a really good listener, they say.

What are you really good at??

Positives

2011-12-22T13:47:00.001+02:00

Thought Question #270

2011-12-22T10:13:00.000+02:00

Paying Insurance, Tax and the general shitty Bills. Don't you life would be so much simpler without them? They should be there... available, and getting paid. Just not by me. That would be great. Kthanks!

Hehe! What would you get rid of??

Thought Question #269

2011-12-22T10:07:00.000+02:00

I don't believe in living in regrets. I know I have some regrets... here and there. But I refuse to let it get to me. I don't know what my biggest one is though. I even have regrets that really couldn't have helped the situation in question, at all, and it probably wouldn't have been possible at that point in time anyway, but the regret is still there. I just can't allow it to get to me.

It's like... I regret not spending more time with my grandfather. I regret not taking him to the ocean, to Umdloti, one last time. I regret not visiting Eunice more than I did. I regret not answering her last texts in time, no matter how unimportant. I regret some relationships and the things I did during those times. I regret some friendships and the things and siuations they created in me and in my life. I regret not studying directly after school. I regret not knowing what exactly to do with my life, and how.

I don't let regrets get to me. I believe everything happens for a reason. We just have to let it go, because there really is nothing we can do about the past, we can just try and work on the future.

What are your biggest regrets?

Thought Question #268

2011-12-22T09:54:00.000+02:00

I feel good about myself when I exercise my butt off. I feel good about myself when people compliment me. I feel good about myself when someone loves what I've done, like when I do sketches or when I do my arts and crafts, or when I give them something handmade. I feel good about myself when I buy clothes and I fit into it immediately and it even looks good on me. I feel good about myself when I eat healthy.

I guess I should just do more of the above, like exercising and healthy eating, and the rest will follow.

What about you??

December, December

2011-12-22T09:50:00.000+02:00

Thought Question #267

2011-12-21T12:49:00.002+02:00

I've started a new job. I've increased my salary. I've worked hard enough and made enough of an impression to deserve a small bonus and a fantastic increase, considering I've only been working at the place for almost four months. I've started saving money, and it feels great. I've arranged my first camping trip and bought the things we need, it's coming up next week! I'm more stable in my relationships with people, friends and foes. I'm more stable with how I feel about myself. I've started doing bootcamp, I'm getting a boxing bag for Christmas and I'm working on my body image, something that helps me and my self-confidence so much! I went ahead and started building up my Arts & Crafts ROOM, super proud of myself by the way. I've started with DIY projects with Gerhard, absolutely loving it. My Crafting Room looks fantastic so far! And I've got containers and boxes and markers for everything, just have to sort it all out.

There's so much positive in my life, it's amazing. And so much to be grateful for. I strongly believe that we create the positive in our lives. If there is none, you have to make it happen, like I have! Oh, and... it took me a seemingly long time to figure it all out on my own... that our happiness and our positive things do not depends on other people, as much as on ourselves.

What positive changes have you made recently?

I would love to hear it!

Apparently I'm a "Child Whisperer"

2011-12-21T11:17:00.000+02:00

You know like the Dog Whisperer? Almost like that. Just with children. For some odd reason everyone's kid's think I'm the coolest thing ever. I reckon it's because I like to think I'm also still a child at heart. I love all the things they love, I still find it fascinating and fun! Things like playing games, talking about silly things, arts and crafts of all kinds, reading beautiful story books, with passion and enthusiasm I might add, watching cartoons and Disney movies, running around chasing them and tickling them, telling stories and sharing stuff, things like that.

Almost every parent I've come across thinks I'm great, because the children find my so fascinating. Everyone says I'll make a great mother some day. I'd like to think so too... but I guess we won't know until it happens. I want kids, don't get me wrong. I love kids. I'm just kinda worried that I'll be one those mothers who are really, really strict and mean. I'm sure I won't be, but the possibility is there isn't it? Especially once they get older, like tween and teen stage. I've been there. We all have. It's hard. We all take chances and make mistakes and LIE to our parents and get away with murder, and some of us get into some real serious trouble with some of things, or something bad happens and we're traumatized for life and and and... it all kinda depends on that stage of life huh? It really, really scares me, you know? The things I hear that young kids and teenagers are getting up to these days? Yes, I know. I already sound old. But I'm not. I mean I should know about most of the things. But I guess, with all the partying, drinking, smoking and flirting I did... I never got into serious situations and dangerous things. I was so protected. And open-minded, might I add. I really hope my kids will be able to make the same, or no BETTER decisions than I did.

Otherwise... yes, I'll definitely be one of those overprotective helicopter mom's. But in a good way. I hope.

So... if you're a parent... what 'kind of' parent are you??

Thought Question #266

2011-12-21T11:03:00.000+02:00

What a strange question... I'm not entirely sure hey. Probably someone famous, just to feel how it feels, and then get over it. Otherwise... I really don't know who.

Who would you be and why?

Loving the Baggy Shirts

2011-12-21T10:59:00.003+02:00

Thought Question #265

2011-12-20T08:30:00.000+02:00

The people in my life. The possibilities that lie ahead for me. My arts and crafts. Love. Nature. Animal. How beautiful the world is, through all the pain and suffering, even though it's sad how little we appreciate it. There's so much to be grateful for, as I've said so many times, and because of that ... so much to be excited about! Sometimes, you just have to look closer, and sometimes you have to give all the 'crap' over to a higher power. There are so many ways to deal with things in your life, and so many people who love you, even if you don't realize it.

What gets you excited? Please, do share!

Thought Question #264

2011-12-20T06:00:00.000+02:00

No way. Not if someone paid me. If I could be killed now, I wouldn't mind that too much either. It's not that I'm depressed or anything, quite the contrary, I'm just not scared of death. At all. It's strange, I'm sure. I'm more scared of the death of a loved one, than my own.

What about you?

Thought Question #263

2011-12-19T15:00:00.000+02:00

Stay strong and don't let them get you down. It's following that advice that took some time, that's all.

What about you??

Thought Question #262

2011-12-19T13:00:00.000+02:00

Most? Wow... there's so much that I admire about my Mother. If I had to choose what I admire most - it would probably be my Mother's strength and motivation. She's absolutely magnificent!

What about you?

Changing

2011-12-19T12:44:00.001+02:00

I tend to write a lot about change. How I have changed, how people have changed, how my life has changed, and even how the world has changed. I guess I like the subject, huh? Change isn't always all that great, though. I don't like change all that much in general, I like being in my comfort zone, but I tend to get used to the change faster than I thought I would. Which is a good thing, I'm sure.

How do you think you have changed this year? Was it big, was it small? Was it because of someone or some situation in your life, or was it because you decided to all on your own? Did you get something positive out of that change, and how did it affect your life?

Change is scary. Change is uncertain. But then again... Change is breathtaking and wonderful, new and interesting. I'm pretty sure there's always something good to say about a change in someone's life, even if we won't know the purpose of that change for ages to come, I'm sure it's all well worth it.

Gerhard and I have changed. Again. Evolved, I guess. We're not in a relationship, but he's still in my life. I think it's because of the change that happened inside me. I just don't care as much anymore. I know it sounds harsh, but it's true. He screwed up, again. He lost me. I turned around and walked away, I told him it's over between us. He wanted to run away and hide and never contact me again, but I knew ahead of time what would come of that. The same circle would replay itself, the same thing will happen that always does. We can't just stay away from each other, we can't just suddenly break contact and expect to be okay with being apart. We always relapse and the shit starts all over again. So I told him that I like having him in my life. I enjoy our conversations and the way we know each other so well. I like that we work and play well together and we understand each other. I like that we make each other laugh. So I asked him to stay, if he wants to, with no strings attached. We're not mutually exclusive, and I love that. I'm not looking for anyone else, neither is he as far as I know. We're just... there. And it works. Better than ever before, according to me that is. I'm sure he feels the same way.

We're going away on a camping trip in a week's time, and we're really really excited about it! I think it's gonna be great! There's so much to see and do in the area we're going. I'll take lotsa pictures and share it later!

People change, good and bad, they change. I've lost friends... and gained some others. It's sad, but it happens. I'm handling it better than I used to. There is still a million things I don't understund, but I don't feel like I have to anymore. Things happen. People change. Friends grow apart. It doesn't have to be ugly, it just needs to happen sometimes. I try and calm myself when I see people changing... because maybe it's me changing. We never know right...

Thought Question #261

2011-12-19T11:00:00.000+02:00

Honesty, primarily. Also, success and motivation, acceptance, etc.

There is so much we look at in a significant other, can we even pinpoint it?

What is yours?

Thought Question #260

2011-12-19T08:57:00.002+02:00

I would love to wake up to the sound of the ocean outside my bedroom window, have a cup of coffee on the balcony in the early morning sun. Get dressed and go down to the beach, spend the morning in the waves and on the rocks, playing and tanning. Have a nice lunch and spend the afternoon reading or doing arts and crafts on the balcony, with the ocean breeze in the air. Maybe take a cat nap. And to round it off, I would love to have a beautiful dinner party with my friends and family, spending the rest of the evening together and maybe taking a midnight stroll on the beach in the moonlight.

Wouldn't that just be grand?

How would you spend your ideal day?

Thought Question #259

2011-12-17T14:05:00.000+02:00

When it puts someone in danger, I think. Or when it really, really hurts someone. Doing the right thing is actually the best thing.

What do you think?

Thought Question #258

2011-12-16T14:04:00.000+02:00

I've hurt people. That's probably the biggest thing I'm not proud of. Haven't we all? Then of course there are some other things... relationship, and not relationship, things. Urgh.

What about you?

Thought Question #257

2011-12-15T13:56:00.000+02:00

My Mother. My Aunt. My Grandmother. My Grandfather. My family is impressing! They are absolutely amazing, that's what I think at least! Quite frankly I don't even know where to start. But I have stated so before =)

So... who impresses you?

Thought Question #256

2011-12-14T13:44:00.000+02:00

That having Holiday Fever is quite possible... I'm looking forward to holiday so much it's ridiculous. Gerhard and I are going camping between Crhistmas and New Year!

What did life teach you yesterday??

Thought Question #255

2011-12-14T13:35:00.000+02:00

From what I've heard?

... Maritz, Gerhard, I'm guessing my family.

What about you??

3 Months and Counting at TWP

2011-12-14T08:57:00.001+02:00

So I'm permanent staff now. After my 3 month 'probation period'. And the company really knows how to look after their people. Once they have you, they want to keep you, but in a good way, not in a we're-gonna-lock-you-up-and-force-you-to-work way. Far from it actually. Our offices are situated in Melrose Arch in Johannesburg, South Africa. Google it, nice place. We get lunch every.single.day at the canteen. The company pays and it's not 'worked into your salary'. We usually have a choice between a health pack filled with a muffin, a yoghurt, a health bar or energy bar and a juice. Two packets of crisps (or one bag of popcorn), a chocolate and a cold drink. A baguette, a yoghurt or a fruit and a juice. A tramazzini, a packet of crisps and bottled water. A sandwhich (of all sorts), a yoghurt or a fruit and bottled water. A biltong, crisps and coldrinks packet. Or even a hot meal of the day, like lasagna or briyani or cottage pie. It varies every day.

This last month, I've been to four (yes, that's 4) year-end functions or getaways. The company year-end function was held in the basement of Melrose Arch and it was called the Concert in the Car Park. Strange venue, I know, but it turned out great. Mean Mr Mustard and Mark Pilgrim (local DJ) was the entertainment for the night, the food was divine, with a big variety, and the drinks were on the house. I also went to the Kiddies Year-End Christmas party, where I took my 9-year-old niece with. I went to the Secretaries and PSO's year-end lunch and I went to our Project Year end function, where we went on a booze cruise on the Vaal River and have a potjie afterwards.

Spoilt, right?

Pretty much yeah. I love my work and I love the people I work with. Everyone, okay mostly everyone, is super nice and so ready to help with anything. My manager is the nicest guy to work for, and even my Head of Department loves me. Although she already thinks I need more of a challenge. We'll see where that takes me...

I've been here almost 4 months, and the bonus and increase performance appraisals have also seen me through. I got a quite alright bonus for the little time I've been here, they generally give a whole 13th paycheck. Which is gonna be sooooo awesome by next year this time. I even got an increase, it's not grand or anything, but it's more than I got in my whole 3 years and 10 months at my previous job. Goes to show huh! I'm so glad I left there. And the longer I'm over here, the happier I am that I left there. It's amazing what can happen to the staff when a company looks after them.

Our systems are fast, and absolutely efficient. We log calls for IT, Printer support, catering requests, projector requests, building maintenance. It goes through three phases - First the Confirmation (you get sent an email saying that your request has been received), Second an Update (Another email saying that your request has been given to a specific person to assist with), then Third it's the Request Closed (the last email giving the resolution the problem and how it was handled). Isn't that fantastic?! I love it!

The company consists of over 1000 people, so yeah I guess it's necessary.

There are procedures for almost everything here. The portal, working through SharePoint 2010 and the Internet, is fast and efficient too.

Anyway, I'm babbling again. Just wanted to update a little regarding the new job that's been keeping sooooo busy.

Hope you are well Dear Readers, if you're even still there...

Thought Question #254

2011-12-10T14:41:00.000+02:00

I understand now that my life is okay. I understand that I am definitely okay single and that I am more than capable of making my own dicisions and standing on my own two feet. I understand that I do not need a man to make me feel good about myself and that I can really be comfortable in my own skin. I understand that I am not as unfit and fat as people, or even myself, have said that I am. I understand that it my choice and my choice alone, to feel the way I feel and to do something about the things that make me unhappy. I understand that I don't have to be unhappy, that there is a million things I can do to change my mood and that I have a million things to be grateful for. I understand that friends are not forever and that people tend to break promises and break my heart, a lot easier than I am capable of breaking theirs. I understand that there are a million and one things I will never understand, and that it's okay, I don't have to. I understand that loving someone and wanting to be with them, does not necessarily have to include a relationship status on Facebook and telling the whole world about your happiness and your problems. I understand that I can, and have to, be happy with myself, before I can be happy with anyone else. I understand that my trust issues are my issues alone and that I have to deal with them in a realistic manner without putting people who care for me through unnecessary sh!t. I understand that family is forever and that family will always love you and cherish you no matter what they say, or do. I understand that regrets always come too late and that everyone, one way or another, doesn't cherish and appreciated the things they have in their lives, until it is gone.

I understand so many things more than I did a year ago, and I'm proud of that, but there is still so much to learn, there is still so much to see and do and go through. Some good and others bad, unfortunately. But all of it is still part of the process, part of growing up and growing wise. We all have to go through it, and you know what? It's not the end of the world, just the end of a chapter, at the very worst. Life is beautiful and we should really celebrate it more!

What do you understand better today than a year ago??

Thought Question #253

2011-12-09T14:35:00.000+02:00

I changed jobs. I must admit that it was the biggest change I've made. Leaping out of my comfort zone and into the unknown area of Engineering and secretary work. It was scary, but well worth it. I'm quite settled in at work and it seems that I'm already in demand in the company. I've made my name, in a way, too.

In the past 3 months (yes, it's been three months already) I've stood up to the Engineering Manager on my project and gave him a piece of my mind. It took him a week to get over it, but from then on he's treated me with respect and he's friendly as can be. I've dressed up as a rock star and as a Dead Fairy Godmother, one for Casual Day and one for Halloween. I've managed to dress up my mother for Halloween as well. I've made aquintances with quite a number of people and pretty good friends with a lot of them too!

There's so much I still want to tell you!

So what was your biggest change this year??

I'd love to know!

Thought Question #252

2011-12-08T14:28:00.000+02:00

I think we all tell white lies like the most famous one of "I'm fine, thanks". I definitely use that one. But other lies? Often? I can't really think... I try my best to be openly and brutally honest. Hey, it works for me. Try it some time. It's quite refreshing. When you're honest with yourself and others, you tend to be happier and more peaceful.

Of course... if white lies include just simply not telling someone how you don't like them, but rather deciding to keep your mean thoughts to yourself... then yes, I tell white lies. Because there are people at work, for example, that really need some honesty from someone about their manners or their ways, but I just think it would be safer if I'm not the one to share mine with them. I have to work with them at the end of the day, and there is most definitely a fragile line between collegues, friends and enemies.

What's the last little white lie that you told?

Or what do you tell often?

Thought Question #251

2011-12-07T14:22:00.000+02:00

I would rather choose the less attractive and extremely intelligent option... There's a lot you can do with looks, no matter how "attractive" society deems you are. But intelligence is something you need to succeed far in life, and we all need some of that. We don't 'need' looks.

What would you choose?

Thought Question #250

2011-12-06T14:21:00.000+02:00

I’d have to say clean the house. Oh how I hate cleaning the house. Things like washing dishes, washing the floors, vacuuming, making the bed, cleaning windows and bathrooms and the kitchen counters. Doing laundry I don’t mind that much, but hanging the clothes back in my tiny closet is not fun either. Would be nice to have someone do it all for me, but alas, no such luck in our house. It’s DIY in more than the fun ways.

What about you??

Our First DIY Project

2011-12-05T14:20:00.000+02:00

Gerhard and I have started doing DIY Projects at home... and we love it! We just can't get enough of it! Especially him. I think he's truly found his hobby now. Finally.

I had this light-wood old bookrack standing in our spare bedroom that just didn't look nice at all. The thin board covering the back was coming off, seeing as it stapled to the rest of the structure, and the wood was just... colourless really. So we went and bought some ebony wood stain, sanded down the cupboard and stained it black all over. We purchased a new backboard for it, and I modge podged it with beautiful wrapping paper and fastened it securely to the back of the structure. It looks fantastic!!! I am absolutely in love with my 'new' piece of furniture! It looks like something expensive out of a store window display to me!

So... what do you think??

Thought Question #249

2011-12-05T14:01:00.000+02:00

I wouldn't have wasted my time going to the farm, because the woman we went to see to collect my friends' belongings from, disappeared into thin air. My mother almost lost control of the car on the gravel road and a rock hit the sump on the car and created a huge hole, that was quite unnecessary. And, I could've spent the day doing so much more than that, and waiting around for someone who is too sh!t scared to face us.

What about you??

Thought Question #248

2011-10-20T09:55:00.000+02:00

My sense of humor, I'm guessing. Dark, sarcastic and dry. That's me.

What about you? We're all weird!

Thought Question #247

2011-10-19T09:23:00.000+02:00

When I have an hour of free time, I usually spend it watching an episode of a current series I'm watching and/or spending time on my arts and crafts. Sometimes, even blogging.

What do you do??

Ridiculous Sex Products I'm sure you won't use =D

2011-10-18T09:36:00.001+02:00

Really now?

You wanna count your thrusts? Could be funny !

Could be uncomfortable...

I taste just fine... I'm sure

Could this even work?! Hehehe

What The F?

A Teddy Bear to hide your vibes? Urm... if you still need teddies to hide your vibes, you sure aren't old enough to own them.

Thought Question #246

2011-10-18T09:16:00.000+02:00

I'm terrible with handling my finances.

I'm not afraid of anything, other than losing a loved one.

I'm not as clever as I seem.

I have a lot of trouble with people, and relationships.

I'm very sure it's all my fault.

I can't seem to get over the fact that I'm just not good enough.

Tell me some about you??

Thought Question #245

2011-10-17T08:55:00.000+02:00

How my life is not going the way I wanted it to. My problems and my emotions.

What do you think of?

Thought Question #244

2011-10-16T08:53:00.000+02:00

My future. Myself. My sanity. What I want to do with my life. Men. Friends. People in general.

What are you uncertain about??

Thought Question #243

2011-10-15T12:17:00.000+02:00

I think I would saymy Mother is my mentor. She taught me somuch. Not just in life, but alsoregarding the job I recently started. I’ve learned how to handle engineers and their crap. I’ve learned how to do create and format aperfect document. I’ve learned how towork the internet and the sharepoint portal. I’ve learned about the internet and about MSOffice. I’ve learned how to beprofessional. I’ve learned how to workwith people and how to build up your contacts and your friends. I’ve learned how to be the person I reallyam, and to appreciate that. I’ve learnedto work hard and to excel in life. I’velearned to spend my money wisely.

There is so much thatI’ve learned… that I still learn, from my Mother.

What about you??

Thought Question #242

2011-10-14T12:15:00.000+02:00

Hopefully going to visit the boyfriend for a whole weekend! And getting better and better at my job and being able to make things easier for the whole project team.

What about you??

Thought Question #241

2011-10-13T12:13:00.000+02:00

I know it’s not niceto say, or admit, but urm… My boyfriend. Love is distracting. It’s great,but it’s distracting. Is that wrong, of me? I don’tknow. But it’s like… he’s distracting mefrom doing what I love, even if I don’t blame him, at all. I miss my pencil sketches, I miss my arts andcrafts, I miss my computer games, even. I miss spending so much time on all of it, and on my faith. I have to work on finding a balance, Iknow. It’s like, for more than a year,that I was single, I could do what I want, when I want, and now… something isholding me back. I’m sure it’s just me,trying to adjust and focus my life around him, my new job, my family and myfriends, while still finding time for myself somewhere in the middle of it all.

What or who has been distractingyou?