Feb 28, 2010
Feb 25, 2010
I love cutex. It's pretty and I love the colors. But My Word?! Come on?! There's got to be a miracle cure for people like me?! =) Pretty Please...
Feb 22, 2010
MC and I were inseparable. Of course. We did everything together and somewhere along the line we even had a Little Black Book. This was to write down our plans for the weeks and weekends because for some odd reason, a lot of people wanted our time and attention. At the same times. So we had to 'book out' our time to our friends. Our friends who didn't mix or didn't know each other, of course.
Anywhoodle... One Friday afternoon after school, Ice, Link and Andrew came to pick us up from school. Names sound dodgy? They were. Believe me. We were young and stupid but at least we never got into serious trouble. Thank God. We went to Ice's house that Friday afternoon. Where
they had a lot of alcohol and of course we ended up playing drinking games. It was 'our thing'. Whatever. MC and I could drink alright... at one stage. So we had a ball of a time and laughed ourselves into pulp. At around 4pm that afternoon, big-mouth me decided that it's unfair that MC only has one hole pierced in each ear and I have two.
Yeah... you get where I'm going with this... She was drunk as a skunk but still standing up straight. And obviously sounding like a giddy teenager at the same time. We packed her up and dragged her to the car, where after the guys drove us to the Curiosity shop close to my house where I got my tongue pierced a year before. Yes. I did that too. MC kept her mouth shut and apparently she hardly felt a thing! Very impressed with ourselves, we went back and drank some more.
It took MC 2 days to realize that she had extra holes in her ears and it took her parents 2 weeks to figure it out. None of them was impressed. Heehee!!!!!!
Funny Stuff. But also one of those You-Had-To-Be-There... Stuff!
I HAVE – a strong urge to get back the body I had in high school. I’m doing Muaythai and my goal is getting nearer and nearer.
I WISH – Life could be easier… simpler.
I WANT – SO many things… and not enough time to write them down.
I FEAR – losing a loved one. That’s it. I DON’T fear death or any of the extreme things in this world. I only fear losing the people I love.
I HEAR – That I am a very strong person and can handle life’s storms. I hear that I am a great friend. I hear that I can anything I want to.
I WONDER – What will happen next...
I REGRET – not being stronger than I am already.
I LOVE – My family, my friends, My cat, Sleep,
I ALWAYS – have to change any recipe I’m working on. I always open the doors wide and sniff the air when I see it’s raining. I love that smell! I always… try to be a better friend and person than you expect me to be. Although I have my faults…
I USUALLY – stop drinking when I feel tipsy… =)
I AM NOT – very proud of the things I have done in my past. But I’m working on my future. Everyday.
I SING – While driving… IF I’m alone.
I NEVER – Want to regret living the life I’ve chosen…
I CRY – Rather easily. But always try my best to do it alone.
I AM NOT ALWAYS – appreciative of what I have. Patient. Stable.
I NEED – To make a decision and stick with it. I need to sleep. I need to be more positive. I need to lessen the drama in my life. I need to get rid of the bad stuff. I need to … (This could be a list. Like ‘I want’ and 'I love'.)
Feel free to add your own list!
Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. -Abraham Lincoln
- Be a Part of Something You Believe In – This could be anything. People may take an active role in their local city council, find refuge in religious faith, join a social club supporting causes they believe in, or find passion in their careers. In each case the physiological outcome is the same. They engage themselves in something they strongly believe in. This engagement brings happiness and meaning into their lives.
- Share Time with Friends and Family – A happy life is a life shared with friends and family. The stronger the personal relationships are and the higher the frequency of interaction, the happier a person will be.
- Reflect on the Good – Quite often people concentrate too much of their attention on negative outcomes and leave no time to positively reflect on their successes. It’s natural for a person to want to correct undesirable circumstances and focus closely on doing so, but there must be a healthy balance in the allocation of personal awareness. It is important to mindfully reflect on the good while striving diligently to correct the bad. A continuous general awareness of your daily successes can have a noticeably positive affect on your overall emotional happiness.
- Exploit the Resources You DO Have Access To – The average person is usually astonished when they see a physically handicap person show intense signs of emotional happiness. How could someone in such a restricted physical state be so happy? The answer rests in how they use the resources they do have. Stevie Wonder couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has 25 Grammy Awards to prove it.
- Create Happy Endings Whenever Possible – The power of endings is quite remarkable. The end of any experience has a profound impact on a person’s overall perception of the experience as a whole. Think about reading a fairly well written, thought provoking novel. Now imagine the ending totally sucks. Even if the story was captivating up until the ending, would you still be happy recommending the novel to a friend? People always remember the ending. If the ending is happy, the experience creates happiness. Always tie loose ends, leave things on a good note, and create happy endings in your life whenever possible.
- Use Personal Strengths to Get Things Done – Everyone possesses unique personal strengths. We all have different talents and skill sets. Emotional happiness comes naturally to those who use their strengths to get things done. The state of completion always creates a sense of achievement. If this achievement is based exclusively on your own personal ability to get the job done, the physiological rewards are priceless.
- Savor the Natural Joy of Simple Pleasures – I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the best things in life are free. They come in the form of simple pleasures and they appear right in front of you at various locations and arbitrary times. They are governed by Mother Nature and situational circumstance and captured by mindful awareness. It’s all about taking a moment to notice the orange and pink sunset reflecting off the pond water as you hold hands with someone you love. Noticing these moments and taking part in them regularly will bring unpredictable bursts of happiness into your life.
I lost my 2 year old niece yesterday.
It happened so fast.
I only got to the hospital after she ... passed away.
They took me into the emergency room.
She's so small...
I think I have seen the scariest thing I can comprehend.
My heart cannot handle this.
This isn't fair.
Is it ever fair?!
Our family is going through a very tough time at the moment.
Our family is standing together through this. Our family ...
It's never easy. Is it?!
And it never will be.
Friends... Readers... Please...
Spare us a prayer and a thought.
Very much appreciated.
Feb 21, 2010
Feb 18, 2010
The next day was Sunday... And what comes after 31 March? Yes. 1 April. Clever you. What happens on 1 April? April Fools. Yes. I made an April Fool out of MYSELF!!
I woke up that Sunday morning way too early, with my mother yelling at me to get up. Strike #1 - Don't yell at me. My head hurts enough as it is. We were going to Upperdeck. A crazy outdoor Restaurant and Pub in the Hartebeespoortdam Area not far from where we live. I walked out of my room, looking and feeling like a train ran over me in my sleep (Strike #2), plopped down on my mother's bed and groaned like a waterbufallo giving birth. She looks me up and down and sideways and proclaims, 'Either you lie to me or you tell the truth but either way you're in sh!t' ... What choice did I have? You don't know my mother! Be afraid be very afraid! I raised my head ever so slightly and admitted that Yes, I DO in fact have a BLOODY HANGOVER!!!
She calmly looks at me and tells me to get dressed for our day at Upperdeck... Wait. What?! Did you NOT just hear how I feel woman?! She doesn't care. My hangover. My problem. We made plans for Upperdeck 2 weeks ago and I HAVE TO be there. WTF?!?!?!?!
No Sympathy for Sissies. Now I know where I get it from.
So I dragged my half-drunk arse through the shower, plastered on some make-up and A LOT of deodorant etc because I was pretty sure I smelt like a Shebeen on my own. I got decently dressed and we left for Upperdeck. It was a Beautiful day outside. For the NOT-SO-HUNGOVER. The sun was shining. It was 34 degrees outside and not a cloud in the sky. Great. I slept all the way there. Obviously. Got there... we got a table close to the stage (Strike #3 - Loud Music) and everyone, obviously, ordered drinks. Mine? A Vicious peel-your-skin-off Bloody Mary. (Strike #4 - Vomit Worthy Drink).
A couple of hours (Well, maybe it just felt like hours I don't know) was spent wallowing in self-pity and burying myself in my mothers chest to get away from the Eisbein and Nachos and lovely food flavors wafting past me in every direction (Strike #5 - Food vs Stomach). At one stage my mother decides I feel better and she forces me to drink Tequila... which of course didn't go down well with me so I was forced to eat something and after that the drinking just carried on... I wasn't really given a choice. But also learned how to avoid a hangover - STAY DRUNK! LMAO!!!
Oh and another thing - My mother knew the band. So she went and asked them to dedicate a song to the girl at THAT table with her first hangover on April Fools!
We would each buy a We walked that 1 kilometre together, almost every day, for our favorite secret treat... We would each buy a Caramello Bear (and maybe some bread and milk if we had to) and eat it VERY slowly on our way back to Mount Green #18 (The apartment we lived in) so that no one knew we even bought them in the first place. It was our little secret! My great-grandmother and I did this for years and years... and as I grew older and stronger... she grew older and weaker. Until we couldn't really do it anymore. But still she would go down to the beach with me and sit on a towel under the umbrella watching me build sand castles and putting sunscreen on my body.
Not everyone has the privilege of even knowing their great-grandparents. My great-grandfather passed away when I was 6 months old. We have photo's of us together though. My great-grandmother passed away when I was 16 years old. And I spent as much time as I could with her in those 16 years we had together... I wouldn't swap it for anything.
Never take your family for granted. They won't always be there. Then you'll end up 'never seeing a Caramello Bear the same again.'
It hurts. It really hurts. I can't deny it. I can't lie about it. I know it. I feel it. And it hurts. How is it that your heart can physically ache? It's such a strange feeling. I have (thank goodness) forgotten what it feels like. I think you do every time. It's just the ways of natures I guess. To keep you believing in love. Keep you believing in the good stuff.
I know I'll get over this. I know I'll get through this. And I know it can only make me stronger. But this time... I'm allowing myself to FEEL. I really need to feel. I always store stuff (feelings) like these in My Pandora's Box. It's just easier that way. It hurts less. I cry less. But this time... I'm not doing it. I'm dealing with it. I'm feeling it. I'll cry the tears I need to cry. I'll feel the pain I need to feel. It's necessary. I know it is. I'm quite proud of myself for this revelation by the way. Even though I know it won't be easy. But is it ever?
Gerhard told me last night that he's made his decisions and he's closed his doors and that he truly wants me in his future. That he wants to build a future with me and make me happy. He wanted me to think about it. I did. Long and hard... And honestly, I would give him the moon and the stars if I could. I want him in my life and I picture him in my future. But just like all fairy tales, you need certain things to make it work. I needed to clear my mind and my heart of a couple of things before I could decide what I wanted to decide. For my own sake. And my hearts'.
Today, I asked him to answer a few questions that I have. I asked him to be brutally honest and know that I won't get mad at him and I won't judge him. I asked him how he felt about me and if he truly sees me in his future. I asked him if he is willing to work for 'us'. And I asked him about Christell. His (one) ex-girlfriend. I asked him where they stand with each other now. He told me that he's not sure after last night. Heart skipping a beat. What happened last night you may ask? He asked her if she would leave her current boyfriend for him. Now. Heart dropping.
I asked him if he still has feelings for her... Yes he does. But he's getting rid of it. I asked him if he still wants to be friends with her... Yes he does.
I'm speechless. I'm clueless. I'm lost.
I can't handle that. I just can't. We were IN a relationship. And he's still not over her?! I can't say that I'm angry. I don't get angry anymore. I'm just hurt. And confused of course. I can't accept it. I'm sorry I just can't. I am NOT second best. I don't deserve anything but the best. I don't deserve anything less than being someone's #1. I don't need to lower my standards or my expectations for anyone. Including him.
I won't say it was easy. I won't say I don't still have a tiny smidgen of hope left for us. I won't say my feelings for him will fade quickly. At all. And I don't know if I want it to. I just know that I have to do this for ME. I have to stand my ground.
I hope I'm doing the right thing... Only time will tell.
Feb 17, 2010
Hillbilly Duhn has done is again... She's flattered me and farted brownie points in my direction and tried to catch the shine with me again. Can you believe the nerve of some people?! HAHA!!
Hillbilly Duhn thinks I'm Preeeeetttttyyyyyy!!! =D Kinda confirms her #3... Ahem!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU AWESOME LADY
Rules Rules Rules:
RULE #1 : Thank the blogger who awarded you - DONE
RULE #2 : Copy and Paste the Award on your blog - DONE
RULE #3 : Link to the person who nominated you - DONE
RULE #4 : Share some interesting things about yourself - Uuurrmmm ...
- I undress myself in my sleep. No idea why. Mostly in the summer though. Might explain a lot.
- Food is my aphrodisiac... No kidding.
- I'm Bi-Sexual. Yes. I share Hillbilly Duhn's sentiment. No one in my life knows this about me. Two of them do now. (If they ever read this of course)
- I'm in a life-long affair with stationary... I'll get as excited as a little kid at Disney land if you just give me paper and pens for any occasion.
- I used to have a Little Black Book... Thank Gawd I burnt it.
- I LOVE PICTURES. It might be an addiction.
- I am currently driving my THIRD car in 21 years. I've had my license since 31 August 2007. First car was written off by a drunk driver. Second car was stolen. Third car... seems like it's falling apart. I hate Murphy.
RULE #5 : Nominate 7 other Beautiful Bloggers...
Ella Unread - One Can't even Write freely these days...
Emma Jackson - Lots of Different Stuff
Desi van Zyl - Being Desi & Desi van Zyl Photography
Becca - Happiness is Homemade
Jordan - Vivre, Rire, Aimer
Kenna Christensen - The Things I am too Scared to Say
Otherwordlyone - Calling People Names
Feb 16, 2010
I've known Ilze for 14 years. That's a long time. That's a long friendship. We lost track of each other through the years. We spoke less. Shared less. We found each other. Lost each other. And found each other again. We're close now. We're like two butt cheeks. We're like family. Ilze is there for me when I need her. Through thick and thin. Ilze supports me. Ilze knows that she wants me in her life. Ilze knows that she loves me. As I love her. Ilze doesn't hide stuff from me.
Get the picture? We're tight.
I've known Gerhard (that's the ex-boyfriend, Peanut, by the way) for about 6 years. I met him. We saw each other a couple times. We lost contact completely. We found each again last year. We hit it off. We fell in love. We started dating. It was amazing. He screwed up. He lost my trust. He did some things he shouldn't have done and said some things he shouldn't have said. I left him. I want him back. I want him in my life. I love him. Yes. I love him. But all he does is hurt me. Lately. We spend the weekend together. We have fun. He's met my friends. They got along like a house on fire. (Shitty saying btw).
Gerhard asks me (every time he visits) if we can go and visit Ilze. Alright. Fine. Weird. But fine. (Especially since he told me straight that if it wasn't for me he'd want to be with Ilze. Disturbing much?) Sunday I told him that Ilze doesn't want to see him. He's MY ex. MY problem. She's MY friend. She stands by ME. Understandable right? What a great friend! Apparently not. Not to him. He was under the impression that when he met Ilze, through me, that they're buddy buddy best friends. Not according to Ilze. Unspoken Friend Rule ring a bell?
A fight ensued between Gerhard, Ilze and I with Gerhard freaking out all over the show. No one getting through to him and him not understanding the friendship plot. Very childish I assure you. At the end of the day - HE ASKED ME WHO WOULD I CHOOSE BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM!
Why in the name of everything Holy would you ask me that question?!
Do you have a death wish or something?!
I am shocked. I am speechless. I am hurt. He has NO RIGHT to ask that of me. He is NOT being fair. But honestly... did he think he would gain favor over my Best Friend?! What would I have if I don't have her?! He could drop me like an old rag at any time. Nothing lasts forever, remember? THEN what do I have?! NOTHING
I love my friends. I need my friends. They are my sanity. They are my refuge and my pillars of strength. As I am to them. No one will take that away from me. No one.
Feb 15, 2010
I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. ~Author Unknown
Pic Source: Desktop Nexus
Later when we finally got him dragged out of the bathroom, unconscious I might add, we hoisted him onto the bed and the girls not me started undressing him because his clothes was wet from swimming. I quickly intervened and told them I'd be fine and that they can go home. Where after I took off his clothes and didn't replace them with new, dry clothes. What for? It's just him and I in the house (Nothing I haven't seen before) and it's a MAJOR effort on my part. He's dead weight when he's drunk and passed out. Anyone is.
I tried sleeping next to him. Didn't work. He snored like a Buffalo on steroids or something. So I took a cushion and a blanket and parked myself on the couch for the night. I slept alright at least.
5am that next morning, Mister Naked and Hungover stumbles into the living room, grabs me by the hand and continues dragging me to the bedroom. Imagine being fast asleep and getting a huge fright from opening your eyes and the first thing you see is his dangly bits... HAHA! For what? I don't know. He passed out soon after again.
After asking me 'Uuurrrrrmmm, Where's my Clothes?'
'I undressed you sweetie. Your clothes were wet.'
'That's nice. But why are you wearing yours?'
'I was sober enough to get dressed in PJ's thank you very much.'
In my arms. Like a baby.